Forsaken
by audi
Summary: sbxrl. Remus relives his past. (pre-PoA)
1. Prologue: in which memories are relived

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.   
  
Pairings: None as of yet, eventual sbxrl   
  
Summary: Remus relives his past before PoA.   
  
Here it is... For what it's worth.  
  
i have figured out years based on 1990Harry's first year. Thus Remus' (and the rest of the Marauders, etc) go to school first in 1968. If you want to aee my math or argue, feel free to ask.  
  
i will also warn you that i make asumptions about other people in other years, like putting Even Rosier in the same year as MWPP. Live with it.  
  
Enjoy, please review!   
  
audi  
  
  
-----------  
  
**Prologue**  
_In which memories are relived._  
  
Some things are worse than death.   
  
Death ends all. He's final and uncaring. Death is the excuse for the weak to escape and the calling of the strong to martyrdom. Unexpected death leaves the living to suffer whilst saving the departed one. Planned death is expected and often longed for; awaited. No, death isn't bad at all.   
  
It's living that hurts. Life is the one true source of pain and suffering in the world. Death kills people, life just makes them hurt. And sometimes life drags on to where you wish you were dead, to where you hope and beg and plead that you could die. You tell yourself you'll do it yourself – only you can't. So you waste the days hoping that you'll die, that someone out there will have mercy on your soul and do away with you. But no one does.   
  
No one is out there to hear your cries. No one cares. Any that would, are already dead.   
  
I used to be someone and I used to have a dream. My life was going to be great. Until one night twelve years ago, that one night I lost all that I had gained.   
  
I went to sleep happy and content (as much as anyone could have been in those dark times) and I woke up alone, afraid and angry.   
  
For posterity let me explain, for the years leading up to this event, Great Britain had been plagued by a fiend known as Voldemort. He and his would kill without mercy. The Muggles never knew what hit, they just saw the death that flowed through the city streets, but the wizarding world… we knew. Oh! how we knew. My friends and I had trained for years to do what we could, or we thought we had.   
  
The night of the attack, there were four of us and the next morning there were only three. One of the living three killed the other. I didn't kill him. I know I didn't. I am not just saying that because I'm narrating and you have to listen to me, I couldn't have killed him. Of course when another one died… that left the blame at the only other one left. My heart screamed.   
  
He was sent to prison, the wizarding prison, and I moved as far from everyone as I could. They didn't want me hanging around polluting the air, so I left. I left London with my heart in pieces, my head in shambles and my dreams in chaos. What was left for me; nothing.   
  
The following years don't matter. They were full of suffering and hurt and betrayal. It was me living in the worst conditions and telling myself that's what I deserved, it is what I deserve.   
  
No, what's important is what had happened before that chilly autumn night… Back to August 1968… 

* * *

:: chapter one ::  
:: e-mail audi :: fanfiction main :: 


	2. One: in which a lucky boy goes to school

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.   
  
Pairings: None as of yet, eventual sbxrl   
  
Summary: Remus relives his past before PoA.   
  
Here it is... For what it's worth.  
  
i have figured out years based on 1990Harry's first year. Thus Remus' (and the rest of the Marauders, etc) go to school first in 1968. If you want to aee my math or argue, feel free to ask.  
  
i will also warn you that i make asumptions about other people in other years, like putting Even Rosier in the same year as MWPP. Live with it.  
  
Enjoy, please review!   
  
audi  
  
  
-----------  
  
**One**  
_In which a lucky boy goes to school._  
  
My name is Remus J. Lupin.   
  
Who I was or what I wanted before the start of my eleventh year ultimately means nothing. Like every wizard of my age in Great Britain, I received a Hogwarts letter, telling me that I would go to school in the fall to begin learning magick.   
  
I remember the letter. It was crisp and it had my name neatly scrawled on the front. Remus J. Lupin. I suppose that my letter was quite a bit longer than the other students' and it contained quite a bit more crucial information. I didn't care. I didn't care what circumstances had brought the letter to me; all that mattered was that I had the letter.   
  
It had been, in reality, a change of management at the school. Professor Dumbledore was to become the Headmaster and he wanted me to attend. I had to be secretive but he and the staff would be understanding and supportive. I couldn't let anyone know because it would lead to both my expulsion and Dumbledore's.   
  
I am a werewolf.   
  
Every month I transform into a wolf, a fierce wolf ready to rip at the throat of any human he sees. But it's not just once a month, he is with me always. We are two separate entities fighting for dominance inside a single body. Once a month, he wins, undoubtedly. He's always fighting me though, constantly reminding me of his presence.   
  
I wondered which House I would be in, would anyone want to be my friend? I wondered and I daydreamed. I suspected, dryly, that most students had already dreamed about Hogwarts (I felt, at the time, that not a single one of them would hate going – a theory, I am afraid, that was nullified) for years already and thus had plans swarming through their heads. So I made up for lost time.   
  
I don't want to talk about my family situation, this is neither the time nor the place, but let me say that I had all the time I needed to be secluded alone to dream about school. I knew that I loved learning, and I was eager to continue, in a more structured matter.   
  
Time is relevant and waiting is the worst thing.   
  
I was anxious to be off. We went to get supplies in London, at Diagon Alley. I had never been there before. There were so many people, more than I had seen in my life at that point, and everyone was buying and chatting. We didn't stick around, though, after we bought what I needed, we left, not leaving any mark on the alley.   
  
I wish I could have been there on the first day of school. I wish I could have been sorted with the other first years and heard the Sorting Hat's insane song for the first time. As luck had it, the first day of school fell on a full moon. The second day was when classes started and I wasn't allowed to attend. Instead I spent the day recovering from my transformation and seeing what Madam Pomfrey could do. Then, I was escorted to Professor Dumbledore's study.   
  
I had seen Albus Dumbledore before and I would see him again. It was never his appearance that got me, it was his eyes. I always look first at a person's eyes because a person's eyes reveal their soul. His eyes gleamed with an ever-present bearing of knowledge. Not knowledge gained through studying but knowledge gained from living. He always knows what's going on anywhere. It's not only in Hogwarts, either, though that's where it's the strongest. In the twenty-some years that I've known him, his eyes still strike me.   
  
'Mister Lupin,' he began, 'welcome to Hogwarts. The other students, as you know, have been sorted and settled. It is your turn.' He reached for the Sorting Hat and placed it upon my head. The Sorting Hat, I've always thought, would be bizarre if it weren't so out of place. Within seconds of thought the hat proudly pronounced 'Gryffindor!' and was placed back on its shelf. 'Then off to the Gryffindor Hall you go,' his eye twinkled, 'I expect the others will join you in an hour or so and the professors will be lenient.'   
  
Upon my arrival, my eyes scanned the room. There were four curtained four-posters and four sets of storage and desk space. Three of them had belongings already draped over various parts. My trunk was sitting by the fourth. After fishing out a book from said trunk, I settled myself in a chair and awaited my roommates' entrance. Of course, nothing would prepare me for my first meeting with them and nothing would amount to it.   
  
'An essay! On the first day! Can you believe it! Honestly!' a voice that grew louder proclaimed.   
  
The door began to open, 'this is school, Sear, it happens. No more fun and games, eh?' The boy walked in. He wore circle-frame glasses and a large, messy mop upon his head. His eyes were cheerful… but there was something hidden behind them. Mischief?   
  
'But James!' the other whined and then stopped. 'Cor! The fourth one's here,' he stopped in the doorway, just looking at me. This one had bright blue eyes that contrasted with his long, black hair and I didn't have to look at his eyes to know that this one was trouble.   
  
'Remus Lupin,' I offered quietly.   
  
'James Potter,' the first boy replied, 'and that dolt's Sirius Black,' he knocked Sirius' head. 'he's a whiner and a complainer and… I can't think of anything worthwhile about him.'   
  
'All of this from the amazing James Potter. Most Brilliant of All Wiseasses,' he groaned as James bowed elegantly.   
  
'Umm?' there was a small voice from behind the two and they turned to admit a short, stout boy.   
  
'And this is Peter Pettigrew. The poor soul that will share your misery,' Sirius proclaimed. 'His name is Remus Lupin, number four.'   
  
Peter nodded and quickly greeted me in a shaky, unsure voice.   
  
I looked from one to another of my companions. I was meeting them for the first time, and I could tell that, if nothing else, my years at Hogwarts would prove interesting and lively. Maybe I could become friends with them, I thought to myself, maybe they can accept me as Remus and not the werewolf. I thanked my lucky stars individually and by name for the chance I was being offered.   
  
We became instant friends from moment one. Or not. Truth of the matter was that Sirius and James were friends from before, with a magnetic attraction. They were close; I should have been able to tell that from the start. I soon found out that the professors were already adding the two to their 'students to watch out for' list. James' family had expected him in Gryffindor and he had already been planning a full retaliation against Slytherin. Sirius' family had expected him to be in Slytherin, but that's not important right now.   
  
Peter was another story. He was shy and timid, unsure what to do our say. He strived for acceptance. I felt saddened when I looked at him. I wanted to help him, to reach out to him, but I didn't know how to.   
  
So, Sirius and James just kind of lived without really thinking about Peter and me and Peter just ghosted about aimlessly. Our companionship was minimal. They would congratulate for a job well done or ask to borrow a quill, but there really wasn't any bonding between the four of us. At least, not like I saw in other years or Houses. I didn't really miss it because I had never really experienced true friendship before.   
  
I loved the classes. I guess that I got my reputation for being a scholarly werewolf even from the beginning of my education. Well, obviously without the werewolf part. Not finding what I was looking for from my roommates, I sought the company of books and schoolwork. I absorbed knowledge, casing myself in learning. I vowed, in the first month to work my way through the entire library. And I think I've since done a fairly decent job of doing so.   
  
It was already getting cool out when Peter approached me. It was in the Gryffindor Common Room, I was sitting down drafting an essay. Most of Gryffindor was at the Quidditch match, Gryffindor against Ravenclaw. I felt a pair of eyes upon me, watching me quietly.   
  
'Remus,' he began, I raised my head in response. Usually Peter was very formal, but he always used my given name, and those of Sirius and James. 'We're going to change lab partners in Potions.' I knew this of course. We had been assigned partners, Gryffindor-Slytherin pairings. 'I was wondering if you wanted to… be my partner.'   
  
It was commonly thought that Peter was a bit incompetent. Okay, more than a bit. He was paired with Rosier at the time, poor boy, and the Slytherin took every chance he had to mock and otherwise maim Peter. But I knew that he had to have some kind of potential. 'Of course,' I smiled.   
  
'Oh, thank you! I was going to ask James and Sirius but they're going to be with each other and all of the girls are paired together and then I don't want to be with any of the Slytherins…' he babbled.   
  
I shook my head, 'it's okay, besides, I need a partner, too. It might be the only time we can choose our own all year.' I thought of the two aforementioned troublemakers. I hoped they were going to behave, the idea of a Slytherin wasn't appealing to me either, especially if we had to do out-of-class write-ups.   
  
He nodded emphatically, beaming as if I had just given him a bag of Sugar Quills.   
  
That's where that friendship began. It was strange, for lack of a better word. Looking back now, after everything has changed, I saw it as fate – of sorts – that we became friends. We were left out by James and by Sirius. They were in their own world, so we formed ours. 

* * *

:: chapter two ::  
:: e-mail audi :: fanfiction main :: 


	3. Two: in which people are defined

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.  
  
Pairings: None as of yet, eventual sbxrl  
  
Summary: Remus relives his past before PoA.  
  
Here it is... For what it's worth.  
  
i have figured out years based on 1990Harry's first year. Thus Remus' (and the rest of the Marauders, etc) go to school first in 1968. If you want to aee my math or argue, feel free to ask.  
  
i will also warn you that i make asumptions about other people in other years, like putting Even Rosier in the same year as MWPP. Live with it.  
  
Enjoy, please review!  
  
audi  
  
-----------  
  
**Two**  
_In which people are defined._  
  
'C'mon, James! It'll be awesome, it's flawless!' Sirius protested waving his arms about. It was Halloween, or near enough to it not to matter, and Sirius wanted, again, to attack the Slytherins; more specifically, Snape. It was only two months in and the two of them had already found their prey. Truth be told, I felt sorry for him. He hadn't done anything wrong. Well, okay, he had, but it wasn't any kind of misdemeanour… and it was one against two. I know that it's a Gryffindor's duty to prevail over the Slytherins at all costs, but I think that they were taking it too far. Especially since we hadn't been in school long enough to truly judge anyone. All that aside, I think that Snape was some kind of cousin to Sirius.  
  
'On Halloween! Sear, of all times! The professors know we'd do something on Halloween!'  
  
'Not necessarily.'  
  
'Sirius Black, are you telling me that they don't know us well enough by now?'  
  
'It's only been two months,' he smiled, innocently. 'I don't think we've given them just cause yet.'  
  
At this point I stopped trying to do my homework, I placed it to the side to wait to see who would win, even though I knew it wasn't a matter of that any more. If it ever had been.  
  
'They'll be eating, all we have to—'  
  
'I know what we have to do! I'm not stupid,' James sighed in defeat. 'But they'll expect it on Halloween. Especially Snivillus.'  
  
'I don't think so,' Sirius countered.  
  
'Although the reaction,' James mused, ignoring Sirius, 'it's more than we've ever done before, Sear – '  
  
'Which is why – '  
  
'But I think those Slytherins need to be taught their place.'  
  
'And we need to see how high Snivillus can jump. Y'know, for educational purposes.'  
  
'Or for future reference.'  
  
They shared a mischievous grin and Peter sighed audibly from across the room; the other two ignored him as they continued making plans for Halloween. They figured access would be easy, most students Third Year and up would be at Hogsmede or else wise enjoying their holiday, so the school would be more or less empty. They would concoct the potion on 30 October, so that they had it in advance and then slip it to him. Or something along those lines. It was about then that I stopped listening and I feared that Peter was doing the same.  
  
They left, soon thereafter, I suspect it was to go 'find' the missing ingredients. Peter looked after them as they left. I couldn't read him, I just watched him. He went back to puzzling out his homework, a ten-inch summary of a potions demonstration.  
  
'Remus, they're going to get in trouble,' Peter whimpered.  
  
'Probably.'  
  
'Aren't you going to stop them?'  
  
I shrugged and left it at that. Peter, I had noticed, had a bit of a dependence on others that I hoped to rid him of. It wasn't overly chronic, but I could see it get in the way of things. I could sense his potential from the start, but he was too afraid to do anything on his own. I could see him want to spend more time with our rogue roommates, but he couldn't actually go up and tell them that.  
  
So he spent his time with me. I wasn't complaining though, I didn't mind. It must have been boring, though, because I studied most all the time.  
  
Monday 21 October 1968. This date I remember because it was the first time the moon took me out of school. I left, hoping that my peers wouldn't suspect my 'family illness' as I dryly wondered how much longer I could tell them my mother was sick before they started asking me what she had and when she was going to just die.  
  
At least it didn't fall on 31 October; I was actually looking forward to seeing how the prank would turn out, though I hoped that Snivillus wouldn't think Peter and I were in on it. Neither of us had a strong desire to join the hexing feud.  
  
Wednesday came and our room was turned into a miniature apothecary with less than begin intentions. Then again, I suppose that depended on the person you asked.  
  
'Thank Merlin we get Halloween off class!' Sirius beamed.  
  
'You still have to do that write-up for McGonagall,' I replied quietly.  
  
He shrugged nonchalantly, as did James. I knew though that they were both smarter than they let out. Neither of them spent as much time studying as I did–ever–but they both received good marks, easily slipping into the top of the class. It came naturally to them. Of course, that didn't mean they didn't try to wiggle their way out of anything. They did notes and essays at the last minute, often doing half and copying. Once or twice they used mine, but the thought to really hadn't occurred to them much at that point. They did brilliantly on tests, but that really didn't interest them. They were a paradox that amused me as I watched them from afar.  
  
Peter, of course, watched Sirius, James and me with awe as if he was constantly asking himself 'how could they do that?' Oh, well. There were seven years to improve him.  
  
So we marched off to the Great Hall for Halloween dinner, and the Hall was decorated as never before. My parents had never really been that interested in Halloween, which isn't surprising seeing as they're French. The whole experience was, therefore, a new one (as was most of my year).  
  
Peter and I sat with the first year girls, I was next to Donna Kent and he was next to Kay Jemmying. Just before they were missed the duo sat down, Sirius next to me and James next to Peter, and began helping themselves to food that wasn't healthy by any stretch of the imagination.  
  
It was about halfway through the meal when there was a bright flash of light followed by yelling and screaming from the Slytherin table. The Gryffindors inevitably turned to see the Slytherins' misfortune. Snape had fallen backwards from the explosion as had three people on either side of him including the overbearing Malfoy prick.  
  
The Gryffindors were hystrical and the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs strained to see as well. It seemed everyone was enjoying their misfortune. Even most of the teachers. Professor Virulent, the Head of Slytherin, was furious and began trying to blame innocent Gryffindors.  
  
I looked up to the head table, at Professor Dumbledore, who gave me a perceptive look. He knew. It didn't look, however, like he would tell anyone.  
  
One point for Gryffindor. 


	4. Three: in which comparisons are made

Disclaimer:No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.  
  
Pairing: eventual sbxrl, jpxle  
  
Summary: School's not what Remus has expected.  
  
Sorry the chapters are short... First year is kind of boring.  
  
audi  
  
-----------  
  
**Three**  
_In which comparisons are made._  
  
I was hiding in the library. Well, not hiding exactly. I was seeking solitude in the safety of the bookshelves. James and Sirius were helping Peter write an essay for Professor Krunkle, the DADA professor.  
  
Peter was starting to open up to Sirius and James, spending as much time with them as they let him. That is, he joined them when they weren't torturing the Slytherins (or being tortured by them). Which was unsurprisingly often. Snape hadn't grown a backbone, but Rosier and Lestrange hardly needed encouragement, especially after they found out about the Halloween prank.  
  
So I was hiding.  
  
I sat, reading a supplementary text, to quench my thirst. Temporarily. I don't remember exactly what I had been reading, but that was unimportant.  
  
It was the middle of December, close to the Christmas Holiday, and Hogwarts was so different than I thought it would be. I had imagined companionship, immediate companionship. Sure, I loved my classes and my books, but I did want something a little more substantial. But I didn't think I should have to go out and find it. I didn't want to open up for it. I've always been kind of a closed mind, I keep things to myself and I always have. I think it has something to do with how I was brought up and the people that brought me up. It's so hard to call them my parents. I haven't seen them since I was nine years old. But they left an everlasting effect on my soul. I hate them for hating me.  
  
The library was closing, so I took my books and left. Regretfully as always. I had to bundle up and leave, going through empty halls to a room that felt even emptier.  
  
Sirius and James were still helping Peter with his essay; the three barely spared me a glance as I crossed to my desk and continued reading my book.  
  
So time continued to pass. The hols came and both James and Peter went home to their families for Christmas. Sirius didn't. 'What? Go home for a Black Christmas? Not only will my parents and Regulus be there, but also Narscissa and Bellatrix… and every other relative which I wish not to be seen with,' he said with a grin when asked. It was no secret that he was not proud to be a Black. And it was no secret that the Blacks in Slytherin, including Narscissa and Bellatrix, were planning something _big_ to get him.  
  
'Remus,' Sirius began from across the room. The silence was killing him and he was fishing for something to talk about. 'Tell me about yourself.'  
  
'Pardon?' I asked, not even looking up from my reading.  
  
'Well, we've been living together for months and I still know nothing about you.'  
  
'And that must be driving you mad,' I commented dryly.  
  
'Yes, er, well, we've got years and I know James and Peter, to a degree anyway, but not you.'  
  
'Your logic astounds me.'  
  
He sat next to me, on my bed, and pulled my book up from my hands. Closing it he continued; 'Ready then?'  
  
'For?'  
  
'To talk.'  
  
'Do I have any say in this?'  
  
'No, not really.'  
  
I sighed and reached for my book, which he then threw to the other side of the room. I winced as it hit the floor and my bookmark fell out. 'There's nothing to know.' I made a move for my book and he stopped me.  
  
'Please?' he looked dejected. As if not telling him about me was in someway offensive.  
  
'I lived my life and now I'm here,' I told him.  
  
'At least it's not growing up with the Blacks.'  
  
'You had James,' I pointed out.  
  
'But… _The Blacks_,' he emphasised as if his family name made all the difference (well, quite often it did).  
  
'I ruined their dreams, Sirius, every single one of them.' He looked at me, shocked, and I took the chance to get my book from where it had fallen.  
  
I was beyond the shock of it all. Maman… Papa… Well, I didn't need them anymore than they needed me. Werewolf pups aren't good for anything. I couldn't go to Beauxbatons and I couldn't join in the rich Lupin tradition or follow my parents' legacy. I was worthless. I knew it. Sirius could complain all he liked about his horrible family and that was okay, because they were horrible, but at least his parents and his brother and his siblings knew that he existed. I wish I could have said the same.  
  
He had nothing to say, for once. He just sat on the corner of my bed, unblinking and unmoving.  
  
Sirius didn't say much more for the rest of the hols, but I felt his eyes on me as if he were asking me with his eyes, _'why don't you make any sense?'_ James came back and Peter, too, and he took he put his jumpy, hyperactive mask back on, never letting out what was on his mind.  
  
He hadn't wanted anything more than to find some companionship in James' absence, but I had just given him something to worry about and, if the past months were any sign, that wasn't necessarily a good thing. 


	5. Four: in which there are two sides to a ...

Disclaimer:No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.  
  
Pairing: eventual sbxrl, jpxle  
  
Summary: Remus' home life revealed. Wow. Just starting writing and this came out. Poor Remus. audi  
  
**Four**  
_In which there are two sides of a coin._  
  
After Christmas the Seventh Years began to get really jumpy, anxious to leave (and, theoretically prepare for their NEWTs) and the Fifth Years began to cram for their OWLs. Houses tried hard to gain points to win the Cup. And Slytherin and Gryffindor try to see who will get the last laugh.  
  
Peter continued to follow James and Sirius, mostly James. _'He's amazing, Remus, I wish I could be like him,'_ he confided. The two boys tried as hard as they could to keep up with the quota, Peter still too scared to join in with them.  
  
Sirius played Quidditch, a Chaser, and he and James just got more into the game as the year went on. Gryffindor beating Slytherin is equitable to England beating France… in anything (not like that's rare).  
  
The wolf pounded at my mind, tearing me apart. He really got at me, more than he had before and I slipped into seclusion more. I hoped, desperately, that my roommates wouldn't notice. Maybe, I thought, they could concern themselves with other things. Maybe they could forget that I existed as I let the wolf tear at my mind.  
  
I like regularity. My dorm room was my sanctuary and I loved the classes and the learning. I loved my teachers and…  
  
I hated leaving.  
  
Okay, school wasn't _exactly_ like I had imagined it. Then again, eleven-year-olds are not the nicest people in the world. But it was school and I did want to be there. Hogwarts was home, from the moment I stepped in the front door. Dumbledore wanted me; he thought that I would flourish in the environment that Hogwarts would create for me. No one else wanted me.  
  
Papa disowned me when I was nine. The Lupins didn't want me – any of them. Maman's a Muggle, so her family didn't want me, either. The werewolf thing, remember? However, somewhere in their minds, they knew that throwing an untrained, nine-year-old werewolf-wizard out into the wild would harm the rest of humanity (never mind their nine-year-old son).  
  
So they sent me to live with Uncle Jean. Crazy Uncle Jean. Uncle Jean lived in Calais, close to where all the Cash And Carries are. He liked his liquor. Uncle Jean was 'secluded' from the rest of the Lupins for reasons that I never fully understood. He worked with the French Ministry doing something that he never told me. He was gone for most of the day and often most of the night. When he didn't come back plastered, I could assume that he had spent the night either passed out on some side-alley or at a whorehouse of some kind.  
  
He had a cellar with a padlock. 'Pour le loup.' _For the wolf._ I was nine. He set up a pallet and a blanket and the cellar became my room. Once a month he locked the door until he was certain that I had been done transforming. Then he would bring me hot water to bathe in and, if he was sober enough, he'd cast a Healing Charm. I did learn to do those myself, later, but I couldn't (legally) at age nine.  
  
Sometimes he would lock me in there for days, because he forgot I existed. I hated that most. I was, then, completely alone with the wolf. My candle would burn out and my bedding would have been torn by my transformation. I would have been lying, pained, on the cold-stone floor of the cellar. 'À cause du loup.' _Because of the wolf._ It almost made me wish that all he did was beat me. No, that would have been easy.  
  
But laws were laws, and werewolves' locations had to be constantly monitored, so, with resign, I flooed to Calais and Uncle Jean.  
  
'Bonjour, garçon,' he was waiting for me.  
  
'Bonjour, oncle,' I moved back towards the fireplace, fearing for myself.  
  
He grinned, 'enfin je puis me débarrasser de vous.' _Finally I can get rid of you._ He opened up the cellar and gave me a push down. I heard the heavy click of the lock and felt the darkness surround me.  
  
From memory I found the pallet and I crawled up on it, letting my tears fall.  
  
Sirius had it bad, but I had it worse. _À cause du loup._  
  
Eventual exploration proved that there was some food laid out as well as a candle or two. He actually had meant for me to stay there for a time. I was unsure how to react. There were plenty of provisions I found, and water and… cleaning supplies. How long had be meant for me to be there?  
  
I found with horror that I went through one full-moon and was very near another when the door opened and I saw a light from the top of the stair well. It was Uncle Jean. When I wavered to the top, I saw that he was not alone. There was a man of about thirty or so with brown hair and brown eyes. English. He was standing by my untouched trunk by the fireplace.  
  
The English man looked at me carefully, then at my uncle, then back at me. He reached inside his robes and pulled out a large sack that, I assume contained coinage.  
  
'Vous appartenez à lui, loup,' Uncle Jean snarled at me as he shoved me forward towards the man. _You belong to him, wolf._  
  
He flooed us away to a more homey location where, without a word, he half-carried me to a room up a flight of stairs, made me to lay on the bed and preformed a thorough Healing.  
  
'Remus,' he said, 'I'm so sorry. That should not have been allowed to happen.' I looked at him, 'my name is Quinton Holloway, and I've been fighting for minority magick group rights for most of my life. I heard about you through the French Ministry, and from Albus Dumbledore.' Dumbledore. Of course. That man had fifty hands if he had two. 'I've had your records changed and you'll stay with me until you decide otherwise. No reason to say anything now, go to sleep, rest off your last moon and I'll have a big dinner ready for you in a few hours.'  
  
I smiled gratefully. 'Thank your, Messer. Halloway.'  
  
'Remus, call me Quin.' 


	6. Five: in which history is made

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.  
  
Pairings: None as of yet, eventual sbxrl  
  
Summary: Marauders.  
  
Okay then, here they are. For what it's worth.  
  
About the leeches, i know that they probably would have used something different, but that just sounded disgusting and i **loathe** Bellatrix, for obvious reasons  
  
i hate Bush, by the way.  
  
audi  
  
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**Five**  
_In which history is created._  
  
I was born 20 August 1957 to a family that learned to despise me, but on 20 August 1969 I saw yet another change in my life. I can say Quin was like a father to me, but I have nothing to compare him to. I suppose that he was. He took me as his full responsibility, letting me live as who I wanted to be, completely disregarding the wolf. He knew when I _needed_ rare meat and he knew where I hurt. True, he put me in a shed, but only for the minimum time, often carrying me from the shed to my room. My room. It was the first time that I had one of my own. It had a bed and a desk with a bookshelf. We went, several times, to Diagon Alley and some Muggle stores to buy things to decorate it and to find some clothes for me.  
  
For my birthday he gave me some books, some brilliantly decorated histories, both Muggle and wizard. And he gave me a quill and letter parchment. 'When I write to you, I would like it if you would write back.'  
  
I had, in the span of weeks, found myself in a home. I had two homes, Hogwarts and Quin's London flat. I was almost reluctant to leave his tender care. And I told him that. He just smiled at me kindly. He had a kindness comparable to Dumbledore's, and a knack for making me feel truly wanted that so few have had in my life.  
  
Platform 93/4 was bustling with my peers. I left Quin and found an empty cabin where I laid across the bench and closed my eyes. It had been a full moon and I was tired.  
  
'He saved a cabin for us,' Sirius' easily recognizable voice piped as he opened the door. I half sat-up as my three year mates entered the room. James and Peter sat on the facing bench. Sirius moved my legs to the side to sit in the space they had occupied. Stubbornly I moved them back.  
  
'You look horrible,' James commented.  
  
'But I _feel_ great,' I retorted honestly.  
  
I felt _his_ eyes on me. Again trying to understand me, trying to puzzle me out. I still didn't make sense to me. It was as if he tried to figure me out over the summer, maybe he had a solution, but it frustrated him all over again. I could feel it.  
  
'Well I had a lovely summer. I got congratulated the whole time for being in Gryffindor and for my good grades. My parents were so very proud of me.'  
  
'Your letters say otherwise,' James commented as if making a point, 'I think I remember something about having a dire need to show your favourite cousin, Bellatrix, how much you love her.'  
  
'Oh but I do love her,' Sirius countered, 'so much that I want to fill her bed with leeches.'  
  
'Brilliant mind you have, Sear, why _ever_ didn't I think of that earlier? We need to show our _devotion_ to your dearest cousin.'  
  
'The only question, Jim, is how?'  
  
Peter caught on to what they were talking about and groaned.  
  
The juvenile delinquents planned for a few hours, until all that we saw were farms and sheep. I drifted to sleep, drowning out their voices as we moved along.  
  
We arrived at Hogwarts and I absorbed the traditions as new. I saw the carriages and heard the Hat's song – things that I missed my First Year. At dinner, after the new First Years had joined our table and gotten their nepotistic back-pat or cheers and the like, I looked up at the Headmaster. Silently I thanked him. As usual, he just smiled, telling me that I was acknowledged.  
  
In the room James and Sirius continued their plan. Insofar as I had gathered, they had figured out how to gather leeches, but they were stuck on how to get them into her bed. Peter sat in his bed wincing. Mind you, I'm not overly fond of leeches myself.  
  
'Why has getting into their room an issue,' James whined.  
  
The dungeon itself was avoided by Gryffindors, but to get into the dorms themselves. 'You can use your Invisibility Cloak… If they can't see you, you can just follow them in,' I started, my voice shaky. 'So if you find one you can, er, just follow? It couldn't be too hard to find Bellatrix's bed, could it?'  
  
'You know, Remus,' James came over and patted me on the back, 'that might jut be the most brilliant thing I've heard all day.'  
  
'It's not lights out yet,' Sirius crossed the room and pulled the Cloak out from James' trunk. He gathered up the supplies he needed and followed James out the common room (it looks rather foolish if doors open and close on their own, even in a wizarding school).  
  
James and Sirius had both gotten substantially smarter over the summer hols and they decided quickly to include Peter and me in their scheming. It was about three weeks and five pranks later;  
  
'Is there a reason we worked alone last year?' James asked Sirius.  
  
'Not that I know of, and I have no intention of repeating it.'  
  
'So a gang we shall form,' James declared, standing on a chair. He waved his wand about grandly. 'As of today the Second Year Gryffindor boys have formed the most proactive group to push the Slytherins back to where they belong – the dungeon!'  
  
'And we shall be henceforth known as Hexers Limited,' Sirius agreed. James glared. 'Pranks Incorporated?'  
  
'I think, Sear, that you read too many comics this summer.'  
  
'I only have five.'  
  
'Point made.'  
  
'But we _need_ a name, Jim! It makes up distinguished. Different. _Unique!_'  
  
I bit my lip, wondering if I could talk. 'How about,' I began, 'the Marauders.'  
  
'What?' the three asked.  
  
'Well, 'marauding' is raiding or pillaging. So a 'marauder' would be someone that wreaks havoc on others.'  
  
'I like it,' James declared.  
  
'Me, too,' Peter whispered.  
  
'It sounds like a legacy,' Sirius agreed.  
  
And thus the Marauders were born. Together we four formed a bond that, in many other circumstances would be impossible. But this was just the beginning. 


	7. Six: in which there is brotherly love

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.   
  
Pairings: None as of yet, eventual sbxrl   
  
Summary: Back to life as usual.   
  
Thank you for the reviews and criticism. My ego is this gestures largly big right now. To Timeturner: the French has been corrected. If you find any problems with my spelling/grammar/language tell me. Or you can just tell me your opinion. i like to hear from people.   
  
i hope i'm not mooving too fast for things (nor too slow), i don't write with an outline, i solely compare what i want to happen with what i know happens. i have some things that i want to happen. i hope to make the chapters longer, but it all depends on how i feel (quite depressed over the election) and how boring my classes are.   
  
Yes i do have the obligatory Sirius/Serious pun. And watch me pull magick out of my ass -.-;   
  
audi  
  
  
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**Six**  
_In which there is brotherly love._  
  
'Are you serious?' James blurted.   
  
'Of course I am, and you're James.'   
  
'No, I mean…' he fumbled. 'Are you telling me the truth?'   
  
'Could I ever lie to you?'   
  
'Do you want me to answer that?'   
  
He feigned hurt. 'It was brilliant, Jim, I'm quite sorry you missed it. First practice of the year and Butler took a chance to get to know the grass better. She'll be in the infirmary for _months_!' he stopped. He had just finished telling it, of course, but Sirius liked to hear his own voice. 'And Patrick said that you're the perfect candidate for her replacement. He wants you at practice today.'   
  
'Seeker?' he choked. 'He wants me to play Seeker?'   
  
At this point Sirius nodded and then walked over to where I sat with Peter, letting James fully adjust to the situation.   
  
'You're an evil boy, Sirius,' I told him.   
  
'I do try, Rem.'   
  
'James and I were talking, and we think it's time to get them back for Potions on Monday.' He then went into his ideas for the prank he had planned. This time the target was Rosier. 'So does Saturday sound okay?'   
  
'Saturday?' I repeated. 'This Saturday?' I choked. It was 11 October, a full moon.   
  
'No Saturday three weeks from now,' he laughed, 'of course this Saturday.'   
  
'I can't,' I said quickly, maybe too quickly. 'I, er, need to do something with, er, my guardian…'   
  
'You what?'   
  
'My guardian needs something,' I said more confidently.   
  
'You guardian,' he repeated, 'needs something. And it will take all day?'   
  
'Well, the night, too. Into Sunday, actually.'   
  
'Tell us,' James had come down a bit from his elation and joined in, 'maybe we can help. Four are faster than one.'   
  
'No! I mean… it's, um, it's okay. I can, er, just help plan and you… can… execute it?'   
  
'But…' Sirius began but was silenced by James. I had hidden myself in Peter's paper so I missed any looks that passed between them.   
  
What kind of freak was I, anyway? I had to make excuses that were coming less naturally as I grew more accustomed to them. It was unsafe for them to be around a monster like me, but my own selfishness kept me there.   
  
I got a letter from Quin on Saturday. As he had the month before, he wished me well and told me to take it easy. He also said that he had helped the French Ministry track my uncle down and corner him. He was now residing in prison with a good number of charges against him. Not one of them read 'harm to a werewolf' but Quin did see that 'child abuse' was high on the list. I was glad that I didn't have to testify.   
  
I stumbled back to my bed Sunday afternoon. I had just had a Healing, but I hit the bed and fell asleep immediately. I could do my homework later, but the entire House was in the Quidditch pitch for the match (Gryffindor v Hufflepuff) where James would either succeed or fail as the fill-in Seeker, and I revelled in the quiet of the emptiness.   
  
'I can't believe you fell! That was so great!'   
  
'It was pretty funny,' Peter added.   
  
'I caught the Snitch.'   
  
'And a mouthful of dirt.'   
  
The three came in, and immediately settled down. Sleep was now impossible. I got slowly out of bed and made my way to my books. If they noticed me getting up, they didn't make a show of it, they just kept on about the match. _For hours_. By the end even I knew who had done what when and to whom in the fullest detail. And I wasn't even paying attention. By the time I was finished with my work and ready to crawl back into bed, I found James sitting on one side of me and Sirius crouching on the other.   
  
'Remus…' James began.   
  
'Can we borrow your Defence notes?' Sirius finished.   
  
'Please?' in unison.   
  
I dug them out, 'if you had paid attention, you wouldn't need them,' I scolded, knowing that it fell on deaf ears.   
  
'I hope your… guardian is okay,' Sirius said as he made a move to follow James, 'we missed you last night.'   
  
Maybe I was being paranoid, but it seemed to me as if there was some kind of hidden meaning in his words. I shrugged it off and went back to my inviting bed. Pulling the curtains around it, I burrowed in the duvet and fell asleep.   
  
I woke, as usual – early, and grabbed my uniform and hurried off to the shower. As I left I heard the fall of footsteps behind me.   
  
'Rem! Wait up!' and there was Sirius behind me, his overgrown hair was mussed. His uniform was in a bundle but he had a wide smile on his face. It was sickening how cheery he could be so early in the morning. It was rare that he was even up that early – usually he and James threw clothes on and ran to breakfast. Peter often work in-between them and me.   
  
'Up a bit early?' I slowed my steps to let him catch up with me.   
  
'Wanted to make sure you were okay,' he said after an uncharacteristic pause.   
  
'Of course I'm okay.'   
  
'I meant,' he shook his head, 'never mind.'   
  
I shrugged my shoulders. And we walked the rest of the way and went through getting ready with little remarkable conversation. We went together to the dorm, passing Peter on the way.   
  
'Watch this,' Sirius grinned. '_Aqua!_' he said with a flick of his wand. James was pleasantly awoken by a large puddle of water. His reaction was less than grateful. He leaped out of bed and proceeded to chase Sirius out of the room and through the Common Room.   
  
Did the two of them ever stop? If there wasn't a Slytherin around, they practiced their techniques on each other. I took my things and made my way to the Great Hall, hoping that they would at least remember that there was class.   
  
A couple of Gryffindor girls were there, as usual, when I go there. Lily Evans and Kay Jemmying. Evans was bright, quick to think and eager to learn. Jemmying was smart, she was ready to learn. What interested her most was Quidditch, she, too was a Chaser (and an avid fan of Man U, a football team she said). Both she and Jemmying were Muggle-borns and used that as an excuse to make the most of their time.   
  
'I just hope that Trouble One and Two behave themselves in Potions,' Jemmying was saying, 'why did we have to have it with the Slytherins?'   
  
'What do they think they're trying to prove?' Evans muttered, she looked to me as if I had some kind of mysterious insight.   
  
'I don't get it, either,' I confessed.   
  
The girls sighed in a way that I learned eventually meant '_BOYS!_' in the least flattering way.   
  
Peter and Sirius came in at the same time, Sirius was laughing uncontrollably and Peter, too, was having a hard time with laughter. They sat down and helped themselves to some food, though they were still laughing too hard to actually eat. A few minutes later James came in, his shirt was untucked and his tie untied, and he was pointing his wand at a certain black-haired Gryffindor. The Black Gryffindor grinned and shoved some eggs in his mouth before grabbing his thinks, telling a quick 'goodbye' and taking off, circling the Ravenclaw table before making his way to the entrance, his Potter tormentor chasing after him.   
  
'And it starts over again,' Peter murmured.   
  
'What happened?' Jemmying asked.   
  
'Sirius woke James up by dumping water on him,' I told her.   
  
'And then he started chasing James around, but James realised that he couldn't come here dressed as he was…'   
  
Peter and I looked at each other. Such was the life of a Marauder. 


	8. Seven: in which the truth is learned

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.  
  
Pairings: None as of yet, eventual sbxrl  
  
Summary: Remus gets closer to his friends, but at what cost?  
  
Second one today This is to all my reviewers. i love you.  
  
audi  
  
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**Seven**  
_In which the truth is learned._  
  
_Remus,  
  
I must say I was looking forward to spending the holiday with you, it has been so long since I have spent any time with other people (save for business purposes). However, spending time with your roommate is good for you, especially given his family. I envy him not at all. In the meantime, Happy Christmas, enjoy yourself.  
  
Quin_ The letter was tucked into a copy of _Practical Defensive Magick and Its Uses Against the Dark Arts_. It was the first time I had seen the book, and it was that book that really intensified my interest in the subject. Quin also sent me a large box of Cadbury Chocolates.  
  
'Did your guardian forget about you last year?' Sirius asked, nibbling on a Candied Cane. He didn't receive anything but a Howler.  
  
'Didn't have one last year.'  
  
'Oh?' he sat down next to me and sifted through my box.  
  
'I only met him during the summer hols.'  
  
He nodded, bidding me to continue. When I didn't, he did, 'so what happened to your parents?'  
  
I looked into his crystal blue eyes, 'they don't want me, and I don't blame them.' He pried into my soul, 'I lived with my uncle for a few years until my guardian, Quin, came. That's all.'  
  
'They didn't…' A mix of shock and outrage clouded his eyes.  
  
'I couldn't be the son they wanted, so they got rid of me.'  
  
'But…'  
  
'Look, Sirius, it's over. It was years ago. I don't have to see the Lupins again; I don't have to think about them. I don't want to think of them.' _À cause du loup._ 'Let it lie.'  
  
'Remy…'  
  
'Please don't pity me, Sirius, I don't need that.' He nodded mutely, not understanding. He wouldn't understand because I couldn't tell him about who I am. I couldn't tell him because I would have been expelled and he would have hated me, hated the wolf.  
  
We didn't perform any pranks. The Marauders were the four of us, and we only went against the Slytherins as a whole. Besides, Sirius thought best when he had James around to compare notes with. They were pranksters together. But, with me, Sirius didn't need to do that. He just talked with me. Often about classes or magickal theory. Sometimes, he would throw personal questions. He'd been trying that since Christmas our First Year. Forever he tried to divine me. I still felt his eyes on me.  
  
The thing was, I didn't understand him any more than he understood me.  
  
James was easy. He was the perfect Gryffindor. He was the Seeker on the Quidditch team and he delighted in making Slytherins miserable. He followed a strong lineage of Potters. He was bright and friendly, and it was easy to tell what he wanted. He was no where near growing up, but he was only twelve.  
  
Peter had grown a lot since I met him. He was growing more independent as the days went on. He got help in every subject with one of the three of us. But he had a lurking intelligence that was brought out by our marauding. Peter _idolised_ James. He did what he could to be like the pureblood. He himself was a Muggle-born, and he constantly wondered how he made Gryffindor. He needed confidence, but that would come with time.  
  
Sirius was just an outlier.  
  
'Remus! Have you seen any of my cousins lately?' he whispered loudly when he found me in the library.  
  
'Weren't they at home?'  
  
'They were but I think they're coming back,' he groaned. 'Too bad James took his cloak, we were going to get them when they got back.'  
  
'Just wait, James'll be back in a few days.'  
  
'But they'll strike first! They're always worse after they spend time in the Black Gathering of Death.'  
  
'Sirius, don't be melodramatic.'  
  
'Do you even understand the severity?'  
  
'If I said "yes", would you believe me?'  
  
'Remus!'  
  
'We'll get them good when James and Peter come back. Peter was researching _360 Hexes, Pranks and Jokes_. He was going to draft something and bring it back.'  
  
'But… Remus!'  
  
'Sirius, calm down. There's nothing you can do now. Just avoid them or something. Write your paper. Remember, twenty inches, "what is the importance of scarabs in Potions and how has the use changed over the years?"'  
  
'I'll just borrow yours,' he shrugged. When I started to protest he told me that I could use his transfiguration notes and it was even.  
  
When James and Peter did come back, they were ready with a solution. They had apparently talked about it the whole time on the train. The target was not one of Sirius' first cousins, but a more distant one: Severus Snape. It was ingenious yet simple. It was a Charm that would animate his quill. He would start writing and it would write something else. And then it would talk to him, driving him slowly crazy. They presented Sirius and me with the plans, Sirius decided the date and time while I smoothed the edges. I would perform the Charm, as I was both the least suspected and the most adapt at Charms.  
  
The first day of school was Tuesday 6 January and I did it in History. Binns didn't even notice. It took a while to take effect, so we wouldn't be there when it started. That was Sirius' idea. We would have to wait to see the effects until later.  
  
That evening I went to the library, finishing off my essay. It was late when I had stumbled back to the dorm. I was hungry. Not for food, really. But the moon was Wednesday and the wolf was tearing at me. Anyway, as I approached the room, I heard my roommates talking about something rather quietly, I only heard anything because of my enhanced hearing. When I entered the room, however, they shut up and looked like they were busy doing something alone. Sirius looked guiltily at me and Peter smelled vaguely of fear. James hid himself well.  
  
The next day I battled with the wolf constantly, before I headed down to the Whomping Willow. I crawled through the passage to the Shrieking Shack, my cage of darkness. There I let the wolf free, I let him control me because I could not control him.  
  
The sun rose and I crawled back, wounded and bruised, bleeding and pained, to the Whomping Willow, prepared to make my way to the infirmary. But my way was blocked by three people. Wordlessly the tallest of them came up to me and half carried me to the others. The second tallest then took hold of my other side. The four of us went together to the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey greeted me as she always did; with concern. The three didn't back off much as she cast her Charms and laid me in bed. Their eyes studied me as she fixed up what she could.  
  
'Remus…' Sirius choked, speaking finally, 'Remus…'  
  
I couldn't look at them. I couldn't let them see me like this. I couldn't let them pity me or hate me.  
  
'Just… go… a… way…' I rasped. I felt Peter leave and then James followed.  
  
'Remus… let me help you.'  
  
'Nothing… you can do… leave… Sirius…' I felt a solitary tear trail down my cheek. He laid a comforting hand on my shoulder before backing off. 


	9. Eight: in which promises are made

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.  
  
Pairings: None as of yet, eventual sbxrl  
  
Summary: The new friendship's power is tested.  
  
It is short... Sorry... i didn't much feel like going on and on about this. But it is importante, ne?  
  
Okay, before anyone yells at me, i realise that Dumbledore is a bit ooc. i have a hard time with him, which is why i generally avoid taking about him.  
  
Quin, i decided, was a Gryffindor. Because, Hell, all the great people are. Sirius… Remus… Oliver… Percy. Oh Yeah and i think this bloke with a scar on his forehead was, too. 0.o  
  
i love Sirius and Remus, like burning. They are so adorable. Mmmm shounen-ai makes me happiful.  
  
audi  
  
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**Eight**  
_In which promises are made._  
  
'You don't look so good, Remus,' a soft voice approached me. The room was dark and my eyes were sore. How long had I been crying. A handkerchief wiped at my eyes. 'Cheer up.' I registered the voice, it was Quin.  
  
''Gonna be expelled,' I choked, ''gonna be hated 'gain. Gonna have to leave you, too.'  
  
'Tell me, who told you that?'  
  
'Dumbledore. 'Said that I'd 'ave to leave.'  
  
'Ah-ha, and have you talked to him since then?' I shook my head. 'Let's clean you up and we can take you to see him.  
  
Minutes later we were walking down the halls, through the array of mazes that Hogwarts is. When we came up to the entrance to Dumbledore's study, Quin whispered the password and we climbed on up. Dumbledore was waiting at his desk for me. Quin laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder as he guided me to a chair, he stood behind me as we waited for the headmaster to speak.  
  
'You remember the conditions of your schooling, do you not, Mr. Lupin?' he began. I nodded shakily. 'You understand, then, what is to happen now that your roommates know about you.' Again I nodded. 'They understand that, too.' He waited to see if I would say anything, I didn't. 'Extraneous factors notwithstanding, an expulsion seems to be in order.'  
  
'…Extraneous factors?' I parroted.  
  
He looked shocked, like he had to go back and think about what he meant. 'You friends ask that I allow you to stay. They said that the only thing against you is something you cannot change. They asked me to let you argue your position,' his eyes smiled, 'go ahead, Mr. Lupin.'  
  
'I'm a werewolf, Headmaster.'  
  
'That would seem to be the case, wouldn't it?'  
  
'I want to learn,' I mumbled. 'I want to learn,' I repeated, more sure of myself. 'I want the classes and the books and… my friends.' It was, perhaps, the first time I said that would. _Friends_. I liked the sound of it.  
  
He considered my words (or, knowing Dumbledore, he looked like he considered my words) for a moment. 'You friends add that you deserve to be here more than any of them. Mr. Black, as I recall, was quite adamant. Now, go get some sleep, you're expected in class tomorrow morning.'  
  
The words sunk in. I could stay! My biggest fear was revoked. Quin led me out of the office and down the halls. I was thankful that he knew where he was going because I was too shocked to think. We were close to the Gryffindor dorm when I pulled on his arm to stop him.  
  
'I can stay?'  
  
'Of course,' he said as if there was never any doubt. 'Dumbledore said that rules are rules and he could not make an exception for you. Black said that you were an exception already. Potter said that you are the best student he can think of. They all said that it didn't matter to them. Remus, they're not going to let you fail and I'm not either. Nor is Dumbledore, believe it or not. Now, let's get you to your bed.'  
  
We paused by the Fat Lady and I gave the password, as he could not and we marched up the stairs. Something told me that Quin should not have been there, but it was comforting to have him with me. It gave me some courage to face James, Peter and Sirius. I opened the door to my room, and Quin walked in, right behind me. They were sitting on James' bed, which faced the door.  
  
'This is where I take leave,' Quin whispered, as he embraced me. 'Take care.' He turned and left. His footsteps fell on the stone stairwell, echoing through the halls to tell of his departure.  
  
'Don't just stand there,' Sirius said after a moment. As he beckoned me I looked at them. They seemed to be controlling themselves, from what I wasn't sure. I smelled the tang of uncertainty and the bitter tinge of fear.  
  
'We knew,' James stated, 'before this morning. We knew.'  
  
'Gone every month at the moon, sickly… your eating habits,' Sirius continued, 'we put it together.'  
  
'We suspected… and we were right,' Peter regretted.  
  
'I don't want your pity.'  
  
'We asked Dumbledore to let you stay because you're our friend,' Sirius told me, 'we promised, before you came back, that we won't tell anyone. You are Remus, and as far as we care, nothing's changed between us.'  
  
'We want to help you, we want to make it better for you because that's what friends do,' James added.  
  
'My parents, in an attempt to be humane tried to. They couldn't. I'm stuck like this. Doomed to have no one. That's life for a werewolf.' I crawled into my bed.  
  
'But it doesn't have to be,' Sirius replied as I closed the curtains. 

* * *

Please review. It gives me incentive to write more quickly.


	10. Nine: in which there is quasi intelligen...

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbrl

Summary: Sirius and Remus talk for a while.

i am sorry for the delay; i have some depression issues and have been feeling very apathetic lately. My anti-depressants aren't working yet and whatever. Anyway here it is. With a promise: there's something delicious in the next chapter i have already written part of it and i believe you will enjoy it and all its yaoi goodness.

Let me take a moment to thank you. i reply to any questions held within reviews, but i would like to thank Tommi Gurrl and Lily Among the Thorns (from ff.n) and Crazy Kneazle, Expressway, Timeturner, AlkHev, Shelly Alonso and BlownAway56 (from ) for their dedication and delicious ego boosters. Tasty. Because i write these in class, ff.n is usually updated first and takes forever to upload. Also available at my fanfiction site.

i am intending to make chapters longer and i apologise for the shortness. However i like to get them out and not drawl too much on little things. i hope to make them longer when i get closer and closer to the intended yaoi (which, for slashers, is kind of like slash but not really. Yaoi 101 ) i love foreshadowing – it is the main reason i am writing from the time i am, remember pre-PoA.

audi  


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**Nine**  
_In which there is quasi intelligent conversation._

It became a ritual for them to wait for me by the tree. They were waiting for me in February and they would wait for me every moon. Until only one did… But that's later. If nothing else we got closer together after that night. It was as if we now had a stronger glue to hold us together. We were the Marauders, and we were made of better stuff than everyone else.

I was initially moody and paranoid of their intents, but then I remembered who they were. My friends. They didn't pity me, at least not when I was near. I suspect that they talked about when I was gone (confirmed to a degree) but not to my face. I think, especially in the beginning, I would have broken down if they had.

I could probably account most of the pranks we pulled and most of the pranks they shot back at us. There's no reason to, though. Snivellus was our favourite target still. Well, that's to be expected, really. He wasn't liked much by the other Slytherins, he was, even at twelve, a greasy prick. But we weren't too exclusive, as James liked to say, and we shared our attentions with every Slytherin in our year equally.

Spring came as it's prone to do and Quidditch started up again. We were determined to beat the Slytherins that year. We could do it, too. So James and Sirius and the rest of the team practiced insanely. Whenever another team wasn't using the pitch then they were there. They were the only two Second Years on the team, and there were no First Years. But they loved it and they were as good as the others. Sirius was fast, perfectly suited to his Chaser position and James seemed to be the model Seeker, just as Patrick had said he would be.

Spring meant finals as well. I was well suited for the exams, I knew I would do well, but I studied anyway. I started to read James' and Sirius' notes, but then I realised that there was very little logic to the way that they took notes. Peter's notes were mediocre, but he always read everyone else's. Since James and Sirius were always practicing, I went over the year's material with Peter, helping him to remember what we had done over the year – just as I had done the year previous.

I still hadn't fully adjusted to my roommates' knowledge of my condition. I grew paranoid of them. I think they expected me to open up more to them, since I no longer had to hide myself, but I didn't.

'No practice today,' Sirius groaned as he slouched in his desk-chair. 'Bloody rain.' I looked over to him. I hadn't asked him. 'Jim is off with Pete. Bloody exams.'

'You could study, Sirius,' I suggested, dryly.

He shrugged his shoulders dismissively.

I was lying on my bed, reading over my astronomy notes, and I felt the bed sink. 'C'mon, Remy. I'm bored! It's Friday night, stop studying.' I glared at him. 'We could maraud?' he suggested.

'I'm studying, Sirius. Leave me be.'

'You don't need to study, you'll pass. You always pass,' he commented, 'you needn't worry. You're a genius, a bloody genius!' He leaned forward, blocking my light and I swatted him away, 'oi! Remy!'

'You're in my light, Sirius. Bugger off.'

'I'm hurt, wounded mortally,' he feigned hurt but didn't move. He stayed, silent, and I went back to my studying. 'It's because of your lycanthropy, that they left you, right?'

'What?'

'Your parents, they gave you away.'

'Yeah, to my uncle.'

'Who abused you.'

'Yeah.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Sirius. I don't want your—'

'"Pity", I know,' he sat more comfortably, leaning against my pillows, right next to me. 'I complain about the Blacks. I continuously whine about them. But you… you have it so much worse.'

'I have Quin, Sirius, besides, suffering is relevant. I didn't want to share. My pain is my pain, I can live with it.'

'You shouldn't have to,' he said. 'Don't lock it up, Remy, don't lock your pain inside of you.' He stopped, looked at me. 'Remy, we're friends, right? I mean, we've gotten closer this year, gotten to know each other.'

'Yeah, we're friends,' I replied, uncertain of where he was going.

'And you can trust me. No, don't say anything. I'm telling you that you can trust me – always,' he declared, 'and it hurts me when you're hurting, because we're friends. So,' he concluded, 'you need to tell me when you're hurting and I will try to make it better. Okay?'

I just looked at him and blinked.

'Remus,' he prompted. 'Promise me.'

'Okay, I promise.

'Good,' he grinned again and I went back to my papers thinking, falsely, that he was done. 'Remus, you're different that Jim and Pete.'

'I would hope so.'

'No – I mean. I can talk to you and you listen. Not that they don't listen, but you're different. When you're not mooning about, you're really, I don't know, you're so much more confident than the rest of us. You know?'

'What are you babbling on about? Confident ?' I questioned. 'And I do not moon!'

'You do, too,' he addressed the second statement but not the first. 'All the time. You're so moony sometimes it's absurd.'

'Moony?'

'Yeah, moony.'

I just laughed. I was still uncertain of what he wanted. Maybe he wanted something to do whilst James was gone or maybe he really did enjoy my company and all the excitement it provides. Or whatever. The point was, he was there, questioning me and making me laugh. It felt good to laugh and I found myself doing so more and more around the Marauders, especially Sirius.

'Moony, moony, moony!' he laughed, bending forward to catch himself.

Of course the other two chose that moment to come back, and they saw the two of us laughing, Sirius doing so hysterically. They shared a strange look:

'Did we miss something?' James asked Peter who shrugged. They got closer to us.

'Remus is moony,' Sirius laughed.

'Sirius!' I protested, trying to get him to calm down (as usual, to no avail).

'He's who?'

'He moons about all the time – he's moony.'

'Moon…' Peter began, 'werewolf?'

'A double meaning then,' James considered. He pulled his wand out of his robe pocket and grinned maliciously. He leaned over me, taping his wand against either shoulder in the mockery of a knighting ceremony. 'I hereby name thee Sir Moony of Gryffindor Tower.'

Sirius patted me on the back, by now he was unable to speak. Peter, too, was doubled over in laughter. I rolled my eyes and James simply shrugged. So much for studying.

The name, however, stuck. Moony. Whether or not I liked it, it became mine, signifying their acceptance of me and who I am. Moony, to me, became a persona of his own, someone of my Hogwarts years. Now I am Remus J. Lupin, the werewolf in the hidden cottage. But then, then I was Moony. Just Moony. A simple name that meant so much to me. It does mean so much to me. Moony represents a time that I loved and that I can never regain.

Moony is who I was before I locked myself away. Moony is someone that I want to meet again though I doubt I will. Only he can reawaken him, though I know that's impossible…


	11. Ten: in which the wolf is taunted

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbrl

Summary: Remus learns more about himself.

Yay officially shounen-ai. Wai!!

i'm thinking of giving Quin a lover. He's so lonely… Mmm Remus could go back after Third Year and meet him. i think i like that idea. Anyone have an opinion on this?

For any American readers: by football i mean not the Bears and the Packers. i mean real football, the thing you call 'soccer' with real teams. Man U is Manchester United, by the by. Since every English boy seems to be a football fan, i gave Peter Man U.

Oh, and one last thing: Oscar Wilde God. i love him so much. If you haven't read The Picture of Dorian Grey, do so. And then you'll be hooked.

audi

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**Ten**  
_In which the wolf is taunted._

'You know I don't want to let you go back this year,' Quin told me.

'Seriously?'

'Well, halfway,' Quin replied. 'Gets lonely without you. You're good company.' _I can talk to you and you listen._ 'It's great to talk to someone who actually listens to me once and a while.' He spent most of his time arguing for groups of people that most wizards didn't care about and therefore didn't listen. While I thought, at first, that it was bizarre that he was fighting for half-breds—monsters—I learned that his twin brother, a werewolf, was brutally murdered. In his blood his killers wrote 'Death to Werewolves'. The event touched Quin, and he spent his time avenging his brother. I think he saw his brother in me. I had chances that he never had and I tried not to let the wolf take over me. Whatever he saw, and whatever he thought, he pushed aside and just loved me. And that was okay with me.

'I think you're crazy.'

'Maybe so,' he retorted, 'but I'm okay with that.' He paused, took a drink of his tea – it was good, strong Earl Grey, his favourite and mine – before he spoke again; 'I'm going to France as soon as you leave for Hogwarts. There's a werewolf pack in the south that's being persecuted. The Alpha has agreed to speak to me. Remus,' he looked at me, 'Charlot Lupin is the head of the opposition.'

'Papa,' I whispered, registering the name. Quin nodded. 'I don't care. He hates me, Quin. He hates all werewolves. Defeat him. Do it for me.'

Quin reached over and ruffled my sandy brown hair. 'Somehow I knew you'd say that. You're sure?'

'Of course. I mean, what have the Lupins ever done for me?' I cupped my hands around my mug of hot chocolate, 'why would I ever need the Lupins when I have you, Quin? You're all the family I need. And that's the truth.'

His eyes danced in happiness at my confession. Did he still think that I would seek relocation? He was my guardian by law and my friend by association. I trusted him, truly and fully. 'Are you sure you don't want to skip Hogwarts this year?'

'Sorry, Quin, but I need to keep my roommates out of too much trouble, I owe them that much,' we grinned, I had told him about our Marauding and he had, in turn, given me more ideas. He was, after all, a Gryffindor at heart, and he had his fair share of battling against the Slytherins in his Hogwarts years.

At any rate, we made it to the train on time and I got my own cabin, again, this time hoping for James, Peter and Sirius to find me.

'Moony!' Sirius slipped into the cabin, followed shortly by Peter.

'Remus,' Peter greeted, taking a seat. 'Is James not here yet?'

'I haven't seen him,' I replied, 'but he's always late for everything.'

'I heard that, Moony,' James accused, entering and taking his own seat. His brown eyes told me it was all in good humour, even as he pretended to look hurt.

'We're Third Years now,' Sirius told us happily. 'You know what that means?'

'Upcoming OWLs?' I asked. Sirius swatted me. 'Well we have to start thinking about them sometime.' James kicked me.

'Hogsmede!' Peter answered happily.

'Yes! Indeed it does! Aaand, I actually got my parents to sign my letter.'

'They were probably so excited as they bought things for your brother that they would have done anything you asked, Sear,' James laughed.

'You just had to remind me about Regulus, didn't you?'

'I can't have you forgetting, now can I?'

Sirius groaned.

'Regulus?' Peter asked.

'Sirius' younger brother,' I reminded him. 'He's a First Year and the model Black. And,' I continued, 'he's like to go complaining to mummy every time Sirius gets caught marauding.'

Sirius groaned.

'He's mummy's little boy,' James added, 'always had been. He's been ratting Sear out for at least as long as I've known him.'

'The first bloody words out of his mouth were, "Sirius did it!",' he groaned. 'Not only do I have to see him at home, but also at school. Who did I piss off?' he buried his head in his hands, his silky hair fell over him like a waterfall and I tried hard not to stare.

Regulus was, as expected, placed in Slytherin. We would have been surprised if it had happened any other way. He had the same black hair and blue eyes that Sirius did, but the same blue was different; evil. Sirius' were pure, if not mischievous, but Regulus' made my spine tingle. Maybe it was a prophecy of what was to come. I didn't know anything then, but I think that that might be the case. At any rate, he was the ideal Black, everything that Sirius wasn't. That in and of itself was a bad thing.

The Quidditch team started practising early, determined to win. They were good, or so I was told, hopefully they could do it. I hoped, for Sirius' and James' sakes, that they did. Quidditch was their life, although I didn't understand it at all. Nor did Peter. Every time they went of trying to explain it he would equate it to something called football and point at his Man U posters on the wall. That, in turn, confused Sirius and James. Peter would mutter something about purebloods and then the discussion would be over.

Peter was, more and more often, the shadow of James. I'm not sure why he chose James to shadow, but it had been growing more. If he needed something, anything, he went to James first, even if it was something that Sirius or I could help with more. James was never wrong in his eyes.

Quin, again, had given me some books for my birthday and I brought them with me to Hogwarts to read. None of them were wizard books and most of them were fiction. '_You spend too much time reading informative texts, your head will burst if you're not careful. Read these, I think you'll like them.' _So I sat on the window seat, with _The Complete Collection of Oscar Wilde_ on my lap enjoying the sunlight and his wonderful prose without intruption.

'Moooony,' Sirius whined as he discovered my hiding spot. I looked up at him, impatiently willing him to get on with it. 'I need a favour.'

'A favour?' I choked.

'I've a date with Jemmying on Sunday.' I knew that of course. He'd asked her, determined to be the first one to go on one in our year. They were going to go to Hogsmede. She blushed whenever he looked at her. Although, even at thirteen he was… beautiful, gorgeous… bloody godly! 'And well… I've… er, neverbeenkissed.'

'You… I…' I realised what he was asking and my jaw dropped. He didn't ask James and he didn't ask Peter. He asked me. 'Why?'

'Don't want to mess up,' he smiled. 'Game?'

Unable to speak, I nodded slightly. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine in the most chaste of kisses. My heart skipped a beat. He pulled away and looked at me. He moved forward again, this time he parted my lips gently with his tongue in a more thorough kiss, a more definite and defining kiss. The kind that tells a story and the kind one can never forget. My heart sped up. We parted, for air, and our eyes met. He grinned, nonchalantly as if it meant nothing at all.

'Thanks,' he said. 'You're the best.'

'Sure,' I replied, equally removed. And I watched him leave, readying himself to go to Quidditch practice.

I watched him leave and I willed my heart to slow, begged myself to forget. I couldn't forget. The feel of his lips on mine. Merlin, how perfect! The wolf welled up, yelling at me. He screamed. He wanted more, he wanted me to unleash him. He wanted. I was so scared. I huddled up, where I stood, and cried. I was alone with the wolf, his was tearing at me and I felt s defenceless right then. So very weak and helpless. And I just cried.

The wolf is always there, he and I are two separate beings sharing the same body. He and I don't always want the same thing. Quite often we don't. Right then he decided he wanted Sirius. I didn't know why but he wanted me to go after Sirius. I told him to stop and to back down, I was at war with myself. Whatever the wolf wanted, whatever he craved, I couldn't give it to him.

I resolved to write to Quin. He knew more about werewolves that I did and he would understand the wolf's reaction to Sirius more than anyone else. I was sure of that. So I wrote my letter to Quin and ran to the owlery to send it to him

I then wandered the halls aimlessly. I was thirteen but I did know a thing or two about what two people do when they're alone, mind you. I mean, I did live with Sirius and James. But I never knew that a bloke kissing you could feel so good. I mean. I tried so hard to get it out of my mind. Sirius only did it so that he would know how to kiss Jemmying, if the situation arose. He did it because we were friends and he thought I'd dismiss it as quickly as he did.

At dinner we sat as we usually did, I was next to Sirius who was across from James who was next to Peter. They were talking lividly about the Quidditch practice and what have you and I focused intently on my food. Meatloaf. It wasn't my favourite by any means, but I did need the meat. The others knew this and, when they thought I wasn't looking, they shovelled more onto my plate.

'Oi,' I protested, 'there are limits to what I can consume.'

'But you need the meat,' Peter whispered, as always afraid that others would overhear and piece things together.

'I do, but not quite that much. My stomach is about to explode.'

'Moon's tomorrow night,' Sirius whispered, 'Wednesday, so you need it.'

'I know when the moon is,' I almost growled.

'So, Hogsmede,' James quickly changed the subject, 'since Sear's got a date, you two up for reeking havoc on new territory with me?'

He just had to talk about Sirius' bloody date! 'Always,' I grinned.

'Count me in!' Peter replied. 'Sirius doesn't know what he's missing!'

'More fun without him, right?' James joked.

'You're just jealous, Jim, that I've a date and you don't. And she's pretty.' James kicked him under the table, 'well, it's true!'

'You just keep saying that, Sear, we'll see who wins out.'

'Is there a competition, Moony?' Peter asked me.

'It's Sirius and James, Peter, who knows what's happening?' I sighed, 'one day they'll run out of things to row about and then the world will stop moving.'

'We do not row!' James declared.

'We bicker in a kindly manner,' Sirius finished.

Peter and I moaned.

The moon passed, and the boys took me to the infirmary, as they always did and I got healed and tried to make up my work that I inevitably missed. All-in-all, it was a standard moon in a standard month. Thankfully the wolf began to hide himself as the moon began to wane. That meant he didn't act up every time Sirius was in the same room as me.

On Sunday night, after we had thoroughly explored Hogsmede and gouged on more than our fair share of sweets, I received an owl. We were studying, or trying to, for our Potions test on Monday, and he just flew in an offered me his letter. I recognised the tawny as being Quin's as I opened the letter happily.

_Remus, _

I've good news. The Alpha spoke to me and was more than happy to have me help them. Their pack has about twenty werewolves in it and they live harmoniously in their own little village. They offer solitude to any werewolf fleeing from the harm that others give them. The Alpha is a wizard, but most of the others were Muggles. Their goal is to create a sanctuary for werewolves away from humans who they may harm. Charlot Lupin doesn't stand a chance, I'm proud to say. We had the initial hearing on Friday, after they had recovered from Wednesday's full moon, and most of the French Ministry seems sympathetic to the cause.

In response to your question I fear that my news is not so good. You may not like what I am going to tell you, but you need to know. Wolves, Remus, are very loyal and territorial creatures. Their pack contains a hierarchy. It is, perhaps, in order to maintain their order that they mate for life. Wolves keep their same mate through all, often even dying close to the death of their mate. Werewolves are no different. They, too, mate for life, often in the human form. I believe that Sirius' kiss, though it meant nothing to either of you, and I speak of you in your human form, it meant something to the wolf who decided that he liked Sirius. Be careful around him. You have awoken the wolf. It is probably too early to begin making assumptions, you are only thirteen, but if the wolf chooses Sirius as his ideal mate, you are going to have to fight him with all your will if you want otherwise.

I will do more research on this. I can ask the tribe and read up for you, but I don't believe the answer will change. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I want to be truthful to you. Hang in there.

Love,  
Quin

* * *

Reviews boost my ego--> boosted ego means i want to write more.


	12. Eleven: in which one boy has two minds

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sb(plus)rl

Summary:the Marauders exert semi-deviant behaviours.

Yay officially shounen-ai. Wai!!

Sorry, another lapse of depression and complete apathy. i hope you weren't too upset by the very minor cliff-hanger-ish-thing i did at the end of Chapter Ten.

For those of you who may not have figured out (and i think you may be blind or something) this is a SiriusxRemus yaoi story (which means malexmale) and Quin's lover will be male when i introduce him.

i know that my usage of Filch and his cat makes them both very old. Deal with it, it makes life more interesting for me and helps me make the Marauder's Map more easily.

i also realise that i am spending far more time in Third Year than i did in First and Second. The idea is to spend more time in the Years that actually matter to me and have what i consider important plot issues.

audi

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**Eleven**  
_In which one boy has two minds._

I looked at the letter, and read it over a few times. _Mating??_ Besides, it was just a kiss. Okay, two kisses if I wanted to be truly honest about it. And Sirius was my _friend_! Quin must have gotten something wrong.

A thousand excuses went through my head, but I knew that he was right, and I cursed him for it. He was the specialist in werewolves, and I didn't doubt that he knew things I didn't. Even so, I hoped that Quin was wrong. That there was some possibility that he made a mistake. I told the wolf off. It was easy enough, considering that it wasn't a full moon, of course I didn't want to see how he would act come the next moon.

I folded the letter carefully and tucked it in my pocket. I would read it over and over throughout the years, to the point where it was too creased to be truly legible. I hid it from my friends, not wanting them to know the sense of my discomfort. I pushed it from my thoughts, though, when I was around them. I let my friendships with James, Peter and especially Sirius continue to flourish and grow.

'It's so disgusting,' Sirius cringed. It was around October, a month or so after the kiss. 'How can that even be legal?'

'Because they're writing too many anti-werewolf laws to consider illegalising it,' I sighed. Sirius patted my back encouragingly.

'It is rather disgusting,' Peter agreed, from James' bed. They were sitting on James' and Sirius and I were on his. 'It makes me loose my apatite.'

'He should bathe more often,' James commented.

Sirius laughed, 'that's assuming he already does bathe.'

I thought for a moment, 'I've an idea; up for some marauding?' They nodded, as if it were obvious that they were. I should have guessed. 'There's a potion I was reading about earlier,' I quickly fetched a heavy, brass-bound book, ' "To Dye For",' I read, ' "a semi-permanent dye for any kind of hair in any chosen colour. Guaranteed to cover grey hair and provide the perfect blond." There's a different mixing depending on how many washes you want it to last for. Let's do… five. We can bet on how long it takes him to wash his hair five times.'

Sirius grinned, 'and what does the winner get?'

I shrugged, 'no clue.'

'How about whatever they want from Honeydukes at the expense of the others?'

'I say five months,' Sirius called.

'I'll take mid March,' James called.

'I've got July,' Peter called, 'though I might be inclined to believe it's never been washed before.' We all laughed.

'Five weeks,' I replied hesitantly.

They laughed again, this time at me, but it seemed unimportant after a minute. We began working on the mechanics. It could be applied like a standard dye, but then we'd have had top put it in his shampoo – assuming he used any – and that was too difficult for us, especially considering the difficulty of obtaining certain ingredients. No, we would get it to him orally, much simpler. We would brew the potion and then condense it. Either James or Sirius (or both) could walk over to the Slytherin table, pick a fight with someone, drop the colourless tablet into Snivellus' drink and no one would notice. The potion itself would take twenty-four hours to work, and Snivellus would be too worried about his hair to think about who could have done it. It was brilliant, if I must say so myself, and one of our more fun pranks.

Our biggest problem was the Midnight Mould. The best place we could think to get any kind of mould would be near the dungeon. And Midnight Mould was, not surprisingly, found at midnight. It was the ingredient that held the dye to the hair. Only two of us could fit under James' Cloak, and, since it was past curfew, the Cloak was needed. It was decided that I should go, as I knew the potion and mould best. Sirius would go with me because James had control of the last paired marauding. That meant James would actually give it to him, which would be easy enough for him.

So we went, on a Wednesday (because, honestly, who expects anything to happen on a Wednesday night?) right around a quarter 'till. We went from memory, for fear of being caught by the light of a lantern. We scrambled across the castle, heading towards enemy territory. As midnight approached, we neared a patch of mould, the bright blue glow of our target was apparent. I left the Cloak and bent down to gather what we needed as Sirius stood guard. I filled the container, there was extra but I didn't really care. We then gathered back into the Cloak and made our way back. This time Sirius led and I kept watch on our mould, making sure not to let it seep out of its container. It's rather impatient.

We went threw the corners and Sirius stopped, pushing his hand against my chest and made a silencing motion against his lips. It was Filch's cat. The bloody animal has always an impeccable sense to find us under the Cloak. Sirius pulled on my arm and tugged me into a nearby closet. He dropped the Cloak and it fell around our ankles. We were pressed fairly close together in there, the container the only thing separating us.

He whispered to me, mouth touching my ear, 'I think we're safe here for a minute, Moony.'

'As long as the Mould stays still,' I tilted my head slightly to whisper in his ear.

The closeness to Sirius triggered the wolf and I felt him growl fierily. I whimpered, and Sirius closed his hand over my mouth and I felt him telling me to be quiet. We heard footsteps echoing past the door and Filch muttering to his cat. We waited, hardly daring to breathe. 'Nothing there, Mrs. Norris,' he told her and we heard the footsteps vanish off in the direction that we had come. We both breathed a sigh of relief and Sirius gathered the Cloak around us once again and opened the door. We proceeded to the dorms, as quickly as we could, practically slamming the door behind us.

James and Peter came to greet us and Sirius retold our story flourishly. James took the container from me and the two of us went to our caldron to add it and finish it off.

'There has got to be a way to throw him off,' Sirius groaned.

'How can his cat,' James whined, 'find it?'

'There might be a way,' I pondered as I added the Wormwood, 'I think I read something a while ago, let me find the book.'

'Remind me,' Sirius started, 'never to mock your reading again, Moony.'

'I'll do that,' I grinned.

'Potion's finished,' James announced, 'but we need to let it sit for a day before shrinking it.' He put a lit over the caldron and made towards his bed, deliberately slipping under the covers and turning on his side. 'Last one in bed, deal with the candles.' His eyes closed and he fell asleep.

Peter was next and then Sirius. I was last, as I was the furthest from my bed, and I willed the candles out before sticking my wand under my pillow. Soon the gentle snoring of James filled the air and Sirius' not-quite snore followed. It was reassuring, the noise. Peter and I both knew that without it, we would have problems sleeping every night.

I thought again of the wolf's reaction earlier that night. Or morning. Whatever it had been. In the closet, he had growled. Quin was right, bloody hells, Quin was right. He had chosen Sirius and was trying to give me no choice in the matter. I was lost. At thirteen I already felt like I was being betrayed by my inner self, because I was. Most thirteen-year-olds, I thought bitterly, didn't have a wolf-half with his own agenda. It wasn't fair, but what was I to do about it? Would I really have to endure the wolf on that matter as well? I wasn't one to give him what he wanted. He came out every moon and that was the only thing I let him do, seeing as I had no choice. But other than that, all I can do is try to push him back, try to exert some authority. The human body is mine, I will decide what happens to it.

The only problem is, he's so much stronger than I am.

In the morning, we headed to do our usual routines. I woke first and was met on my way out of the shower by Peter. I finished up some things and then the two of us went to breakfast. Fifteen minutes before we needed to head for class, James and Sirius joined us.

That evening we Shrunk the potion, capturing the whole caldron into a tiny capsule. The next morning, James and Sirius hurried a little bit, making it to the Hall about ten minutes earlier. Snivellus was there, eating on a separate side of the table. Regulus grinned at Sirius and told him that he had something to show him. He threw a pathetic hex at Sirius, and Sirius blocked it. Right before Sirius could backfire, he was stopped by Professor McGonagall, who took ten House points from Regulus for hexing Sirius. In the commotion, no one noticed James sneaking the capsule into Snivellus' pumpkin juice. And no one noticed as he drank the whole thing down.

The two deviants grinned as they sat down across from Peter and me. Sirius got back pats from those who had seen the exchange.

''Never thought they'd get points taken away during this,' Sirius whispered triumphantly.

'All in a day's work,' James grinned. 'I can't wait to see how it works though.'

I rolled my eyes dramatically and they laughed. Ah, to be a Marauder!

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reviews make me want to write more


	13. Twelve: in which there is chocolate

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbrl

Summary: the Marauders maraude and Snivellus is left without a suspect.

It's short. Sorry.

audi

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**Twelve**  
_In which there is chocolate._

The next morning I woke, as usual, and was followed to the showers by the other three Marauders, all anxious to see Snivellus' transformation. So we hurried to the Hall to wait. We pulled out notes to use studying as a guise to be there early, though there was no way there would be any studying done.

Rose. Fuchsia. Orchid. Magenta. Bubblegum. Pink. Bright, blinding pink.

Everyone in the Hall turned and gaped, taking it for a moment before laughing hysterically. Snivellus tried to pretend he didn't notice, but it's hard not to notice the entire school laughing.

It was priceless.

His pale skin, turning an unbecoming shade of red as we watched, was accented by the bright pink mass upon his head. He glared over at the Gryffindor table, as if he were trying to puzzle out which one of us had done it. And how. We four were the natural suspects, but we had done nothing (insofar as he knew). He sat down stiffly and began to eat, trying again to ignore the jibes from his Housemates.

Poor Snivellus. He was such an easy target for the Marauders. This was, in part, because he wasn't very well liked by the Slytherins. He spent much time following Lucius Malfoy, who was then a Sixth Year, and his cronies. Malfoy seemed to not be bothered by him, and I think it was though his association with Snivellus that Snivellus didn't get pulverised.

It was Friday and thus time for everyone's favourite: double Potions with the Slytherins. We went to the dungeons unhappily, as always, everyone dreaded it. Professor Virulent was waiting for us, standing behind his desk with an air of self-importance. Snivellus paused as he passed us, 'if I find out you did this, you'll be sorry,' he threatened.

'I think you're jumping to conclusions, Snape,' James said calmly. 'Why would we ever want to dye your hair? Furthermore, _how_ could we?'

'I know you did it. I just need to find proof. I'm watching, Potter, Black.' He stalked off to his seat.

'Is this a face that wishes to cause mischief to anyone?' Sirius asked batting his eyelashes. We all laughed.

'Now, if everyone would stop focusing on Snape's hair and _pay attention_,' Virulent began. 'Today we begin Enhancements. Will someone please tell me what they are?' My hand sheepishly went up. Class had begun.

Christmas came around and, like always, Sirius and I stayed while James and Peter went home. Quin asked me to come back for Christmas and I did feel guilty staying, but I didn't want Sirius to be alone, I told him. He understood. He said though, that he had a bit of a surprise for me, but he guessed it would have to wait until I came back in the summer. This, of course, piqued my curiosity.

More than once over the Christmas hols I would return to the dorm room to find Sirius reading avidly. Whenever I asked him what he was reading and why, he would smile and tell me it was nothing. I didn't ask, it seemed he didn't want me to.

For Christmas Quin sent me a collection of Muggle philosophy including Plato, Voltaire and Dostoevsky. Sirius gave me chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Other than that, Christmas was pretty quiet, as it usually was.

On Boxing Day Sirius and I went marauding. I had a bit of an idea I wanted to try out and for it to work I needed a school map. The only full school maps that we could possibly obtain were in Filch's office. We figured that he would be off guard because of the holiday. James had left his Cloak for that purpose so we waited outside Filch's office for him to leave before we went in and rummaged through his desk. It didn't matter if he knew _someone_ had been there, the point was he wouldn't know _who_.

'That was so easy,' Sirius laughed as we got back to our room. 'What do you need it for anyway, Moony?'

'You'll see,' I promised.

'Moooony!' he groaned.

I winked and went to looking at the map. There was only one so I only had one chance. It would take lots of work, and I doubted that I would finish it before the end of the year, so I didn't want to get up anyone's hope quite yet. But when it was finished… Uninterrupted marauding! Okay, so we had one track minds, but we were boys.

That moon, on 28 December, I was alone with Sirius, but he was there, helping three times as hard, to make up for the absence of Peter and James. It was a bad one and bloody cold, but he carried me faithfully to the infirmary.

And so December rolled into January and Snivellus' hair was back to its customary black. The other Marauders sullenly paid me in chocolates. Sirius got a Howler from his mother, who yelled at him for his "horrible behaviour towards his brother, his cousins and the Black tradition". Sirius laughed so hard yet we all felt his suffering. Summer would be, as usual, a living hell for him. We wanted to be there with him, yet we knew we could not.

We said heated good-byes at the end of the year. We promised to meet early at Diagon Alley to do our shopping together and get a head start on our marauding. We would be Fourth Years. Plus, we would owl each other. This promise was harder for Peter, who was Muggle-born, and for Sirius, whose parents tried to blockade his mail. But we were the Marauders, and we would work something out. And so the train ride passed and we stepped out on Platform 93/4. James and Peter saw their parents immediately and waved before running off. Sirius' parents were so absorbed in Regulus that it took them a moment to call Sirius to them. But he left slowly. The crowd thinned and I couldn't see Quin anywhere. Had he forgotten about me? Had he abandoned me? Being the pessimist that I am, my mind jumped first to the worst conclusions.

'Remus Lupin?' I heard my name and turned around. There was a man of average height and red hair standing in front of me. 'Rian Higgins,' he pronounced in a thick, Scottish accent as he extended his hand. 'Quin got tied up with something an asked me to come pick you up.' I raised a questioning eyebrow. 'He's caught up in a meeting about the case he's working on. The Alpha came from France to offer some more information. Charlot isn't giving up as quickly as we had hoped. Don't worry though, Quin will win.' I took the hand he had offered and shook it and he smiled triumphantly. 'We're going to meet him for lunch, hungry?' I nodded and he grinned. It was close to the full moon, he must have known about me. I didn't know anything about him, but Quin had told him all about me. I couldn't help but feel a little hurt at that.

He took my trunk and we walked from the station and took a taxi to the entrance to Diagon Alley. We dropped my trunk off in the tavern, with promises that it would be kept safe, before we left, re-entering Muggle London.

'We decided on a Muggle pub, I hope there're no objections.' I shook my head to the negative. We walked for a mile or so until we reached one of those quaint little pubs that's just like every other one in London. 'The inkeep's a Squib,' he whispered to me, 'I've known him for years.'

We sat down at a small table in the corner; the pub was more or less empty anyway. He ordered a pint for himself and I got a pot of tea. I just looked at him, trying to read him. Trying and failing. He didn't push me though, he sat and studied me as well.

'Sorry to keep you waiting,' a welcomed voice broke the silence.

'Quin!' I exclaimed, jumping to give him a hug.

'My meeting took longer than I expected,' he apologised, 'I hope Rian didn't bother you too much.' Rian gave an innocent look and Quin rolled his eyes before sitting down next to him.

We ate (I ate much more than they did) and then returned to get my trunk and then went off to Quin's house, Rian followed us the whole way. It was just before I was planning to go off to bed, and Quin was making our customary tea and hot chocolate that Rian left.

We sat, together, and he paused as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say to me.

'I told you at Christmastime that I had a bit of a surprise waiting at home,' Quin reminded me. I nodded. 'I knew Rian in Hogwarts, he was in the year below me. I hadn't seen him in years, but we met in France, in Paris, actually, and, well, we hit it off.' He paused. 'Remus, he's moved in.'

'Come again?'

'Rian is my lover, Remus.'

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please review.


	14. Thirteen: in which things that seem easy...

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbxrl, rianxquin (ocxoc)

Summary: Remus descovers something about himself.

I had another bout of depression, and I am sorry for the delay on the updating of this chapter. It's mostly Remus, Quin and Rian, but to make up for the original characters (whom I love) there's yaoi-ish goodness in this chapter.

Okay, so it was my birthday on 6 December and I went out piercing (upper helix and navel at Tomato Tattoo in Lisle, Illinois), if you want to see pictures, just ask me, annnd my parents got me the new PS2 flat… so I just had to try it out >  
RianxQuin. I am so happy for Quin, it makes me want to burst.

audi

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**Thirteen**  
_In which things that seem easy are not._

I grinned then, feeling genuinely and truly happy for him. 'That's brilliant, Quin, he seems like a really nice bloke. And now I won't have to feel quite so guilty about leaving you alone.'

'I, thanks Remus,' he came over and embraced me. 'I was worried you would be, you know, upset about it.'

'Why?'

'Prejudices and, whatever,' he shrugged. 'Pretty silly, eh?'

'I'm a werewolf, Quin,' I reminded him. 'Besides, if you're right the wolf has chosen Sirius,' I sighed. Hating myself for bringing up a topic I wanted to forget.

'Have you?'

'Have I what?'

'Chosen Sirius.'

'Quin!' I protested. 'Sirius is my _friend_. We are very close, but the fact remains, he is my friend.'

He nodded, understanding. His eyes, however, told me that neither the conversation nor the topic was finished yet. I finished my chocolate and went up to bed. My thoughts raced all over the place as sleep went further and further away.

_Moony, _

Did you survive the moon okay? I know that we don't really help with anything, but I do worry about you. Although, your guardian (Quin, is it?) probably takes good care of you. I do feel guilty that you've had so many transformations without anyone there for you and I wish that we could be there for you to help out during the moon itself. No, I wish that you didn't have to feel the pain at all, that I can just take it all away from you. It isn't fair that you have to transform as you do.

I knew that my life would be Hell, why can't we Maraud around Regulus and teach him a bloody lesson? Oh, right, because I pay for it during the summer. It's well after midnight and I managed to sneak out to owl this (James sent his owl to me, and that's why that's James' owl). If you want to owl me, send them through him, hopefully they'll get to me. I'm locked away during the day, that is when they're not lecturing me. It's my fault that I was chosen for Gryffindor (even though I would have killed myself if I were a Slytherin). And shame on me that I target the poor Slytherins in my deviance. I think I might throw up.

Moony! How I miss you! I think you're the one that keeps me sane. No, I'm certain of it. James is nice enough as is Peter, but you're the smartest one and the most down to earth.

I can't wait for class. 'Bet you never thought you'd hear me say that, eh, Moony? But I need to be back at Hogwarts. Back with you. Sod it all! If I could Time Turn, I would. If I were old enough to Apparate I would. Enough lamenting, though. you get the point and I don't want to moon on it (no pun intended).

Don't let your ego deflate, Moony. You're great, you don't need us to tell you that.

Sirius

I read Sirius' letter and felt sorry for him. He tried not to complain too much around me ever since he learned about my parents and my uncle. I didn't hold it against him, I knew the Blacks were horrible, I wasn't about to doubt it. We had horrible lives. Mine was improving and his was not. I had Quin and he had scores of pureblooded relatives hanging around him. Past life notwithstanding I'd say he had it pretty bad, and I don't think any would argue with me.

I've already said that Quin treated me like a father should, right? Well, Rian was his compliment in so many ways. I guess that would make him the motherly figure though that follows stereotypes that they don't fit into. Rian looked after my diet. He fed me immense amounts of rare meat more instantly than Quin did and, for all that he was well over six feet tall, he was very cuddly. He took to me immediately and adopted me as Quin had.

It was still to Quin that I brought my problems and it was still Quin that could sense them. He kept looking at me, watching me, waiting for me to come to him to finish our discussion. We would talk about _whatever_ during our private, before bed drink, but he never brought it up. Rian, Quin and I kept ourselves busy during that time, we played games and went out. They showed me parts of the Muggle world that I had never seen before.

And I fought with myself.

Okay, I know it's around that age (early teens) that kids, you know, start wondering (or in some cases) start _doing_. What _did_ I feel for Sirius? I mean, I liked him, I knew that, but other than that? He was someone special to me, we treated each other differently than we did James or Peter… But that was because we were us, wasn't it?

I knew where the wolf stood on the issue: he wanted to claim Sirius for his own more than he had ever wanted anything ever before. But me? I liked being with Sirius. No, I loved it. I relished every minute I spent with him. I felt like I could see him like no one else could. And I loved just to be close to him. To…

Blimely! I realised, in a single moment, I was in love with my best friend. Bloody hells! I was in love with Sirius Black.

As my nickname suggested, I mooned around for a while, sitting often in my favourite chair with a cup of hot chocolate grasped between my hands. I became quite familiar with the flowered print on the walls and the little specs on the ceiling.

'Okay, Remus, enough of this,' Quin came to me one day in mid-August, 'tell me what's bothering you.'

'You were right,' I told him weakly.

'I often am,' he grinned. When I didn't respond, he took a more serious tone, 'about what?'

'About Sirius.'

'Oh,' he responded, 'oh.'

'I think I am in love with him,' I moaned, 'I want him as much as the wolf does.' I looked into my half-empty mug, swirling the liquid around with a few half-minded twists. 'Why me?' I dry-sobbed, 'Quin, why always me?'

'Boys have been asking that for centuries, Remus, and there is yet to be an answer,' he took the mug from me and scooted me over to sit next to me, the two of us fitting comfortably on the oversized chair. 'I suppose telling him would be out of the question.'

'He's already started dating his way though the school.'

'So you said,' he nodded.

'I can suppress the wolf's desires,' I told him.

He ran a long fingered hand through my hair, 'I know you can, but what about your emotions?'

I shook my head, 'being close to him is enough for me.'

'You can't be serious,' he mumbled against my hair. You need to be fair to yourself, Remus.'

'I could loose Sirius entirely,' I retorted. 'It's better to have him near me than to have him hate me.'

'Is he so bad a person that he would hate you for your confession?'

'It's not that, just… If he doesn't feel it, then it'll be awkward… our friendship could…'

'And you're not like the other teens,' Rian added, joining us on the chair for a more tight, but still comfortable, fit. 'I don't envy you at all, lad.' He circled an arm behind me to rest on Quin's shoulder and the other lay on my knee. 'You may have to wait and see what Sirius does because you always have to consider what your other half will do.'

I just sighed and enjoyed their warmth and comfort. Maybe it was an abandoned child thing or maybe it was a wolf thing, but I did like this semblance of family. My home pack.

I told myself that I could see Sirius and it would be fine, I could contain myself and just spend time with him. It would be easy, I thought. Even with my confession, I would pretend everything was just as it was, because nothing had changed but my feelings.

Then I saw Sirius.

As usual, I was there first, in the cabin, and James and Peter got there next. The train was due to leave when Sirius popped in. If he was gorgeous the last year then he was beyond description that year. He had let his hair grow more and it was gathered in a loose ponytail at his neck. Strands fell and framed his perfect face and his blue eyes glowed brilliantly. His voice, even saying a simple greeting, was like music, flowing magickally and without means.

This was going to be harder than I thought.


	15. Fourteen: in which some indulge and othe...

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden. i do not own Shakespeare either. i hope he's burning in Hell.

Pairings: sbxrl, rianxquin ocxoc

Summary: Sirius' dating habits are revealed. Remus angsts.

This one goes out to Lily and Tommy Gurrl. Thanks for your support and reviews. i (heart) you.

Don't you love it when you're not on enough anti-depressants because your shrink talks to your parents but not your therapist and therefore has no idea what you're feeling? Then again, i bet you have no idea.

i promise, more actual events in the next chapter. i was feeling all angsty and depressed and felt that writing would be a good idea. Thus Remus is all angsty over his relationship issues. i was going to write about the Map, but i kind of forgot chronology for a while laugh

Sorry for the Shakespeare. it was appropriate, for a change. i hate (read: loathe) Shakespeare.

audi

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**Fourteen**  
_In which some indulge and some do not._

Sirius flashed us a grin and proceeded to hug us each individually and I tried not to melt in his arms as the briefly held me.

'Merlin but it's good to see you lot!'

'Wish I could say the same, Sear,' James replied, 'but you know how I feel about lying.'

Sirius stuck his tongue out immaturely and settled down next to me, he snuggled up and closed his eyes. ''up last night doing homework, 'taking a nap.'

'You had all summer,' I told him, suppressing myself as I felt him lean against me, 'you have no reason to be complaining.'

'Bugger off, Moony, I need the beauty sleep for my admirers.'

'Beauty sleep?' Peter choked.

'Admirers?' James scoffed.

'I think,' I whispered, 'our Sirius is getting too high of an opinion of himself.'

'It must come from spending all summer with purebloods,' Peter replied insightfully.

'Yes, it must.'

'Hey! I resent that!' James protested.

'Point made,' Peter and I said in concert. No matter what, that was one thing we held over them; they were purebloods and we were not. Peter was a confused Muggle-born and I was a half-blood werewolf pup.

''Don't wanna be a Black,' Sirius mumbled sleepily using my shoulder as a pillow and grabbing fistfuls of my robes. 'Comfy.'

I looked helplessly at James and Peter and they looked back sympathetically. I felt Sirius' warmth radiating through our clothes and I couldn't help but put an arm around him (to steady him as the train started moving…). The wolf stirred, but I silenced him, telling him to be content with what he had. I just basked in the essence that was Sirius. I told myself firmly that that was as close as I would ever get to him.

The wolf kept lashing out at me, crying—_howling_—to get his wish. I denied him. I always do. Of course, I knew I would pay for it come the next moon, but I had gotten used to that. Merlin, he was going to be so difficult to manage. Well, all bets are off during the moon anyway. At least I had the Shrieking Shack.

We filed into our lives as if we were never gone. In essence, we weren't. It was home for us. We went to our own locations during the hols, but at Hogwarts we were the Marauders. We belonged there, and no one could take that away from us.

Fourth Years are just like Fifth Years without the OWLs. Kind of. Well, there was the Yule Ball that we could look forward to, in my case dread, and studying and more challenging classes and… well, prefects were named Fifth Year, so we didn't have that hanging over our heads either.

Of course, take thirty-odd fifteen year olds and you're just asking for trouble. I hate hormones. I've read Muggle books and I know how teenagers are supposed to act in their Secondary Schools and what have you, but imagine this: four-sevenths of Hogwarts students are between fourteen and eighteen, that's roughly one hundred twenty students. And they're all locked in the same castle, day in and day out. It's hard for the average teenager to survive with hormones and the lot.

Just remember: I'm a gay werewolf that was in love with my best friend.

Sirius, obviously, knew he was absolutely, bloody beautiful and he flaunted it like nothing else. He had everyone drooling. He started rather slowly, as he got the hang of it. He saw a different girl every couple of weeks, it was nothing really serious. He then began to add in the anxious boys. Sirius was never one to discriminate. They were pawing after him and I suspected that some of them had created a fan club for him (a fact that Lily Evans later confirmed for me). It was ridiculous. James was too stunned to comment on Sirius' behaviour, claiming that he should pick on and go after her (or him), Sirius' response was something along the lines of,_ 'at least I'm not fawning over one girl and am too afraid to tell her. My fans want me, and until I find_ the one_ I feel no shame in indulging myself.'_ James went tomato red at the mention of his crush (also referred to as a 'rather large obsession'). Peter took it in stride, but he tended to do so. I mean, he was busy observing all of us.

But I got something Sirius' fan club did not; his first kiss.

'Moony,' Peter closed his book after I had finished tutoring him, 'I don't suppose you know any hormone-suppressing potions?' he looked at me hopefully.

Sighing I replied, 'I wish I did.' I gathered my own books. 'James can complain all he wants about Sirius, but he's just as bad.'

'Worse,' Peter groaned. 'Lily,' he said in falsetto, 'oh! how she doth teach the candles to burn bright!'

'What happened to them, were they really this bad before the summer hols?'

'I don't think so,' he paused, 'well, you know I like Donna Kent, right,' I nodded, he had told me this the year before upon my promise that I would tell neither Sirius nor James, 'well, I'm not as bad as they are, am I?'

'They're in another league altogether,' I laughed.

'Good.' He, too, laughed. 'Remus,' his voice got quiet, 'who do you like?'

Okay, I should have known that was coming. But I didn't. Or at least, I didn't know the response to it. 'Being what I am,' _a werewolf_, 'makes it hard for me be with anyone, for a number of reasons.' He blinked. 'Most people are prejudiced… and there are laws and, besides, werewolves mate for life. So, even if I did like someone, it'd be selfish of me to tie them down, you know?' I smiled at the end of it, as I finished explaining, but, inside, my heart tore.

He patted my shoulder sympathetically, he never was sure how to act when we talked about my _condition_.

Peter, for whatever reason, had chosen to take the same classes as James, Sirius and myself, and some were higher level than he would usually understand. So we spent a fair amount of time tutoring him. Not like that was a big change from normal or anything. But it also meant that I was spending huge a huge amount of time with Sirius. That shouldn't have been different from normal, but it was. And all because of my stupid confession, which wasn't even to him.

I wrote Quin and Rian about it, and they replied to my sympathetically telling me that, if I wasn't going to tell Sirius, I just needed to try to act 'natural', lest Sirius figure out _something_ was different. They also sent me chocolate. Mm, chocolate.

Over the years, Sirius and I had grown closer as friends. I mean, James was still his best mate, but we were close. I know I've said this before, just hang on a second. He felt comfortable with me. If he was having a bad day, he would talk to me. If he got yelled at by his mum, he would come to me for a hug. He would randomly, casually touch me. In a very friendly matter. Well, when we went into Fourth Year, I tried to let him, as I was, as you know, eager for the contact, but I ended up shying away a little. Sirius, if he noticed, probably thought it was because of all of his other relationships or because I was ashamed of him. Or something. Who knows what went on through his mind. James noticed though:

'I have a question,' James plopped down unceremoniously next to me as I was reading up on the map-charm from the previous year.

'And I have an answer,' I assured him, 'though I can't promise you that it's the answer you need.'

He took a deep breath, pausing for a moment; 'what's going on with you and Sirius?'

'How do you mean?'

'I mean, what… blast it, Moony, do you like him?'

'Of course I like him,' I blinked.

'No I mean,' he sighed, 'do you _like_ him, Moony?'

'I…' I closed my book and let my head fall forward. 'Am I that obvious?'

'No, I'm just really perceptive,' he replied. 'Sirius, however, is a dimwit.'

'Well…'

'Don't defend him, Moony, he is,' he took my book from me and sat closer. 'I don't like seeing him dating around like this, it hurts me. Tell him that you like him and,' he shrugged, 'hey, if I liked guys, you'd be my ideal man.'

'Sirius said he would never hit on another Marauder,' I retorted, ignoring his other statement.

'He won't be breaking any promises if you go to him,' James countered.

'Look, I_ can'_t.'

'Why not?'

'You know what I am, James.'

'Sear may be stupid, but he accepts your lycanthropy and it's not like you can have children with him anyway.'

I whimpered, 'forget about it.'

'Moony?' I explained the mating-for-life thing to him and he blinked in confusion for a moment before it clicked. 'Blimey. Just, blimey.'

'I love him, James,' I confessed, 'but I can't do that. Not to him. Cor, he's fifteen.'

'Maybe I can—'

I cut him off with a sharp glare, 'just leave it be, James. Let me suffer. Don't. Tell. Sirius.' I enunciated, 'Not. Ever.'

He backed off, 'alright! Alright! Just, remember it's Sirius. And… Well, I'll always be around if you need me, right, Moony?'

'James, never!'

'Marauder's Promise,' he held his hand out to me, I took it and the subject was closed.

* * *

Please review: it boosts my confidence.


	16. Fifteen: in which there is plotting

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden. i cannot own Oscar Wilde as he is dead. tear

Pairings: sb(plus)rl, jp(plus)le, rl(plus)le

Summary: Remus bumps into some Slytherins plotting then gets himself messed up in some Gryffindor plotting of the female sort.

Sorry for the delay, i had two false starts, new medication and Illinois State Theatre Fest. However, here it is.

Again, i am thanking Abby for her editing. Although it is not reflected here, she is doing a wonderfully brilliant job of editing for me even though i know i must be a whining, complaining bitch.

By the way, enter random, obligatory Oscar Wilde quotes. They are usually intentional, although not always (like the Eddings one that Lily spotted). Remus is quite a fan, remember the book Quin gave him? He tends to cite himself but that doesn't mean he'll always be cited. Honestly, could you imagine Lucius citing himself?

Oh, yes, about the Death Eaters. This is my story and my chronology. i feel it happens like this and so it does. Deal with it.

audi

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**Fifteen**  
_In which there is plotting._

I can resist anything but temptation. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it and you soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself. Oscar Wilde.

It was the Christmas hols. The room was silent, save Sirius' breathing; the soft, gentile sound of Sirius' breathing. It was soothing and relaxing. Whenever I could, I sat and watched him sleep, but he had his curtains drawn about his bed to trap the heat in. Even in a magickal castle, it got cold in the Scottish winter. Not like that was surprising.

He wouldn't notice if I slipped the curtains open for a moment, just to see him. it wouldn't get cold_ that_ fast. He looked so peaceful when he slept. Almost like a Christian angel. His black eyelashes kissed his cheek and his chest moved softly with his breathing. All but his head was covered in the creamy duvet, his head and the tips of his fingers on one of his hands. His hair was sprawled out, messily covering part of his face and his pillow. James had urged him to get it cut, well until I glared at him, silently telling him that I rather liked it long. I wanted to run my hands through his hair. It looked so silky and soft. I wanted to make sure that it was. He resembled perfection itself. Of course he did. That's why so many of my classmates were ogling him. He obliged them, too. Quickly I shook that thought from my mind. Now he was mine. The others had him during the day. But I was the only one that saw him like that. Helpless. Helpless and so utterly beautiful. They saw Sirius as he wanted them to see him. I saw Sirius as he was. I knew him better. I didn't deserve him. No. How could I have deserved him? I did want him more, though. How could they have wanted someone they didn't know? Couldn't know?

_A kiss can ruin a human life._

Don't I know that! I focused again on his face, and again on his lips. They were slightly parted. I wanted him so much. The wolf did, too. Once more couldn't hurt. I pressed my lips to his, relishing the feel, the pure bliss. It was a wonder and the greatest thing on earth. And it was something that I could never have.

_À cause du loup._

I left then, not wanting to lose control to my other half. I slipped my robes on and then left Gryffindor Tower quietly. I shivered as the chill in the hall touched me. I wandered the hallways aimlessly.

So, naturally, I ran into a group of Slytherins. I identified Malfoy by his hair, his back was to me. He was standing up, talking to the others, who were sitting. Snape was among them, and Rosier. Crabbe and Goyle. The two Lestrange boys. Rockwook and Bole. Parkinson and Zabini. Bletchley and… Oh yes. The three Blacks; Regulus, Bellatrix and Narcissa. The audience noticed me, and Lucius felt the attention leave him, he turned to face me. I had run into, though I didn't know it at the time, one of the very first Death Eater meetings that went on in my Hogwarts years. I'm sure there was a lot of development done, but I know that it was a Death Eater meeting none-the-less.

'Well, well, looks like we got a lion caught in a snake-pit,' Lucius grinned. I feared the thoughts going on in his twisted brain. 'Now what would your parents say if they knew their sweet, little, Gryffindor, had crossed into the dungeon?'

'I haven't got any parents,' I replied, cautiously. Where was this going?

'To lose one parent, Lupin, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness,' he sneered. I just glared in response and backed off a step. 'Not much good without your little friends, eh? Or is it that you're just no match for a handful of Slytherins? And here I thought lions were supposed to be smart.' I rolled my eyes, not trusting myself to say anything. He turned to the other Slytherins, 'what shall we do to him, hm?'

'I can think of a few ideas,' that was Rosier.

'Pay back's hell,' and that was Snape.

I whimpered, despite myself and began running. I could hear their laughing, their taunting. Maybe I was a coward. But I knew that I was no match against that many. I ran to the top of the Astronomy Tower. It was even colder outside, if that was possible. There was snow littering the floor and ice forming everywhere. I curled up into a ball on the far side of the tower. I let the snow fall on me, and my tears froze. I didn't care.

I sat there for a few hours, until the sun had fully risen. I stood, and brushed myself off before making my way slowly down the Hall for breakfast. And some tea. Yes, something to warm me. At least temporarily.

The girls, Donna Kent, Kay Jemmying and Lilly Evans, were already there. None of them had gone home, I noticed. I sat quietly next to Jemmying and helped myself to some tea, and eggs-on-toast. They paused their conversation and turned their heads in my direction. I sneezed.

'You look a little out of it,' Evans noted. 'Feeling ill?'

'Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast,' I cupped my mug in my hands and absorbed the warmth. 'S'not the 'flu, I promise.'

They looked doubtfully at each other. 'We were just talking about the Yule Ball,' Jemmying explained. 'And Lily just want to go!'

'You say that like it's a bad thing!' Lily protested.

'You have to go!' Kent exclaimed. 'Think about it, Lily, our first Yule Ball!'

'You just want to go see Sirius dressed up,' Evans retorted.

'I think that's why most people are going,' I sighed. 'He really is getting rather full of his self. It's not good for my sanity to hear him go off like he does.'

'Oh, but, Lupin, it's Sirius Black! He's sex-on-legs!'

Oh and don't I know it.

'Boys!' Evans sighed.

'He's not long term relationship material,' Kent clarified, 'but wouldn't you give anything for a chance with him.'_ In a heartbeat._ 'I mean, for serious dating I would consider someone like Lupin here, but, Merlin, Sirius!' I blinked at her statement.

'They're all the same,' Evans enunciated. 'They're clouded by hormones and they want only one thing; sex.' She blushed. 'Current company excluded. Sorry, Lupin.'

'At least I know that I'm not clumped in with the rest of them.'

'That's a good thing, I promise.' I nodded in agreement.

'Now, about the Ball,' Kent grinned. 'You're going Lily.'

'No. No, I'm not,' she grit her teeth.

'If you're worried about a date, I'm sure Lupin won't mind taking you – as a friend, mind,' Jemmying added slyly.

'Hold it,' I protested.

'Well we can't have her go stag to her first Ball,' Kent said.

'Who said I was going?'

'Well, I did of course,' Jemmying reminded me.

Evans leaned across the table to whisper to me, 'just let them think what they want. They'll forget. 'Though, if I have to go, you're the best choice.'

'Thanks, I think.'

James was going to kill me.

He would be coming back for the Ball, as would Peter, in the next day or so. And Sirius was going. Alone, so that he could dance with whomever he wanted. I was going to try to ditch; unsurprisingly I was not at all interested in watching Sirius dance with others.

I returned to my room then, thankfully Sirius wasn't there, to write Quin and Rian a letter. They wouldn't be able to help me. However, they would listen and sympathise and send me chocolate. I could talk to James, theoretically. But there were two problems with him. First, he wasn't at Hogwarts at the time. Second, he might get annoyed and take it upon himself to tell Sirius. Which would be bad. I re-dipped my quill and debated telling them about the Slytherins' meeting. At the very least they could tell me away to hex the lot of them. I did so, with resignation. And sent it away before burrowing myself in my bed to hide from all my troubles.


	17. Sixteen: in which there are social norms

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden. i cannot own Oscar Wilde as he is dead. tear

Pairings: sb(plus)rl, jp(plus)le, rl(plus)le

Summary: Lily and Remus have some bonding time while the other Gryffindor Forth Years act like "normal" teenagers.

Okay, someone needs to tell me if Remus is getting too angsty.

As for Lily. I like her, and I hope you like my characterisation of her. Girls know all, so she figured it out. Meh.

audi

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**Sixteen**  
_In which there are social norms._

'_Moony_!' James whined. 'How could you do that?'

'Were you honestly going to ask her?'

'Yes… I… No… Well,' he stuttered, 'that's not the point!'

'Besides, it's not like I asked her,' I protested, 'the girls plotted against me!'

'Moony, you did this on purpose!' he fumed.

'James,' I whispered, 'you know with whom I wanted to go, and that I don't want to go at all.'

'But…'

'Lily doesn't want to go either.'

'_LILY_?' Okay, bad move. But she _had_ asked me to call her by her given name.

'But she doesn't…' I sighed. 'James, I want Sirius. But I can't have him.' I forced back tears, 'and Jemmying and Kent decided that Lily and I were going to go to the Ball together. I didn't want to contradict it too much lest they know about your crush.'

'Moony, that's not fair!' James reiterated. 'You're being selfish! Just because you won't tell Sirius doesn't mean you can take Lily!'

'Selfishness, James, is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live,' I quoted, 'that's Wilde by the way.' I shook my head and grabbed my scarf. 'You know why I can't tell him, James, and you know how much it hurts me.' I wrapped the knit garment around my neck before heading out of the hall and into the courtyard. I crunched in the snow as I crossed from one side of the school to another, back to my room.

At least James knew enough to not have that conversation in front of Sirius and Peter. James knew about my obsession. At least he intended to keep it secret. For the time being.

We were Forth Years, and there were three and a half years left of Hogwarts, seven terms. We were halfway through, yet only just begun. So much had happened since I walked in the doors of Hogwarts. My life had changed, for the better. I barely resembled the poor, lost boy I was at eleven, and I remembered him less. But then, no British wizard lives until he goes to Hogwarts. The first eleven years mean nothing, the next seven mean everything. I didn't know why I was chosen for Gryffindor, I wasn't, as Malfoy had pointed out, brave or courageous, but I was glad that I did. I mean, I felt I shoud have been in Ravnclaw, but the Hat didn't, and the Hat was never wrong. Of course, if I were a Ravenclaw, I wouldn't be a Marauder. And being a Marauder gave me a reason for living. Merlin, that makes no sense!

I was not at all surprised to see Sirius sitting down running a brush through his hair. He was dressed in emerald green robes that matched his eyes perfectly. I stopped at the doorway and just watched him for a moment, he didn't notice; he was too busy looking at himself (and talking to Peter). I felt a hand on my shoulder and spared its owner a glance. James. He smiled at me, a small smile filled with pity.

'Sorry, mate,' he leaned down to whisper in my ear, 'I didn't mean that, I was just upset. I know you don't like her. We'll make him come around, I promise.'

'James, you said you wouldn't tell,' I hiss, my gaze once again locked on Sirius.

'Marauder's Promise,' James agreed. 'But you two were made for each other. It will work out. I know it will.' He squeezed my shoulder before brushing past me. 'Still getting dressed, Sear?'

'Of course, Jim,' he glared, 'and I see you've not even begun.'

'And you should with that hair of yours,' Peter chimed.

I relaxed, 'there's not a charm invented that can tame the Potter Hair of Doom, it has a life of its own.

'And then some,' James smiled, 'besides, only girls and the peacock here need three hours to get ready.'

'Just because I want to look good for the dance…' Sirius started.

'Sirius, they want to see you with as little clothing as possible,' I told him sadly, hoping he didn't notice my tone, 'there may be a line of them waiting to dance with you at the Ball.' James spared me a glance. I ignored him and went to my trunk to dig up my own robes. Quin and Rian insisted that I get some, even though I wasn't planning, even then, to go to the Ball. They were fairly simple, inexpensive, and black. I pulled them on quickly, without really caring. I went over to the mirror and ran a brush through my hair. The tawny mass had grown a little longer than I usually wore it, but I liked it. I wouldn't let it get as long as Sirius' but I did like it. My amber eyes stared back at me, yet another reminder of my lycanthropy. My reflection whistled and it gave me some flirtatious remarks about my appearance. The other three boys looked up at me.

'Looking good, Moony,' Sirius chided, 'I may have a new rival.' He rested his hand on my shoulder and I looked at the reflection of this in the mirror before stepping aside. Damn him anyway.

The Hall was done up in frills and the like, all of the Forth Years entered cautiously, knowing we belonged there but feeling like we didn't. Lily and I danced, a little bit. Not enough to make anyone think we were a couple but enough to tell everyone else that we weren't interested in them. For the most part we stood off to the side and watched everyone else. We had fun poking fun at the frivolous outfits some of the other students were wearing.

Lily herself was in a simple white blouse with a delicate, dark green skirt that stopped just short of her knees. She told me that it was dressy-casual by Muggle standards. At Muggle balls, she told me, one dresses more ridiculously than some of the bizarre robes we saw that night, and she wasn't about to do that. I thought her outfit was cute, and I told her so. She wasn't the only one wearing Muggle clothing, but there weren't really that many. And she definitely got the attention of one James Potter.

'The look on the girls' faces when he chooses a boy is priceless,' Lily laughed.

'Almost as priceless as the one on the boys' faces when he chooses a girl,' I added. Sirius had been alternating through the night, never staying with one for more than a single dance, and never stopping for more than a minute to cool down. James had been spending most of the night with a Fifth Year by the name of Ellie Yilks, and Peter was dancing with Kent (good for him).

'And I thought Saint Valentine's was bad.'

'Just wait, Lily, Sirius didn't have as many followers last year. I really don't want to see him come Saint Valentine's Day,' I groaned.

'Jealous?' I cocked my head and gave her a confused look. 'Remus, are you jealous of him?'

'No.'

'But you're jealous of her,' she pointed at the girl Sirius that was currently dancing with him.

'No.'

'You like him.'

'I love him.'

'Then you are jealous.'

'No.'

She raised her eyebrows.

I sighed in defeat. I knew the redhead enough to know that she wasn't going to relent. 'I don't want _that_. I don't want just one dance, just one date. I want forever, Lily. I want to have him forever. I want Sirius to be mine alone. But he wants _that_,' I gestured to him dancing; 'he likes the attention, the coddling.' I shook my head. 'I love him, Lily, but I can't share him.'

'When he's done with this…' she began, 'if he realises your feelings?'

'I'll wait as long as it takes, Lily.'

She wrapped her arms around me in a comforting hug. We stood there for a moment, 'it'll work out, Remus. If only because you deserve it too.'

_No. I don't deserve it. À cause du loup._

The two of us left the dance a bit early, walking slowly back to Gryffindor Tower. We figured that we were forced to go to the Ball, so we took it upon ourselves to leave early.

'I take it that you won't send him a Saint Valentine's Day card?' I stopped then and looked down at my shoes. 'Okay, maybe not. Well, he _is_ a boy, I, er, well a _normal_ boy, maybe you should just tell him outright?'

'But I don't want him to know,' I reminded her. 'I can wait. And I'll wait until he's ready. If he's ever ready.'

She smiled, 'that's sweet. One day he'll notice. Hopefully when he's done being a hormonal ball of testosterone,' she shrugged, 'but I doubt that will ever happen.'

'Probably not, but that's part of his charm, only a small part, mind.'

We laughed as we let ourselves in. The common room was empty and we sat by the fire, continuing to talk, continuing to bond. Unlike with the Marauders, I could talk to her about more in-depth things. Sirius and James, especially of late, had been more and more out-of-whack. And Lily was good company. I don't actually remember treading up the stairs to my room, but I did. And the night was over and it was time to watch my roommates finish their hol-homework and time for a new term to start. It was time for life to continue.

* * *

please review


	18. Seventeen: in which uncertainty reigns

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden. i cannot own Oscar Wilde as he is dead. tear

Pairings: sb(plus)rl, rianxquin

Summary: Saint Valentine's Day, Lupercalia and then Fourth Year ends.

It's finals review week, which is why this is the third chapter out. Funny, that. i just found out that my dates are a few years off, that will be fixed when i do a final review, but that is not now. JKR said that Marauder's year one was 1971 and i said it was 1968. i was close… which is awesome. Ha! i told you that Sirius was early-to-mid thirties in PoA! He was, according to JKR, 34. Dances

The poem is the third stanza of "Endymion", by Oscar Wilde. Talking about the Romans made me remember the poem and it seemed fitting.

Sorry for the quotes. I blame history. On second thought, I'm not sorry for them.

Oh. I like archaic spellings. Like 'magick' and 'vampyre'.

audi

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**Seventeen**  
_In which uncertainty reigns._

I was always amazed at how easily Sirius and James did things. I mean, everyone considered me to be the smart, studious Gryffindor. And I was. I spent as much time as I could just _studying_. I loved supplementary texts and irrelevant texts and Muggle novels, basically whatever I could get my hands on. I absorbed everything like a sponge. But James and Sirius _never_ studied and _never_ paid attention in class. They copied notes and did their homework at the last minute. Yet they were still at the top of the class. It was rare that three Gryffindors were ahead of the Ravenclaws of their year. They either knew everything or were amazingly good at cheating.

'I'll be glad to get rid of Potions,' Peter whined.

'Me, too,' I smiled. 'But there's all of Fifth Year to go yet, as well as the OWLs.'

'You just have to keep reminding me,' he groaned.

'Lucky prats, I've got Potions until I die,' Sirius replied.

'Or until Seventh Year.'

'That's your own fault for wanting to be Aurors,' I reminded them.

'Gee, thanks, Moony.'

'Well, one more term until we're Fifth Years,' Sirius grinned. The comment seemed to come from nowhere and the three of us whipped our heads to him. 'Well, one of us will be a prefect.' He replied, as if it made sense. 'See, our marauding has been, well, lacking.'

'That's your fault, Sear.'

'How so?'

'Sear, you've been dating.'

'I was actually going to blame our friend Filtch.'

'The solution to whom I'm working on,' I piped. I told them about a map I had been working on, here and there. It was modified from the one that Sirius and I nicked the year before. 'It won't be ready for a while. But when it is… It'll tell us who's where when and why.' I shrugged. 'But I haven't quite gotten the Charm down… and I the map itself isn't quite complete.'

'How do you mean?'

'I don't know… it just kind of stops at places. I'll keep working at it, though.'

'Ah, the joy of extracurricular projects,' Sirius laughed. James and Peter joined in and I did, too, though weakly. They shared a glance, one that I missed the significance of and the moment was over.

Lily was right, I found. It was 14 February. Sirius was smiling wolfishly. Well, er, you know what I mean. We were in the Great Hall during our study period, mail came in. And there was a whole flock of owls flying around Sirius' head. He had a few boxes of candy open and was eating from them alternatively. He picked through the letters, notes and confessions and read aloud the poetry. He was on, as Muggles say, Cloud Nine. I sat, watching, taking the whole scene in. James and Peter, at one point, started going through his letters and helping themselves to some Every Flavour Beans.

'Moony?' Sirius poked my side, 'have some chocolate; I won't be able to eat it all.' He held to me an unopened, heart-shaped box of chocolates.

'Thanks, but no,' I shook my head, gathered my books and left the room. I felt his eyes on me as I left but I didn't think anything about it.

Ah, young love

It makes me puke.

Well, it made the wolf puke at any rate. I think it has to do with what Quin told me, about werewolves' mating behaviours. Wolves mate for life. There is no screwing around. There is courting and there is mating. Sirius wasn't courting. He was no alpha fending off all the potential mates; he was a silly pup playing with the other pups' emotions. He was a silly pup that had been _all but claimed_ by me. He swelled up and he growled. Why did people hate werewolves when the wolf inside made everything so much more simple? Wolves were protective of their family, their pack and their mate. They were social. Wolves all knew their place. Werewolves just didn't eat humans. Something that smells that bad can't be tasty! Eck! Probably all stringy and tasteless. I had no family. And, while I loved my pack, Quin and Rian, they couldn't help me from England. And my chosen mate was playing stupid, meaningless human games.

If there was one day that I hated more than Saint Valentine's Day it was the following day, Lupercalia, 15 February. Lupercalia. The celebration of Romulus and Remus by the Romans. It was not associated with any specific god. The Romans believed, due to the story of the founders, Romulus and Remus, that Lupercalia was the day that wolves choose their mates. And they were just about spot on. Natural wolves may choose their mates on Lupercalia, and I know (though I wasn't sure then) that werewolves don't have to mate on that day, either. Nonetheless, I always feel fuzzy and well, randy, on that day. Of course, I have the extreme misfortune to see that day fall, more often than not, on a school day. One that I spent very close to Sirius. I couldn't spend the day in the infirmary, either. Although I should have been counting my blessings for that. Lupercalia was, that year, in the middle of the moon-cycle which meant that the wolf's hold over me was not particularly strong and I would probably be able to fight him. Blast it all anyway!

I was sitting on the bench by the window, my Wilde collection sitting open on my lap.

_The falling dew is cold and chill,  
And no bird sings in Arcady,  
The little fauns have left the hill,  
Even the tired daffodil  
Has closed its gilded doors, and still  
My lover comes not back to me.  
False moon! False moon! O waning moon!  
Where is my own true lover gone,  
Where are the lips vermilion,  
The shepherd's crook, the purple shoon?  
Why spread that silver pavilion,  
Why wear that veil of drifting mist?  
Ah! thou hast young Endymion  
Thou hast the lips that should be kissed! _

'Damn you anyway.' I closed the book and leaned by head against the window pane.

'Damn who?' my book was lifted up and put aside, Sirius sat down on the bench by me, leaning against my folded legs. 'Moony,' he said, softly, and I raised my head to meet his eyes. 'Are you mad at me?' I shook my head. 'Are you sure? It's just, you left and…'

'It's just what I am.'

'A genius?' I shook my head. 'A werewolf?' he sighed, 'how does being a werewolf have anything to do with it?'

'Just never mind, Siri, I'm not mad at you.'

'Moony…' he whined.

'You can't make it better.'

'I can try?'

I shook my head, 'you don't want to,' I half-whispered.

'Still friends?' he rested his head against my knees.

'Yeah, still friends.' _Always. If only it could be more._

We sat there, for a while, not saying much of anything. We didn't really need to. Words weren't always needed between close friends. James and Sirius talked all that they could, but Sirius and I never needed that. After a time I heard his breathing slow, deepen. He fell asleep. I snaked up a hand to rest it in his hair. It was as soft as I thought. I felt my tears escape, cascading down my cheek in streams.

I went through the rest of the year in a daze. And I'm not just saying that to skip time. This is a memoir and man's memory works in the strangest ways. I love Sirius. I hate Sirius. I want to see him and forgive him. I want him to be locked away forever. He is evil. He is wonderful. I miss him.

I found myself becoming quite the Quidditch fan. James was an amazing Seeker, and Sirius was one of the best Chasers in Gryffindor history. We won the Cup that year. We also won the House Cup, the professors just couldn't seem to catch us, but they managed to catch the Slytherins. And the poor Hufflepuffs! They were part of a disaster involving the Greenhouse and Wonder Grow. It cost them a tonne of points.

Peter's parents were taking him to Paris for a few weeks over the hols, and I asked him, timidly, if he wouldn't mind picking me up some French philosophy. (Quin had recommended reading some French books to keep my French fresh.) James was to spend some time with his father, learning about the Ministry – even though Harold Potter knew that James wanted to be an Auror, he felt that James ought to learn how the Ministry worked. That made perfect sense to me. That left Sirius at home with his dreadful family. I made a mental note to ask Quin and Rian if he could come visit for a week-or-so. I knew that was just asking for trouble, but I couldn't just leave him with the Blacks for that long time. I heard Peter whisper something about spending time at James', but it wasn't directed to me. Were the three of them meeting without me? Forlorn, I pushed the though aside.

And so came the train, the infamous Hogwarts Express. We were quiet on the trip. None of us ever thought about it as 'going home'. After his culture shock, Peter admitted that he liked the wizarding world well enough, and he didn't get along well with any of the other kids in his neighbourhood anyway (that and his parents were absorbed in their work, I think they were solicitors). Sirius preferred Hogwarts for obvious reasons. James and I were the only ones with real homes to return to. But James had to amuse himself, as his father was big in the Ministry. And so the train was a melancholy trip for us.

Quin was there when we got off the train, and we went home. Rian made dinner. It was then that I broached the subject of Sirius coming over to visit.

Rian shared a cautious glance with Quin, 'I don't think that would be a problem… at least not for us.'

'But what will you do?'

'Keep him away from the Blacks?'

'No,' Quin clarified, 'I meant, how are you going to take it? Or, more specifically, the wolf?'

I shrugged. 'That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.'

'Nietzsche?' Quin raised an eyebrow. 'But, to quote Voltaire, "a witty saying proves nothing".'

'Maybe you should lay off the philosophy for a while?'

'I've actually been reading up on some histories, Rian.'

'Funny, Remus, real funny.'

'If you can persuade the Blacks to let him come over, he can stay for a week or two. Not during the moon, though. I don't care how he acts during school; I don't want to deal with the wolf and his chosen.'

I nodded happily and wrote Sirius a letter after dinner. The letter I sent via James, since James' owl didn't get stopped, the Blacks really had no desire to start a feud with the Potters.

Moony,

Blimey! Did you have to write that letter like it'd be sheer torture for me to come and visit you? Of course I will! I mean… I have to win over mum and dad, but that shouldn't be too hard. They're convinced your guardian is a blood-sucking vampyre. I said the name 'Quinton Holloway' and they wilted on the spot. Of course, they hope that he'll drain me out, me being the horrible influence to the Black name and all. How do the first two weeks of August sound? That should be right after the moon. I… thank you, Moony, you really are the best mate a bloke could ask for, you know that, right? Well, not that I've been the best friend of late. I blame puberty.

In your debt always,  
Sirius

I relayed the contents of the letter to my guardians with mixed feelings.

'A "blood-sucking vampyre" am I?' Quin grinned, 'I think that's a step up from what they used to call me. Of course, my reputation precedes me,' he added in a semblance of woe, 'they still haven't forgiven me for disgracing the French, pure-blooded Lupins. How dare I?'

I smiled, overflowing with happiness. Quin, Rian and I made arrangements from the over-stuffed chair. I had grown a little since the previous summer, but not enough to make it uncomfortable for us. It was cosy. Cosy and reassuring.

'Maybe inviting him wasn't such a good idea,' I considered when we were almost finished.

Rian shook his head, 'it will be as good for you as it will be for him, lad. And you never know what may come of it all.'

'Besides, the only thing that's certain in life, Remus, is uncertainty,' Quin paused, 'and even that's not always certain.'

Unable to think of anything to say, I just cuddled into their collective arms and fell asleep, pretending that the inviting warmth was Sirius'.


	19. Eighteen: in which boys cuddle

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden. i own neither Wilde nor Placebo

Pairings: sb(plus)rl, rianxquin

Summary: Sirius' visit to Moony. Cuteness follows.

Okay, don't berate me. i know right well that Placebo was not around at the time of the story and there's no way that Remus would have heard of them anyway. i couldn't resist adding them. Because, mmm, sweet, delicious Brian Molko.

i like piercing. Period. (Okay, i know that i'm breaking some rules in this, i do know about piercing laws – both in Illinois and the UK – i have twelve of my own. it seemed really fitting. i think Abby agrees with me here, no matter how much she laughed when i asked her.)

Character torture? Me? Never.

audi

-----------

**Eighteen**  
_In which boys cuddle._

'So many ashes!'

'Well, it _is_ a fireplace, Sirius.'

'It ruins the look, that's all.'

'There's no one here to admire you, Sirius. No one here save me and my guardians.'

'Are they not part of the welcome brigade?'

I shook my head, 'they went out to the garden, muttering something about Weed B Gone.' I looked at him, he was still standing by the fireplace, his bag and trunk laying at his feet. 'Let's get your things upstairs.'

'Just leave my trunk, if that's okay… it's safer here than…' I nodded and guided him to the stairs.

'There're only two bedrooms, I hope you don't mind sharing…' I trailed off.

'Yeah, Moony, it's been four years and I still can't stand sleeping in the same room as you! You make so much noise when you sleep, you make Jim and Pete sound like mice.'

'I sense a note of sarcasm.'

'Sarcasm? Me? Never!' he grinned, ''sides, I'm serious – er, you know what I mean – about the sharing thing, it'll be just like school. Only without the obnoxious snoring.'

I rolled my eyes, 'how have I ever lasted a summer without your snide comments?'

'I have no idea.'

After he stowed his things in my room, I showed him Quin and Rian's room as well as the upstairs loo, and then I led him downstairs, pointing out places as we went. There was no sign of my guardians, and it had started raining outside. _Always stays the same, nothing ever changes, English summer rain, seems to last for ages._ I went through to the back door and halted. My cheeks turned red as I saw the two of them snogging, a cauldron of Weed B Gone lay at their feet – long forgotten.

'Your guardians, I presume?'

'That's them.'

'It's raining.'

'I honestly doubt they care.' I sighed. As much as I was happy they had each other…

Sirius laughed. 'They seem happy together, though,' he shrugged. Sparing them a last glance, he turned to me, 'how about we get some tea and have you any biscuits?'

'Of course,' I went to the pantry. 'Chocolate chip.'

'Obviously.'

'And some shortbread… Walkers, delicious Muggle ones.'

'Muggle-lover,' Sirius teased as he poked me in the side with his elbow. 'Well, let's try them, then.'

I readied the tea and grabbed the biscuits and we made our way back to the den. We sat on the couch, each cupping a mug in our hands. Granted it was summer, but tea still wins over in a British heart (and I contend that I am British, despite my French heritage). Sirius tried the shortbread and, to my amusement, thoroughly enjoyed them. Serves him right for mocking the Muggles.

It was about twenty minutes later that Quin and Rian made their way in, sopping wet. Rian laughed and did a quick drying charm and Quin refilled the tea. Show-offs. They cuddled in the over-stuffed chair together, both grinning largely.

'Lovely weather, eh?' Sirius smirked.

'Oh, indeed,' Rian nodded. 'Nothing like a good, English rain.' Quin's face started to turn a delightful colour of red and he buried his head in Rian's shoulder. 'Quin, love, they're both old enough to know what we do when we're alone.'

'Have you no shame?'

'No, none at all,' he ran his fingers though Quin's short, brown hair.

'Is this the part where you drain my blood?' Sirius changed the subject, much to my delight and Quin's.

'No, I'll save that for later, blood makes a nice topping on vanilla ice cream,' Quin paused, 'it's the only way I can get Remus to eat vanilla.'

'Human blood doesn't taste the same on chocolate,' I agreed, making a face. 'Eck! Human blood.'

'You sound disgusted,' Rian commented.

'Humans,' I winced, 'why would I want to eat them?'

'Just because some people misconceive werewolves…' Sirius started, his hand squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. 'People are stupid. You're not like what they think you are, Moony. And they're too bloody childish to get close enough to you to really judge you. It's their loss.' I smiled at him, his words touched my heart.

'And vampyres and centaurs and ogres and giants and – '

'You do what you can,' I assured him.

'It's not enough,' he protested.

'Yes it is. Think of where I was.'

'You've done wonders for Moony,' Sirius agreed, helping himself to more shortbread. 'He's healed to the point of violence. He's quite strong, being a werewolf, and his punches _smart_!'

'And I've the notion you deserved every single one,' Rian commented.

'That's not the point. We all knew I was made out to be a social deviant. But, Remus. No, Remus _looks_ like he's harmless. 'Course, soon as he realises he's something special, we might have to start fighting over all the girls at school. 'Cause he's the only real competition I'll have.'

My breath hitched in my chest and I tried to hide my emotions. I felt Rian and Quin look at me as I tried to form a response. 'I think,' I started, 'having one Gryffindor like you is bad enough. If we make it two… James may have a heart attack.'

'Modest much?'

'I, uh,' I blushed, not for the reason he thought, I assumed.

We had dinner and I passed up my evening cuppa to spend time with Sirius, the two of us went outside in the mist to look at the stars. All-too-soon, it started to rain again and we returned inside and to my bedroom. There we sat on my bed, and just talked. Talked about our Fifth Year. About who would be the Gryffindor prefects, what pranks we would play, the OWLS, the future. About James and about Peter. About him and about me.

'I meant what I said earlier, Moony, you have changed. More so than the rest of us. I mean, you bare no resemblance to the boy I found the first day of First Year.' I didn't know how to reply, so I didn't. 'I'm glad. You've shown us all what a great person you are. You should find a nice girlfriend, I could make some suggestions, go for something long-term. You deserve that.'

'I'm happy with what I have, thank you,' I shook my head, 'besides, I'd have to tell whoever about you _know_ and I don't want to.'

'Not even for the perfect girl.'

'I doubt she exists.'

He grinned and punched me, playfully, on the shoulder, 'the perfect boy then?'

I met his eyes, the beautiful crystal pools, 'if he exists, then I doubt he'd want me, Sirius.'

'He'd be a fool not to.'

The topic changed then, thankfully, and we turned in, the two of us fitting with room to spare in my spacious bed. I lay on my side, facing away from him and towards the window, thinking about our conversation. Damn Sirius anyway. It was hours before I finally fell asleep to the comforting sound of Sirius' breathing. It was a miracle that I managed to not turn to look at him in his sleep. My dreams were of him, though. They always were. They always are. Damn Sirius anyway.

I woke slowly, feeling warmer than I knew I ought. Sirius was pressed against my back, one arm thrown haphazardly across my waist. The coverlets were strewn, twisted about our ankles. He wasn't pressed tightly to me, and yet it was a perfect fit. I cringed. It was going to be the longest fortnight of my life.

Sirius' hold presented me with a dilemma. Did I wait for him to wake? Did I call to him to see if he was awake? Did I jab him awake? And then I had to find out why he was spooning me. Not like I minded.

'Moony?' the arm pulled away as Sirius sat up. ''Sorry about that. 'Guess you're too cuddly to resist.'

'S'okay,' I breathed. _More than okay._

'I could get used to that. Waking up next to someone,' he amended.

'Yeah,' I choked.

We actually did our homework for a time. I mean, Sirius hadn't been really able to, and he sat, going through it – I wanted to make sure that he actually did it and all. When he was tucked away, doing a reading, I pulled out a quill and some parchment and began to scribble a quick letter;

_Lily, _

I've done something completely and utterly foolish. I asked Sirius to come spend a fortnight with me over the hols. Two weeks with Sirius. Only my guardians are here to oversee, and they work most of the day anyway. And… I think he might be, well, a little in need, you know? I woke up this morning, and he was spooned against my back – and I know that he wasn't when I went to sleep. He may be a prat, Lily, but I just wanted to lay there. It felt right. He said that I'll find the right girl—or right boy, as it were—and that I deserve that. But how do I say that I only want him? And what happens if he tries to pair me up with, well, random girls (or boys) come next term? I know you're probably laughing at my sheer stupidity, my absolute infatuation with an hormonal prankster. I would change it if I could, but I can't.

You can't tell him. I think I can trust you with that, right? I just needed someone to whom to fume. Thanks Lily.

Remus

I ran to owl it, and Sirius raised his head. 'Writing a letter to Jim?' he paused, 'remind him that I want to go to his place after I leave here.' I raised an eyebrow. 'He invited me,' he shrugged, 'right about the same time you did. I get to spend two weeks with you and one with him – avoid the Blacks as much as possible.'

Unsure what to say, I took out another piece of parchment and wrote another letter, hoping that Sirius wouldn't decide to over read it;

_James, _

Sirius is here, but you knew that, right? He wanted me to remind you that he's going to go visit you; I don't think he's left you with much of a choice. He's off doing his homework, and you should do the same. Let's start fresh as Fifth Years, right?

James, Sirius is driving me crazy. Driving the wolf crazy. Maybe you can whack some sense into him, or something? Don't tell him, you can't, knock him one. I heard some people referring to him as "The Gryffinwhore". It was just echoes that I heard, but if it continues as it did… then it will be that bad. James. We can't let him deteriorate to that. For his own good. Honestly, what good would it do him to be belittled like that?

I'll see you in a few weeks, given I survive these two.

Remus

I sent the letter before he had a chance to read it, though he didn't seem too eager to read it anyway.

'So,' Sirius shoved his scrolls in his trunk, 'let's talk about that map of yours.'

'It's almost ready,' I shrugged, 'I mean, the Charm's strong and in place and it seems to work well enough but there's missing parts.'

'What?'

'Missing parts. Like, some things that just aren't on Filch's map. I've been looking for them…'

'But no luck,' Sirius finished. 'Well, I guess that means we have to do some exploring come school?' his eyes widened like a child just given some sweets.

'Of course, we've still got the problem of Filch, the reason I started working on the map. One Cloak and four teenaged boys.'

'I think we'll be able to figure out something when we put our heads together,' he grinned maliciously. He had a plan or an idea. He knew something. Something that he wasn't going to tell me.

Quin and Rian took us to London, Muggle London, a few times. We went to the cinema and to some pubs by the Thames. This was there summer, too, such as it was in England. Sirius flirted with everything when given the chance and my guardians looked at my sympathetically when he did.

It was while we were in London that Sirius and I went shopping. We parted with Quin and Rian, they had to work, and made our way down Oxford Street. 'I need something to wear to Hogsmede and to the Yule Ball. I want to look smashing,' he explained as we went into a clothing store. There was music blasting as we went in and Sirius started ogling clothing. He began picking trousers and tops from racks and I followed him obediently to a changing room. He modelled for me each outfit, and I tried not to drool. All of the clothing fit his body perfectly, leaving little to my overactive imagination. (Thankfully my own trousers were loose.) The snug pants moulded to him and the tops… Good gods!

'Like them?' he said, after about four sets. I nodded. 'I think I'll get the lot. 'Need some shoes, though. We can go somewhere else for that.' He left his selection at the cashier counter before he tugged on my wrist. And started looking again at the clothing. Then he looked at me. Cautiously he picked out a few trousers and a few tops. Then he thrust them at me and shoved me in the dressing room. 'Try them, Moony.'

'I…'

'I'm buying – I took some galleons from dad's purse and Quin helped me change it. I don't know exactly how the conversions work, but if the numbers add up I have much more than enough to pay.'

'I don't know if I can get into these.'

'They're supposed to be tight, Remus. They'll look good, promise.'

I grumbled before pulling on a pair on some black leather-looking trousers, they were a bit looser than they had looked, well not as tight as Sirius' had been… And the top was a poet's shirt of an emerald green. It pulled the amber of my eyes and the gold of my hair in. I cautiously stepped out, Sirius whistled.

'Told you, Moony.'

I tried on a few more outfits, Sirius liked them, the other trousers weren't as tight and the other shirts were tighter. I liked the first best. Sirius did, too. Merlin!

Sirius paid and we left. Next door we picked up a pair of black, leather boots. We walked about, Sirius had no qualms about spending his _esteemed father_'s money. For obvious reasons.

'I've an idea.' He grinned and grabbed my wrist and pulled me down a side street. We ducked into an inconspicuous shop, I didn't register the name. Inside looked a bit like a Muggle torture chamber. Picture catalogues hanging on the wall, displays of what I assumed was jewellery. 'We're here for some piercings,' he announced. A man stood. He smiled, cheerfully and I wilted. 'I want my ears done; lobes. Moony?' he turned to me.

'Um, no,' gulp, 'thank you.'

'Moony!' he glanced at the piercer, telling him to wait for a moment, 'it won't hurt, much, we can get Quin to Heal it later, if you like.'

'Sirius!'

'Think of it as degrading to the Black Empire.'

'No.'

'Yes.'

'You _can't_ make me!'

He grinned.

He grinned and he went to the piercer and whispered something in his ear. The man nodded and beckoned us to a side room. He sat Sirius down, stuck a large needle in Sirius' right ear, and then pulled a silver loop through. Surgical steel, he assured us. Can't be allergic to it. He said. He did the same with the left. To my delight, Sirius did flinch a bit, but he looked in the mirror on the wall. 'Brilliant!'

'Now, you, take your shirt off.'

'My _what_?'

'Your shirt, take it off.'

'Just do it, Moony.'

Reluctantly I obeyed and he pushed me on to the bench Sirius was sitting on, though I laid down. I couldn't stop him as the needle went through my skin and left a small, double jewelled, green barbell sitting in my navel.

'Sirius!'

'Let's have a look!' I stood, looking in the mirror, completely unsure what to make of it. 'Nice,' he nodded. 'Very nice. I like green, it looks good on you.'

Sirius paid and we left.

That was the highlight of his visit. Many mornings I woke with Sirius' arms (and ofttimes legs) around me. Sometimes he used me as a human pillow, I'd be on my back and he'd lie across my chest. A few days after we went piercing, he cautiously pulled at my barbell, assuring me that it was _'smashing'_.

The fortnight past. Sirius left to go to the Potters' country house. He was all smiles and promises that we'd see each other soon enough. If he and James didn't kill each other. But when he left, he got me thinking. 'Moony,' he smiled, as he stepped into the fireplace, 'James, Peter and I have a birthday present for you. It's something big. We haven't forgotten, but it has to wait until we're back at school.' He winked. 'You'll love it.' And then he was gone.


	20. Nineteen: in which changes occur

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sb(plus)rl, rianxquin

Summary: welcome to Fifth Year. Prepare yourself for the turbulence that will follow.

This chapter goes out to anyone who would ever think of joining an anti-David Thewlis anti-Gary Oldman Club. What kind of drugs _were_ the casters on? How do they look anything like Sirius and Remus? Honestly!

A note on Perri: i was in a Harry Potter in America RP (Morguman) this summer for a time and Perri was my character. Her mother Chelsea Kent was actually a Ravenclaw, but i love Perri so i put her and not Chelsea into here.

Sorry for the delay in the release of this chapter. My computer caught a virus and then… i've been less than mentally well. 

**-**

**Chapter Nineteen**

_In which changes occur._

_While the common belief is that werewolves hunt just as their true-wolf cousins do, this is misleading. Werewolves, during the full moon, should not be around humans as they will give the fatal bite, turning him into a werewolf like himself. However, werewolves show no desire to hunt other animals. Gorial Chion performed a study in which he left werewolf volunteers with undisclosed names in a closed area with small animals that would usually be prey to a wolf. All of the animals came out unharmed, if not terrified. _

'What?' I looked in the article in my hand. It was a clipping from _Magick Today_. It was yellowed and crumbled. It was my birthday present from Sirius, James and Peter.

'We found this Second Year,' Sirius explained, 'after we found out, we did a lot of research.'

'We wanted to know more,' James added.

'We wanted to help you,' Peter added.

'I don't understand…'

We had arrived at Hogwarts that night, and we were sitting around our room. We were huddled on Sirius' bed, the curtains were closed and we had James' wand as a light. The fortnight before school had passed and with it my transformation. I received my letter, and this one, much like my letter from First Year, was something special. Much to my surprise (but not that of the other Marauders) I was named Gryffindor Prefect along with Lily. So I rode on the train with her and not with the others. I went to a meeting with the other prefects after dinner.

'We can't _cure_ you, Moony, but we _can_ help make it better for you. We decided that we wanted to be with you during the moons,' Sirius continued, 'but we couldn't do it as we are. It was McGonagall that gave us the idea.'

'McGonagall?'

'She's an Animagus,' Peter supplied.

I blinked.

'It was the link that we needed,' James concluded. 'We decided that if _we_ were Animagi — '

'Animagi?'

'You're sounding awful like a parrot,' Sirius commented.

'You… for… _Animagi_?' I choked.

'We've been working at it since Second Year, and we finished it up, perfected it last night. That's why we went to James'. Sorry we've not told you, but we didn't want to disappoint you if we failed.'

'I… how? It's… For me? I… _what_?'

Sirius nodded proudly. 'Jimmy is a stag; a regular old white hart. And Pete is a proud member of the rodent family of _Rattus_.'

'He means I'm a brown rat,' Peter winced.

'_Rattus_ sounds more sophisticated.'

'And you are?'

'A black dog,' James supplied studying my reaction. Which was a gape, by the way.

'We can overwhelm Jim and Pete with our canine superiority,' he grinned toothily. He switched then, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. There was a big, black dog in his place. And said dog pounced on me and licked my cheek and wagged his tail. Peter went next, and he crawled around and twitched his nose.

'I'd change, but I'd be too big to try it here.'

'Merlin! James!' my arms came up around Sirius' other form and I hugged his neck. And tussled his thick fur. A few minutes later, he changed back, and Peter changed back as well.

'This solves another problem as well,' Sirius pointed out, 'with three of us in animal form, you can use James' Cloak and we can explore for your map. Quickly, too. And finish it for usage.'

'So you can abuse my prefecthood?'

'Something like that, yes.'

I shook my head, 'I… I just don't get it'

'What's to get, Moony?' Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'We're best mates, the four of us, naturally we want to help each other out, right?'

Prefects had to go to prefect meetings, to state the obvious. Neither Lily nor I knew the others that well, save Rosier who was the Slytherin boy prefect (not that they really had anyone worthwhile from which to choose. We tended to sit by the Ravenclaw prefects of our year. Conner Benthat and Perri Baxley. We knew them from class and from sightings in the halls, but we actually got a chance to talk and both Lily and I enjoyed it.

As promised I used the Cloak to explore the grounds with the others in their animal forms. I had picked up a few clues as to alter locations and tunnels from other prefects and we were all itching to find them out. As it happened, there were three paths to Hogsmede that we could take, including the much-used one to the Shack, and several hiding places throughout the school. There was one room that we all found quite interesting. I swear I had been there before, when I needed to vent, but it was perfectly suited to our needs at the time, that was, it contained some more locations for our map within a map of its own. Unfortunately, it was not placed on the map. I've been there several more times, and I may mention that later, and I am of the belief that most students visit it at some time or another.

'Here goes nothing,' I raised my wand and prepared to start the incantation.

'Waitaminute!' Sirius grabbed my hand. 'How's this going to work?'

'Our names and the names of anyone we need to find will be on there – especially Filch, Mrs. Norris and Dumbledore.'

'Our names?' Sirius repeated.

'Yes.'

'What if the map falls into, you know, _unwanted_ hands? Could we, say, put nicknames on there?'

'Nicknames?'

'Like "Moony".'

'I'm the only one with a nickname, really. Or, one that's not entirely obvious.'

'We can make some – based off of our animals,' Sirius replied, as if it were the most clear answer in the world.

'Right,' James nodded, 'Sirius can be "Dog Breath" and I'll be "Hooves" and Peter can be "Hand Held".'

'Funny, Jim.'

'What about… "Prongs"?' Peter suggested, 'because of his antlers.'

James nodded in agreement, 'then Sirius is "Padfoot".'

'Alright…' I looked at Peter.

'What's so definable about a rat?'

'A rodent of the _familia Rattus_,' Sirius corrected.

Peter groaned.

'His tail!' James grinned triumphantly. 'It's like a worm.'

'It's disturbing.'

'"Wormtail"!'

'Okay then,' I surmised, '"Prongs", "Padfoot", and "Wormtail".'

'And "Moony",' Sirius added. "You're one of us, too.'

'Yes, and "Moony".' I carried through with the incantation, and I saw the four of us circled in our room. 'When we've finished, "mischief managed" hides the map. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good" shows the map.'

Sirius wore his outfits, but then I knew he would. He saved them for Hogsmede, usually, to impress his dates. He had little tubes in his ears, he said they were 'zero gauge double flare tunnels'. They were very _cool_. His 'dating' was getting out of hand. He was gone until insane hours during the night. I would stay awake until he came in, so I took to closing my bed-curtains so Sirius wouldn't know that I was awake. But I was. He would slip in, and fumble in the dark before he curled in his bed. He always reeked of his current girl- or boyfriend. My jealously piqued.

To escape my jealously, I spent a lot of time in the prefects' bathroom. It wasn't often in use and I was able to soak in the bath alone, without the restraints of the outside world. The ghosts that frequented the bathroom left me alone, deciding after a while that I wasn't fun to talk to. They thought I was crazy—Loony Lupin. I suppose that makes sense – I spent much of the time talking aloud to myself or not talking to anyone at all. I filled the bath with a mixture of soaps that I perfected and just let the heat consume me.

James and Sirius had mutually decided to become Aurors and to make our lives living hells. Well, as to the latter, I doubt they knew what they were doing. Peter was fascinated enough, but it drove me crazy. James' horrible messy excuse for hair was "styled" impishly to resemble what Lily called 'broomstick hair'. Sirius' hair fell to his shoulders and was cut unevenly, though intentionally so. He bushed it continuously. He was the Peacock of us all, including the girls, he rose when I did and followed me to the prefects' bathroom (without asking, I might add) and, when I went to eat breakfast with the girls and finish some studying, Sirius went to do himself up. It took him some time and he came to class right before the bell.

'Prongsy,' Sirius cooed, 'give me your Defence notes.'

'Moony has them,' he waved Sirius off towards my desk. It had been full moon the night before and I missed class – I usually just copied James' notes on those days. Those were, of course, the only day James took notes thoroughly. Go figure.

'Moooony,' he leaned over, 'are you almost done with those?'

'Not quite,' I replied, 'but if you were paying attention in class, you wouldn't need them.'

'Too busy.'

'With what?' I blinked.

'My nails,' he deadpanned.

'After all, the Gryffinwhore _must_ keep up his appearances,' James droned and Sirius scowled.

'Don't call him that,' I defended. Sirius said nothing. He had gotten used to the nickname, albeit unwillingly. 'Here,' I gave him James' notes, silently and he took them.

Okay, so they wanted to be Aurors, I wanted to be a teacher (honestly, what else was I qualified to do? Dumbledore had offered me a place in Hogwarts, and I was sure that he would allow me to teach if I asked). Peter, well. Peter just wanted to pass.

I started studying very early in the year. I had read all my books from cover to cover before school had even begun and I went through them again and again, and then I read my own notes and supplementary texts. I was convinced that I was going to do horribly on it. Sirius, Remus, James, Lily… Baxley and Benthat all assured me that I would do fine. Better than fine.

The moons. Wow. Sirius was, without a doubt, the best companion of the three. He was the most fit to frolic with Moony – by this time we often used our nicknames to refer to our other selves. I felt better after the moon. I didn't have as many cuts and scrapes. Moony liked the arrangement. According to James, Padfoot played suspiciously well with Moony – I have only a vague remembrance of the wolf's activities. James said that it was like Padfoot had embraced what Sirius would not (that Sirius and I were meant for each other). I told him to stop being such a dolt.

'Going to the Ball again, Remus,' Lily asked me casually one morning at breakfast. Jemmying and Kent weren't there, as it was a Saturday and they were asleep.

'I don't think I've much of a choice,' I replied. 'Sirius bought me an outfit that he told me I'm to wear during the event.'

'Oh? And what is he wearing?'

My eyes went starred. 'Just about the sexiest outfit ever.' I explained it and she nodded her approval. 'It's… _amazing_, Lily. And… and I have to watch him in it all night.'

'You could go _with_ him,' she suggested.

'Yeah, right.'

She shrugged. 'It was just a suggestion, take it or leave it. Besides, if you go with Sirius, who will be my date?' I blinked. 'I'm being forced to go this year. If I'm to go, I'll like to go with the best bloke there.' She paused, 'what are you wearing? If Sirius picked it, I don't want my date to be prettier than me.' I told her and she whistled. 'Very nice.'

'Mm, Sirius said he thought so, too. Of course, he bought it with his father's money.'

'Maybe he does have a crush on you.'

'I doubt it.'

'It's possible.'

'Yet unlikely.'

I shook my head. 'I'm off to study, want to join me?'

'Like you actually need to study,' she laughed but followed me to the library anyway. We met Baxley there – she insisted at that point that I call her by name – and I enjoyed thoroughly the study session that turned into a theoretical discussion about the reliability of divinations. Ah, intelligent conversation!


	21. Twenty: in which hearts are broken

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sb(plus)rl, rianxquin

Summary: Poor Remus, poor, poor, Remus

Now, _this_ is character torture.

Yes, some of this chapter is from JKR's work. 

**Chapter Twenty**

_In which hearts are broken._

We were in the tunnel under Honeydukes, the four of us. I had missed the last Hogsmede day because of the moon and they decided to 'treat' me to some candy. Not like I protested too much. Being a prefect had its benefits, and we walked, unnoticed though the halls. We were in good spirits, closer than before. Sirius and James more than made up for my 'lack of interest' in pranks. Peter, too, had declined participation in his share. He and I spent a good deal of time studying for our OWLs. Sirius and James had turned, almost exclusively, to taunting Snape. For some reason, they wanted to go for the easy prey. I hadn't taken part in any of the Snape-pranking. Anytime we hit on any other Slytherin, I was usually there. I had had enough of Snape though. It wasn't fair, I realised. Malfoy had graduated and Snape had no one. I wasn't about to take advantage of that. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right.

'Jemmying said yes,' Peter grinned as we piled the candies on his bed. 'She said she had been waiting for me to ask. _She had been waiting_!'

'Good for you, Wormtail,' I smiled. Well, one of the four of us going with the one we wanted was decent.

'I want to ask Evans.'

'She already has a date,' Peter told him, proud to share information that James didn't already know.

'Wait! She! I'll kill him… I'll…'

'It's me, James,' I whispered. 'She asked me if I would go with her – as a friend, mind.'

'_MOONY!_' he groaned and I shied away, falling backwards on Sirius' bed. '_How could you_?'

'Sorry?'

'Sirius!' James called, 'Sirius, you take Remus and then I can go ask Evans.'

Sirius looked at me and I shot James a warning glare. 'I'd love to Prongsy, especially since I've seen the outfit he'll be wearing, but I don't know what my fans will think.'

'Sod your fans,' he nearly shouted. 'Take Moony, dance with him… whatever. You two can make a statement and be the most stunning blokes there. And I'll finally get Evans.'

'And I suppose you've talked to all the parties involved in this, James?' I asked sarcastically.

'What?'

'Have you asked Lily? Have you asked me?'

James shrugged. 'I don't see any problem.'

'Just leave it be, Prongs, you can ask her to dance. If she wants to, she will.'

He groaned and scowled and I grabbed some chocolates and retreated to my bed to read some before going to bed. I felt Sirius' eyes on me and I sullenly pulled my curtains closed before I closed my eyes. Damn James for putting ideas into Sirius' head.

To skip ahead a bit, I've covered enough nondescript Christmas hols, we got ready for the Yule Ball. Sirius was dressed in his tighter-than-sin pants and spandex blue top. His hair was down, but he spelled it so it gleamed. His boots had a collection of buckles on them. As I slipped into my outfit, Sirius held out a piece of jewellery – it was like my navel ring that the piercer had given me, only it had three chains dangling from the bottom jewel, each with their own, little gem. Everyone else had on dressrobes, save Lily who was dressed in a skirt-and-blouse ensemble similar to the previous year.

We stood, like the year before, in front of the punch-table mocking our peers. Well, we danced a few dances, but we were neither of us real fans of dancing. Lily cooed at me, watching me watch Sirius. Merlin. Sirius Sex-on-legs Black. As promised James appeared and asked for a dance. There were several girls trailing behind him (James being a Quidditch star and all) and they pouted when he asked. She said 'no'. A few minutes later, he asked again, with the same response. Lily rolled her eyes. The third time she must have felt sorry for him because she accepted.

'Moony,' Sirius whispered in my ear, 'I see your date's left you for Prongs.' I nodded. 'Dance with me?'

I turned to face him. 'I'm fine, thank you.'

'Sorry, wrong answer.' He pulled me onto the dance floor and wrapped his arms around my waist, mine went around his neck—loosely. Apparently it was too loose, he pulled me closer, and I was forced to do the same. He was too close for my personal comfort. Damn my tight pants! One of his hands trailed up to my hair and he tentatively brushed a hand through my hair. 'I knew you'd look great, Moony. So bloody gorgeous.' I rolled my eyes. 'You know, I would have come with you, just you, if you had wanted.' His hand steadied. 'You're the best looking bloke here – and the best kisser.'

'You're just horny,' I told him.

'Your fault,' he shrugged. The song ended and I tried to pull away. 'Another dance, Moony?'

'Sirius,' I looked him in the eyes, 'I am not one of your conquests and I would appreciate it if you didn't treat me as thus.'

'Moony… I…' he pulled me towards him again and pressed his lips against mine. His tongue slipped in my mouth and I pushed him away.

'Don't do this to me, Sirius. You can't do this to me,' I ran out of the Hall, brushing back tears with my long sleeves as I went. I ran to the one place that Sirius couldn't follow me; the prefects' bathroom. I'm a coward, I know. Lily followed me in, a few minutes later. She knew about my tendency to hide myself and I knew that she had been watching the whole thing.

'So, want to tell me what happened there?' Straight to the point. Excellent. I shook my head in the negative. 'Remus. He was there, holding you and kissing you.'

'Because I was _there_, Lily,' I sobbed. 'He doesn't _want_ me. I'm… I'm just another notch on the bedpost for him!

'Are you so sure?' I nodded. 'Potter was watching pretty intensively, too. Maybe he knows something?'

'I want him to be mine. Mine alone.'

'You and half the school,' Lily agreed. 'I'm on your side, though,' she paused, 'I was surprised when you pushed him away.'

'It was hard… but I didn't want to get too confused in the midst of things.'

Lily left me to my sorrows and I stayed there for a time. Upon returning to the room, I found it empty, untouched. I didn't bother to think about where my roommates were, I went to bed and though about Sirius. I thought about the feel of his arms pulling me to him, I though about his hand in my hair, his warm body against mine (and my reaction to it). I thought about his lips and his tongue. I went to sleep thinking of him, not like that was any change from normal.

So the year passed. The second term was mostly cram-studying for OWLs and then… the OWLs kind of crept up on us. We did them, as willing as we could, and then there were two left: Defence Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration.

The Defence OWL was, well, easy. I mean, I didn't have any problems with it and I had been afraid that I hadn't studied nearly enough. And no matter what I got wrong, I knew that the werewolf one was right. For obvious reasons. A glance proved that Sirius and James had both finished. Sirius was running a hand through his nails and looking properly bored. James was doodling, about Lily no doubt. Flitwick called in the parchments and the test was over.

James, Sirius, Peter and I reunited at the door to push our way through the crowd that had gathered to see Sirius and James, their _favourite Quidditch stars_.

'Did you like question ten, Moony?' Sirius asked nonchalantly.

'Loved it,' I replied. '"Give five signs that identify the werewolf." Excellent question.'

'Do you think you managed to get all the signs?' James asked facetiously as we exited the castle.

'I think I did,' I said with mock resign. 'One: he's sitting in my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: his name's Remus Lupin,' I laughed.

Peter fidgeted, unlaughing. 'I got the snot shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tufted tail, but I couldn't think what else – '

'How thick are you Wormtail?' James asked. I flinched at his tone: Peter needed ego boosting, not deflating.

'Keep your voice down, Prongs!' I whispered.

'Well _I_ thought the paper was a piece of cake. I'd be surprised if I don't get an "Outstanding" on it at least,' Sirius boasted.

'Me too,' James agreed pulling a Snitch out of his pocket.

'Where'd you get that?' Sirius' eyes widened.

'Nicked it.' He played with it idly and Peter watched in awe.

I hate hormones.

We sat in the shade and I promptly pulled out a book and began reading. It was my Transfiguration text, I wanted to finish rereading it before the OWL. Not the most exciting reading, mind you. It was more interesting that Wormtail's hero-worship and James' attempt to get random girls' attention.

'Put that away, will you?' Sirius said finally, 'before Wormtail wets himself with excitement.'

'If it bothers you,' James shrugged and put it back in his pocket.

'I'm bored,' Sirius said after a bit, 'wish it was full moon.'

'You might,' I mumbled without looking up. 'We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me. Here…' I held out my book.

'I don't need this rubbish. I know it all.' I rolled my eyes in a Lily-like way.

'This'll liven you up, Padfoot,' James smiled, 'look who it is…'

'Excellent,' he said softly, '_Snivellus_.'

James and Peter stood. Peter watched them and I went back to the book.

'All right, Snivellus?' James asked. He pushed Snape back with _Expelliatmus_ and Sirius laughed. 'How'd the exam go, Snivelly?'

'I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,' Sirius replied. 'There'll be great grease marks all over it, they wont be able to read a work.'

'You – wait. You – wait!' Snape promised.

'Wait for what, Snivelly? What are you going to do, wipe your nose on us?'

Snape cursed, James hexed his mouth clean, Sirius laughed, Peter awed and I sighed.

'Leave him ALONE!' Lily screamed.

'All right, Evans?' he asked in his _gentleman_ voice.

'Leave him alone,' she reiterated in her _boys are stupid_ voice. 'What's he done to you.' I love you, Lily.

'Well,' he said rationally, 'it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…' Many students laughed. Lily didn't. I didn't either.

'You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_.'

'I will if you go out with me, Evans,' James asked quickly. Trust James to find a way to make everything go his way. 'Go out with me and… I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.'

'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and a giant squid.'

'Bad luck, Prongs,' Sirius commented.

I tuned out at that point. I think Snape called Lily… well, a bad name for a Muggle-born. James told her that he would never call her that. Lily told him that he was just as bad – and insulted his clothing. There was hexing and whatever. At one point I just got up and left, seeking out my aforementioned, newfound sanctuary.

I opened the door, glad to see that I was empty, dropped my outer robe on the marble floor and sat on the floor, with my back against the wall. A few minutes later, the door opened and closed and I heard the ruffle of clothing.

'Your robes will get wrinkles if you lay them on the floor,' Lily told me. She hung mine on a peg and hers next to mine.

'I can get them out easily enough.'

'Sure you can,' Lily agreed. She came over and sat next to me on the floor. 'Sorry for yelling at your friends like that, but they were being _horrid_.'

'I just wish that I could have done that,' I told her. 'The two of them are just getting worse.' I moaned; 'and I thought _last_ year was bad!'

'Hopefully it's hit its height.'

'Hopefully. At any rate, this should be a wake-up call for them. Maybe they'll change their ways?'

'Because I yelled at them? Not likely.'

'James probably will, he doesn't like being embarrassed. Sirius, though,' I shrugged. 'I should probably go see how they're taking it.' I rose and put my robes back on. 'Although, I would much rather throw them into a pile of mud at this point.' She laughed as left. I quickly made my way to the Tower and up to my room. Sirius was there alone. He turned to me as I came in, 'Did you ask Baxley?'

'She said "no", Paddy. Again. She's not interested in you.'

'Of course she's interested in me. _Everyone's_ interested in me. I mean, honestly!'

'Maybe, just maybe, she's not interested in becoming another scratch on your bedpost; another conquest for the Gryffinwhore!' I tried hard to contain my own feelings, to not hurt him. 'Not everyone wants to have sex with you! Maybe she's better than that!'

'At least I know how you feel, Moony,' he got up and stalked away.

Somehow I knew the conversation hadn't been about Perri Baxley. It was about him and it was about me. And yet, I felt horrible for saying what I said, for hurting him. Through all his conquests, I'd always been the one who shrugged it off, who was still his friend. I'd always been the one to be his friend, to stand up for him when he was called the Gryffinwhore.

I went to apologise to him. I took the Map and found him, it was easy enough, he was in the hallways just outside of the Transfiguration room. I was going to tell him how I felt about him, how I was mad that it wasn't me, how I wanted it to be me. I was going to tell him.

I was.

Only, I found him in the arms of Cadman Bircriu, a Ravenclaw, and they were snogging. Snogging in the middle of the hall without a care for anyone or anything. I ran back to my bed, pulled the curtains and just cried.


	22. TwentyOne: in which letters are exchange...

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sb(plus)rl, rianxquin

Summary: Poor Remus, poor, poor, Remus

It's short, sorry.

- 

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_In which letters are exchanged._

I became silent and withdrawn. Everyone viewed it as being depressed. Maybe it was. I was hurting. Moony was hurting. Seeing is believing. It was one thing when I knew Sirius was fooling around, it was quite another to see him. Especially only months after the… dare I say disaster at the Ball. After I saw Bircriu in Sirius' arms in the hall, that's all I could think about. I saw Sirius holding him, kissing and… and… then it progressed to more. It sickened me. But what was worse was Sirius' continued association with Bircriu. There was about three weeks between the Event and the end of the year, and Sirius was with him often. Okay, granted, I had stopped talking to Sirius… almost pretending that he didn't exist. To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life. It is no less than a denial of the soul. Oscar Wilde. But they stayed together whenever they could; there was little to do after taking the OWLs.

I was eager for the train to come. When it did, I went to the prefects' carriage, ignoring James, Peter… and Sirius. James had been being incredibly nice to me. Peter, too. Being snotty to an angry/depressed werewolf is not a good idea. James knew what was going on, of course, and I think that Peter suspected. Lily, too, was treading carefully around me. She didn't bother talking about Sirius around me any longer. On the train Lily was sitting next to me, cuddling up against me. I liked the contact and so did she. She was chatting on about people and the summer and whatever. James changed, as I said he would. And Lily liked the change – she told me that I was not, under any circumstance to tell him that. The other prefects were talking about _whatever_ and it didn't matter to me.

Quin and Rian noticed my melancholy mood upon seeing me and offered me some vanilla-strawberry cake. It didn't work. I went to my room and didn't come back down.

There was a knock at my door, I didn't answer. 'Remus, I'm coming in.' Quin entered my room, a cup of tea in one hand and a slice of cake in the other. I didn't move as he sat on my bed. 'So, what's up?'

'Nothing,' I mumbled.

'You haven't been sending letters recently and you're practically dead now. What's wrong, Remy?' I sighed and summarized the cause of my problems. He hugged me. 'Just hang in there, that's all I can say. Oh, and eat some cake.' We're here for you, and we'll do whatever we can.' He squeezed my shoulder. 'I'll leave you now, eat the cake and drink the tea, and think happy thoughts.' He left. I did what he said to humour him and then cried myself to sleep.

About a week later a letter arrived from James. I was still holed up in my room. Rian brought it up to me;

_Moony,_

_Padfoot is here. He ran away from home. Well, it was a little less dramatic than that. He took a load of Galleons from his father's purse and then packed his things up and flooed over here last night. He said he's not going back. Dad said that he was okay with housing Padfoot for as long as he needed, seeing as he's only here during the summer. You've upset him, you know. He's afraid he's morally offended you and that hurts him. I've very nearly told him the truth, just to shut him up — don't worry, I won't. I think, though, that there was something deeper behind his actions at the Ball. That hurt him, too. Not just the rejection of someone he wanted at that moment, I've seen that, remember Baxley? No, I've a notion that he might actually like you. He certainly cares for you enough. You don't have to listen to me, but at least hear him out. Talk to him, Moony. Write him a letter. Something. Anything. Please? He needs it. It's bad enough that his family hates him. He knows what I think about his… activities. You mean something more, though. Somehow, I think, you two are closer than we ever were. Best mates, Moony. I want the best for you and I want the best for him. Of course, you know that I'll never let him hurt you. I don't need to threaten to hurt you if you hurt him. But I will threaten him. Moony, hang in there. Write back, I need to know you're okay. And write to Sirius, too._

_Prongs_

I couldn't do it. Writing him a letter… I would fail. Sirius didn't give me that chance. I got a letter from him later that evening, it was sealed and heavy. There was a chain inside, a heavy, white gold, braided chain with a crescent moon charm on it. Attached was a note:

_Moony, I'm sorry for hurting you. _

I scribbled a short reply:

_Padfoot, what are you playing at?_

And the exchange started thus:

_I found something that was almost as beautiful as you are. You may hate the moon, but every time I see it, I think of you._

_Padfoot, stop it._

_Stop what?_

_I won't become another conquest of the Gryffinwhore. Go to Bircriu, he's willing enough. Or someone else that wants you._

_Sorry you feel that way, Moony._

_You don't know what you want, Padfoot. Don't pretend that you do._

I wiped my tears away. The letters stopped then. I put the chain on, despite my mind telling me not to. It was from Sirius. I cherished it. Rian and Quin understood me. They wondered, like Lily, why I wasn't even giving him a chance, but they knew my motivations. _À cause du loup. _I couldn't 'play around' with him. It was all or nothing. And I couldn't do that to him, not as an experiment. And Sirius obviously didn't understand commitment.

I made prefect again, so I slipped into the carriage without seeing Sirius. It gave me a few more hours to contemplate my reaction. Bellatrix spent the trip gossiping about Sirius' removal from the family tree. Lily, Perri and Conner tried to comfort me. Moody, moony, loony Lupin.

I got to school and the real problems began.


	23. TwentyTwo: in which a chance if offered

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: **sbxrl**, rianxquin

Summary: next verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse.

This one's to all my fangirls who have been waiting twenty-two agonising, angsty chapters for the time that the esteemed author decided to be 'nice' to her favourite puppies.

I apologise now for the fluffy, over-exaggerated, bizarre, cheesy sap.

* * *

**Twenty-Two**

_In which a chance is offered._

I fingered the heavy chain with its charm before I slipped it back under my uniform. Sirius had given it to me. I didn't care what his intentions were, he had given it to me and that was all that mattered. As a Sixth Year prefect, I had some duties to perform before and after dinner. During dinner I sat in-between Lily and James. James was next to Peter, and Sirius across from me. I didn't pay the other Marauders any attention, just chatted lightly with Lily the entire time. After dinner we helped see the First Years to the dorm and let all the Gryffindors know the password ('placebo') before we went to a prefect meeting. The Head Boy and Girl were both Ravenclaws that year, but they usually were, and they sat next to each other as the meeting commenced. I didn't pay much attention, but I was sure that Lily and/or Perri would fill me in later if I asked.

I walked back to my room behind the other Gryffindor prefects, as I wanted to wait as long as I could before I confronted the others. Peter and James were sitting on the former's bed talking quietly as I entered the room. Sirius was scribbling something on some scrap parchment. He looked up at me, his expression unreadable. His eyes were wide. I swore I saw a faint red tint to his cheeks before he ducked his head back down to what he was doing before. I had become an alien in my own group. Lovely. I readied for bed and pulled my curtains. Sleep was far from my thoughts. Soon I heard James' snoring and then I heard Peter's. I could see a faint light, Sirius'. It was far into the night, probably somewhere around midnight, when I saw my curtains open, I quickly shut my eyes.

'Moony,' he whispered, 'are you awake? We need to talk.' I said nothing. After a few minutes of watching my 'sleeping' form, he left, presumably to return to his own bed. I needed more time before I told him off again. It was thing to do it in a letter, it was quite another to do it to his face.

We didn't have class together on the first day, Thursday. James and Sirius were in all the same classes, and I was into heavy Defence and History classes. Peter was… well, he had everything in moderation. I had breakfast like I always did, with the girls, and then I had lunch a Gryffindor-prefect meeting with McGonagall during lunch. After my classes I went to the library. Theoretically I was studying, but I just stared at my books.

'Moony.' I looked up and met Sirius' eyes. He sat slowly, deliberately next to me. 'Moony,' he repeated. 'We need to talk.' I dropped my gaze. He put a hand on mine and reached the other one up to cup my face. 'Moony, what's wrong?' I said nothing. 'I don't want you to be just another boyfriend. Moony, I, I love you too much for that. _Please listen!_'

I shook his hand off. 'Sirius. Stop toying with me. You know what I am. Werewolves mate for life. _For life_, Sirius. You can hardly stay with someone for a month. Why would I let you use me and then toss me aside? I love you, Sirius, but you don't know what love is. Don't pretend you do!' I ran out of the library then, leaving my things on the table. Looking back would be my undoing. It was for the best.

I ran out of the castle into the pouring rain. It was September, gone was whatever had existed of the August 'heat'. It wasn't an English rain, it was a Scottish one. It was hard and windy. And cold. It didn't usually get that bad until October or November. I ignored it as I pressed against the wind in the rain. I didn't know where I was going, I didn't care. How could I have been a Gryffindor? I was a weakling and a coward. I was avoiding confrontation and I knew it. Sirius _said_ he wanted to be with me, but I kept thinking of his past infatuations. A blond girl one week and a brunette boy the next. Cadman Bicriu. I ran until I was out of breath, and found myself at the Whomping Willow. I hit the knot and staggered through to the Shack. I hated the Shack. I usually waited out the moon, well before my friends became Animagi, in the base floor of the Shack, and the claw marks were there to prove it. There was a ladder that led up to a loft, and I climbed it. The loft was probably once a bedroom; there was a table, a lantern and a cot on the floor. The small window bore signs of the curtains that had once been there. I dropped my sodden robes on the floor, followed by my muddy shoes and socks. After a minute of consideration, my trousers followed. I crawled under the blanket on the cot and curled in a fatal position. Moony roared in my head; but I ignored him.

The rain hit against the window and I felt the occasional drop against my face, testament to the shabbiness of the shanty. The lantern I left unlit, it wouldn't do to have some adventuresome wizards come see what was amidst in the 'haunted' Shack that night. No, the howling was reserved to the full moon.

I heard the creaking of the floorboards and attributed it to the making of my sanctuary. Then the ladder creaked. Okay, maybe not my imagination. 'Moony?' a light question floated in the air. He had followed me. Who did he think he was?

'Moony…' he climbed into the room and made his way to me. He, too, was sopping wet. He dropped his robes and leaned down to me. In the meagre light the moon gave off, I could see his hair plastered to his face; his eyeliner and mascara formed a black line down his cheeks. His brilliant blue eyes glowed. He steered my face to his so that I had no choice but to look at him.

'Moony, will you _listen to me_?' he begged. 'All of the others, I don't want them. I never did. I had them to keep me company because the one that I did want didn't pay any attention to me. Not the way that I wanted him to. I could only take it for so long. Soon… every kiss, every caress… it wasn't fair to the one I was with that I was always thinking of someone else. You, Remy. It was always you, and it always will be you. I don't want to fool around, I want to be with you, I want to see you smile and know that it was me that caused it. I want forever, Remus.'

'You don't love me,' I told him, teary eyed, 'You don't love me and you can't love me. I'm not one of your toys and I will not kiss the ground you walk on. You don't know what you're talking about, Padfoot, you're confusing "love" and "lust". That works for others perhaps, but not for me.' He started to protest and I cut him off with a sharp look, 'no-one can love me. No-one can love a dark creature. No-one can one to spend their entire life mated to a dark creature. Please don't say something you don't mean, Pad——'

His lips descended on mine, his hands holding my head still. I jerked away and started to protest, but he pulled me back and continued. 'Moony,' he finished the kiss and ran a hand through my hair, caressing it like it was silk. 'Moony… Moony… I don't understand….' he shook his head, 'no, I don't. How can someone as perfect as you are be so pessimistic and cynical?'

'Experience?'

'I'm not toying with you, Moony,' he sighed, 'I could never do that. I tried everything else I could think of to get you to love me, but all they did was distance you from me. And the most direct route makes you hate me. What can I do, Moony? How the hells can I get your attention?'

'Try awakening the wolf with a kiss… Try Third Year,' I mumbled sadly trying to move my head and failing.

'Third… Blimey! You're… Look, Moony. Give me a chance, then. I know I don't deserve you, but that doesn't mean I don't want you any less.'

I shivered. 'Sirius… just go. Leave, it's the best for… for both of us.'

'No,' he said. He pressed his lips against mine, briefly. 'Not an option. Give me a chance. Deny not thyself. Prongs… he told me you were… mooning over me. Deny not thyself. Deny not the wolf. Remus, I can prove it to you.' He looked into my eyes, the sapphire orbs bearing into my soul. The eyes are the window to the soul. 'Just give me a chance and I'll prove myself to you. Once chance, Moony. That's all I ask. Please.'

_Yes! Yes!_ The wolf screamed. Remus wasn't quite so sure. It took a moment, and I don't know why. I found myself wrapping my arms around him, burying my head in the crevice of his neck and shoulder. 'Yes, Sirius, yes.'


	24. TwentyThree: in which fluffiness commenc...

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbxrl, rianxquin, jp+le

Summary: next verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse.

By the by, there's more angst to come. Reread PoA if you're clueless. But I promise some fluff. You've earned it. And some sap. Fluffy sap o.O

Sirius is in Canis Major (Alpha Canis Majoris), Regulus is in Leo (Alpha Leonis) and Bellatrix is in Orion (Gamma Orionis). The following I added in, because I am a freak: Aldebaran (Alpha Tauri), Antares (Alpha Scorpii), Spica (Alpha Virgonis) and Pollux (Beta Gemini), they have now become random Blacks.

* * *

**Twenty-Three**

_In which fluffiness commences._

I sat in Sirius' arms for hours. Neither of us said anything yet I think we both knew that we had reached an understanding. Was he sincere? I hoped so. I didn't know. He _sounded_ sincere. Was it the wolf that urged me to accept his… proposal? Was it me? No. I don't think so. It was, I think, a subconscious effort that wasn't controlled by the wolf or by me.

I felt right in his arms, but I knew that already from his visit that summer. It was the same and it was different. I held him and memorised his scent. His nose was buried in my hair and I felt his wet hair against my neck. We held each other, not wanting to let the other go. In the battle between Moony and Remus, it was the third party that was still winning.

I felt his hand moving in soothing circles on my back, calming me. I found I had been crying and I didn't quite know when or wherefore I started. After a time it was Sirius that first broke the silence; 'are you done thinking those horrid thoughts?'

'A… about what?'

'The rubbish about who you are meaning that you don't deserve to be happy,' he prompted. I opened my mouth to protest and he glared at me. 'I pay enough attention in Defence to know that you're no dark creature. Moony. You're the smartest, most intelligent, kindest, damnit Moony, you deserve so much more than what you've got. Don't argue with me, you've been crapped on.'

'No, I…'

'Forget the text books and the Werewolf Codes. Remy. Forget it. Listen to me.' He raised my head and initiated another kiss. The first one since the Understanding. 'Merlin,' he sighed, 'perfect. Don't contradict me, Remy. We really need to work on that low ego of yours,' he smiled fondly. 'Ready to fight the rain?' I blinked, confused. 'We do have to make it back to our room eventually. Prongs won't miss us but Wormy might break a vein or something.'

We could have Charmed our robes dry, but it was pointless to do so, as they would only get wet again. As we neared the Tree, we started sprinting, so that we could avoid the violent limbs. Hand-in-hand we ran to the castle, and, upon arriving, we Dried ourselves and rearranged our robes a bit. The latter was in case we were spotted by a professor. I was a prefect, so they didn't mind if was out and about, but they would have questioned our disarrangement. Mind you, I wouldn't have objected to visiting the prefects' bathroom. Only…

We made our way back. Peter and James were playing Wizarding Chess on the floor. James was _decent_ (Sirius and I could both beat him) and Peter was mediocre at best. Of course, Peter jumped at the chance to do anything with James. He was bordering on obsession. Sirius and I nonchalantly waltzed in and went to our trunks to pull out our sleeping clothes. We pulled them on. I slipped into my bed, quietly, and Sirius headed to the mirror to pull his brush through his hair — always the pretty, perfect boy. His hair glistened and he flipped it experimentally over a shoulder before whacking James one. James glared and chucked one of Peter's pawns at him. Sirius stuck his tongue out.

I needed some sleep, I had double Runes in the morning and then a long break and Advanced Astronomy was from eight until midnight. I needed the sleep. I pulled my curtains closed and snuggled in. A few minutes later the noise in the room stopped and my curtains opened. A much-welcomed warm weight settled in and pressed against my back.

'Moony, you didn't wait up for me.'

'I didn't expect you to join me.'

'Silly Moony,' his arm draped around me, reminisce of two summers past. He held be closer than before, though. 'That summer,' Sirius mumbled against my hair, echoing my own thoughts, 'that summer I wanted you then. So irresistible. It was torture to only hold you.' His hand dipped down and pulled gently at my navel barbell.

'Padfoot.'

'Hmm?'

'What… what do we do tomorrow?'

'Go to class, I suppose.'

'No I mean… what about Prongs? Wormtail? Your groupies?'

'What about them?'

'Are you going to tell them… about us? There is an "us", right?'

'Of course there's an "us", Moony,' he paused. 'You don't need to worry, I don't want any of them. And I'll tell everyone, if you want me to. There's no hiding and I'm done dating around.'

'Promise?'

He pushed me over, so he was hovering above me and he made eye contact. 'Always, Moony.' And he kissed me. He stroked my hair lightly before settling back down, half on top of me, using my shoulder as a pillow. One of his hands rested on my chest, rising and falling with my breaths. I slowly moved my own hand to rest in his long hair, revelling again in the silkiness.

I woke, amazed, to a degree, to see Sirius there. I pushed him off of me and made way to gather my uniform before I showered. My routine was as normal, I met the girls and then went to class. Sirius slept in, as he always did, and I only waved to him as he and James ran to their Transfiguration class. I sat through my double Runes with Lily and several Ravenclaws. From Runes I went to lunch, arriving after the others. Sirius was glancing at the door, eagerly waiting for me to join him. Lily grinned, I told her about what had happened, and pushed me forward. She, in turn, sat at the other end of the table. Ever since James decided to prove himself to her the year before, she had been avoiding him like the plague. Sirius took my hand in his under the table and squeezed it;

'Missed you.'

'It's only been a few hours, Paddy.'

He shrugged. 'S'not that same having classes without you.'

'You're the one who wants to be an Auror, remember?'

'Little did we know we'd have Potions with Old Snivellus and Herbology with Rosier,' James groaned.

'You _did_ ask for it,' I reminded them.

Peter groaned. 'Of course, now there's no one to help me with my homework…'

The three of us looked at him, 'don't worry Wormy,' Sirius grinned, 'between the three of us we ought to be able to work out something.'

'Of course, with you and Moony together, we might have a hard time actually getting _time_ to talk to you,' James laughed, a slight blush decorating his face.

I looked over at Sirius. 'I went ahead and told them this morning,' he explained, whispered in to my ear, 'I hope you don't mind.' I shook my head. ''Wanted to keep my promise to you, Remy.' I smiled and kissed Sirius' cheek.

'Soooo,' James broke in, 'what's the plan for this afternoon?'

'Up for some marauding?' Sirius asked.

'…not Snivellus,' James said with resign, 'Evans didn't like it when we picked on him, so… maybe we should lay off him a little.'

'I was thinking of devising some plans to do a bit of… _Black Washing_? I've a few new ideas to add on to our "brainstorming" from the summer.'

'It's Friday… I've Advanced Astronomy from eight to eleven.'

'Blimey! That's like…!' James choked. 'Is that even legal?'

'Probably,' I nodded pensively. 'I'm going to go nap in-between then and now. And I don't have much Runes homework, just a little translation.'

'But then…' Sirius protested, 'you'll be out all night!'

'Astronomy's only on Tuesdays and Fridays… and I can skip the days where… I'm otherwise occupied. Tuesday's class is shorter, one to three.'

'In the morning?'

'Well I'm not bloody likely to see stars in the daytime, am I?' Peter giggled. 'Besides, one can see different stars at different times of night. And, it's the perfect time for seeing Sirius.'

'And you have to go out at night to see me?' he raised an eyebrow.

'Must be an ugly star,' James said offhandedly.

'Actually,' I retorted, 'it's the brightest star in the sky, and absolutely beautiful…'

'I remember looking at pictures in Astronomy a few years back,' Peter said helpfully.

'The Blacks obviously don't have any creativity with their baby names,' James commented, 'Sirius, Regulus, Bellatrix, Aldebaran, Antares, Spica, Pollux...'

'Yeah well, there's as many Blacks as there are stars. But I'll always be the best and the brightest.'

I leaned forward, to mock-whisper at James and Peter. 'Let's let him think that, shall we?'

I finished up lunch and then Sirius and I walked back to the Tower. Sirius said that he wanted to get his text book but I knew that that was bullocks.

'I won't get to spend that much time with you,' Sirius complained, 'we have none of the same classes and you have this horrid Astronomy class!'

'You'll be asleep most of that time anyway, you'll hardly notice I'm gone.'

I sat down on my bed and he walked towards me and kissed me, softly. 'I've got class…' he walked away. 'Sorry, Remy… I'll be waiting for you when you come back.'

And he walked away and I napped, right through dinner, I woke to find Sirius cuddled with me. He was reading his textbook and leaning up against me at the same time. It was heart warming. When I woke, we cuddled and kissed a little before I went up to the Astronomy Tower.

Once there Professor Moonstruck ushered us to sit down in a circle around the rim of the tower, there were eight of us total. 'I've paired you up to do a bit of a memory-refreshing assignment that will go throughout all of unit one. You will be assigned a partner and a group of constellations. They are as follows:' she read of names and constellations, I tuned out until I heard my name, 'Lupin and Snape, you have Orion, Canis Major, Canis Minor and Taurus.' An ongoing project with _Snape_. Not spending time with Sirius because of _Snape_? This was not going to be good. At all.


	25. TwentyFour: in which stars are quasilumi...

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbxrl, jp(plus)le, jp(plus)ss, jp(plus)pp, rianxquin

Summary: group projects suck like burning.

Lookie! i'm not dead Okay, i've not been sleeping and thus haven't had time to write… So this took me forever. Anyway, here it is enjoy. 

**Twenty-Four**

_In which stars are quasi-luminous._

'To begin with I want maps of the constellations in respect to each other. Then actual drawings from sightings that you will do at different times – remember to use Standard Astronomy Time, refresh yourself on the mythology concerning these. Know the star names, individual and Greek-based. I think that's enough to start with, I'll give you some group time after the lesson. Now, if you look to the west you can see what's called Orion's Belt…'

I sighed and listened. It was mostly review. She went into a little bit of Astrology, promising more Muggle Astrology vs. Muggle Astronomy vs. Wizard Astronomy. Goody. Star Readings. I spared a glance to Snape, he was following Moonstruck and taking notes avidly. My eyes found Sirius unconsciously. Sirius stood out in Canis Major, obviously, and was in a direct line from Orion's Belt. Sirius… Mirzam… Mulihen… Wezen… Adara… Furud… Aludra… Merlin, Sirius. What was I going to do? Could I indulge myself? _Should_ I indulge myself? Could I _afford_ to? Could Sirius? Did he know what he was getting himself into? I mean, it was all nice and wonderful1, sure, but was it going to last? If… if it went further and the wolf claimed him, then… Forever is a long time. Forever with Sirius. I could live with that. Easily could I live with that. Sirius, though? The day that been perfect, Sirius was sweet. Of course, I knew that. And he said that he loved me. He said that and he was kind, not doing anything that he thought would be rushing the relationship. He wanted to do it 'right', he said. He wanted it to be 'perfect'. Perfect. Bloody hells. I'm a werewolf, I told myself. I don't bloody deserve to have a perfect relationship with my ideal mate. I wanted it, but I didn't deserve it.

'Lupin!' Snape's hiss woke me from my thoughts. 'Pay attention!'

'I, oh, sorry,' I looked up. He had a new piece of parchment with the four constellations written on it. _Orion. Taurus. Canis Major. Canis Minor._ 'Work time?' I asked.

'Yes,' he snarled. Someone was obviously not happy about this arrangement. 'Since we have to be here Tuesday, we can observe before class. At midnight.'

'I…' I nodded slowly, 'okay. We should probably meet to do the writing part, too…'

'I can take care of it.'

'No, I won't let you,' I sighed, 'look, we can meet in the library, and I won't bring James or Sirius.' His eyes narrowed. 'Look, Snape, we have to truce to do this. We don't have to like each other, but we have to talk to do this.'

He looked like he was going to argue with me, but then he hung his head, 'when have you a study period?'

'I haven't. But I've nothing else on Fridays save double Runes in the morning. And I suppose I'm free in the evenings.'

'Tomorrow?'

'No plans that I know of,' I said slowly. Sirius was going to be upset.

'Let's go for eight in the library,' he paused, 'you will be up, right?' I nodded, 'it should be empty then.' He shrugged and started to sketch Orion. He finished and looked up to check on the accuracy. I leaned forward and labelled the stars with their Greek characters. Alpha, beta, gamma, delta… Snape grunted and set to work on Taurus. I took my own quill and started on Canis Major, determined to do that constellation on my own. I did it by memory (I'm not crazy, I promise) and moved to Canis Minor, because somehow two stars was made to be a constellation. Go figure.

The period ended and we hurried tiredly down the stairs and made our way to our dorms. My bed curtains were halfway open and Sirius was propped against the headboard, his eyes were closed and his head lay unsupported in an awkward angle. He looked like he had intended to stay awake but failed miserably in doing so. I smiled softly and crawled in next to him, resting against his chest.

_Your skin is made of ivory and gold, the curves of your lips rewrite history._

Sometime during the night he shifted down, and we nuzzled closer together. I was unaware at the time but the evidence was there when I woke with the dawn. I crawled out of Sirius' arms to go through my morning routine before heading off to the library. As I left the bed, however, my wrist was grabbed.

'Moony, s'Saturday. No class. Stay,' Sirius mumbled half-coherently.

'Gotta project,' I shook his hold.

'No. Stay,' he declared.

'Sorry, Siri, can't,' I walked off, wishing that I _could_ stay and cuddle with Sirius, but 'Advanced' indicated that there was more work to be done and I wasn't about to forfeit my grade for a little bit of extra cuddling time, no matter how appealing it was to do so.

Snape was already in the library when I arrived, he as sitting at a table on the far corner of the room. The table he had chosen had a few rolls of parchment and some Astronomy books laid on it already. I slipped in across from him and he looked up, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

We looked at the charts from the previous night and went over our mythology. _Thankfully_ the myths of the four intertwined – although I suspect that Moonstruck intended it thus. We redid the charts so that they were actually legible and neatly wrote in the names and letters and then the constellation names. Connect the dots. (It is, though, a bit of a stretch to imagine two stars as a dog, but I guess that Greek shepherds had little else to do with their time.)

'When do you want to observe?'

'Pardon?'

'The stars,' Snape prompted, 'when do you want to observe them?'

'We need probably ten observations,' I shrugged, 'I guess dawn and dusk and then eight times in-between?'

'Meet me at the Astronomy Tower at six.'

'The Astronomy Tower might not be a good idea,' I bit my lip. I knew right well what some people did there when there was no class. He looked at me curiously. 'It's… um, a popular spot for couples, and, so maybe we could go elsewhere? One of the Quidditch towers, perhaps?'

He blushed, although it was barely visible. 'Six then at the south tower.' The south one, Slytherin. Of course. I nodded and grabbed my things. James had been talking about Quidditch practise and I wanted to watch. Sirius would be there. I ran out to the pitch, sure enough Sirius was flying circles around the pitch, an angry James following after him. They had matching brooms, Nimbus 1042s, and the rest of the team was on the ground, brooms in hand, watching. They were laughing and pointing. Sirius tossed something down to a dark-haired Second Year (Clearance Grommell, I believe). He caught it and stuffed it into his pocket. I doubt James saw because he continued to follow Sirius. The latter landed in front of me, threw his broom down and pulled me to him and kissed me firmly.

'Mooony!'

'You're all sweaty,' I told him, pushing him away.

''Missed you,' he declared, loudly enough for the team to hear. No hiding, no regrets.

''Had some work to so, s'all.'

He leaned forward, 'silly, studious werewolf,' he whispered into my ear. 'We were just teaching Prongsy an important lesson; I am far superior to him and always will be,' he announced.

Grommell snickered. 'Pure bloods, Lupin, you have to humour them, y'know?'

I nodded seriously. 'Indeed, one has to keep them happy else wise they start to have ego issues and we can't have that.' Sirius visibly pouted.

'Practise is over anyway,' Conrad, the captain, added with a large smile. 'Hit the showers.'

Everyone save Sirius and James made a move to leave. James was grinning widely. 'See, Moony, 'told you it would work out.' Sirius turned and whacked James. 'We were planning on going down to Hogsmede to celebrate Sirius' monogamy.'

'All the chocolates you want.'

'Wormtail and I are thrilled that the Night Escapes are stopping,' James continued.

'Sorry, can't.'

Sirius raised an eyebrow, 'Moony, refusing chocolates?'

'Study date,' I shrugged. They exchanged glances. They weren't used to not studying with me. 'Advanced Astronomy.'

'You had Astronomy last night,' Sirius commented.

'And she gave us a monster group-project that we want to get out of the way,' I sighed. 'We're meeting here at nightfall.'

'Who're working with?' James asked.

I sighed, 'Snape.'

Sirius blanched. 'Snivellus? _Snivellus!_ You have to spend free-time with _Snivellus_? Just do the project and…'

'Look, we're getting out of the way, we didn't pick partners or anything. And it's a lot of work for _one_ person.'

'_Moony_!'

'Absence makes the heart grow fonder?' I suggested.

James made as if to say something and Sirius gestured him to the changing rooms, before James made to leave, Sirius pulled me to him and began kissing me. I heard James gag but neither Sirius nor I made to leave.

'We'll just have to spend the rest of the day together, won't we?' Sirius grinned.

I rolled my eyes. 'Prat,' I chided resting my head on his shoulder.

'That's why you love me?' he suggested.

I shrugged, 'it's possible, I suppose.'

He ran off then, to quickly shower (at my insistence). When he returned, we wandered through the grounds. Just like before, only not. We just talked, the two of us. We'd been too distanced since the summer, and we used the time to catch up with one another. Because, before everything else, we were friends. You don't know what you have until you loose it. Or something like that.

Our relationship had changed, but it would always be the same. That comforted me, I suppose. We found ourselves, by mid-afternoon, just resting against some tree. Every so often other students would pass, but it didn't matter. It was peaceful and relaxed. It was as it should have been.

(1) Stollism…


	26. TwentyFive: in which there is male bondi...

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbxrl, rianxquin, jp(plus)le, jp(plus)ss, jp(plus)pp

Summary: Remus proves that, yes, he can be a "normal" teenager and just relax with his friends.

Okay, ummmm yeah. i've had issues more so than normal recently. And i've not been sleeping. Uh, 24 does have new material in it, i suggest that you read that first. Um, enjoy? i hope it's not too horrible. Or something.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

_In which there is male bonding._

I stifled another yawn as I climbed up the Slytherin Quidditch Tower. My notes, paper and charcoal hung in a bag off my shoulder and I carried two Thermoses of tea. It was chilly and I had this horrible nice streak and, being Scotland, it was a tad bit chilly. Snape, as I had expected, was already there, making preliminary notes and sketches and grumbling to himself. He didn't hear me approach. I sat down, quietly, and set one of the Thermoses down next to him and coughed lightly. His head turned to me and he looked suspiciously at the Thermos.

'It's safe, I promise,' I assured him.

'Says a Gryffindor,' he snorted.

'The two are the same,' I switched the Thermoses, I wasn't about to argue, Merlin knew he had enough reason to doubt me. 'It's just some tea, it's cold out tonight.'

'Thank you,' he whispered as if the words were completely foreign to him. He took a cautious sip.

We worked for a few hours until, rubbing our eyes, we packed up. Together we climbed down the stairs and headed for the castle. He went to the dungeon and I went to the Tower. The whole night had been frightfully void of conversation. Granted it _was_ Snape, but I really hadn't wanted to spend that much time saying that little. The fire in the common room was down to its final embers and the silence in Gryffindor Tower was deafening. Sighing I finished my hike up and didn't even bother to put my things away. I dropped my bag unceremoniously on the floor, slipped out of my uniform and crawled into my bed. My strangely occupied bed. It appeared as if Sirius didn't bother to wait for me that night. He was snuggled, peacefully, under the covers. Smiling, I scrambled next to him and he adjusted to my presence.

I feel asleep feeling warm, loved and content.

Morning came, and I found Sirius had caged me. As I had no plans, I allowed myself to practice the Art of Sloth. Amazing how easy it was.

'Mmmm, Remus?' he stretched, partially and yawned as if trying to convince himself that waking up was a decent idea.

''Morning, Paddy,' I grinned.

''Running away again?'

'Not today. I don't think.'

'That's good,' he agreed, nodding his head. He slouched back down, his head heavily hitting the pillow. Not willing to argue with his… logic, I, too, lay back down in the circle of his arms.

All too sudden for my liking or Sirius', my curtains were yanked open and a stream of light blinded us. James and Peter stood glaring at the two of us with unreadable looks on their faces.

'At least they're not snogging,' Peter mumbled.

James rolled his eyes, 'at least it's not some random bloke.'

'Because I have a habit of letting random blokes sleeping in my bed, right, Prongs?'

Sirius just glared at the otherwise non-canine Marauders.

'So,' James ignored Sirius' glare, 'Wormtail and I were thinking – '

'Did it hurt?' Sirius asked.

Unfazed, James continued, 'that the Slytherins have been too full of themselves recently and we might need to remind them that there's no way they can beat our Quidditch team.'

'And this was important enough to wake us up at this ungodly hour?'

'It's well past noon.'

'On a _Sunday_, Jimmy, on a bloody _Sunday!_'

'Anyway, Wormtail pointed out that, in their burst of confidence they might have, er, _forgotten_ to check up on their practise equipment and we might need to help them along with that.' Sirius laughed, most likely torn between 'fixing' the problem and leaving bed. 'Besides, I did promise to help Wormtail with his Transfiguration,' he shrugged as if that were a deciding factor.

'Well,' I began as I extracted myself from Sirius' arms, 'let's discuss this over lunch, shall we?'

Sundays at Hogwarts are very lax. Lunch is defined as the period of time in-between 11.30 and 14.30, available to those who skipped breakfast or just woke up as well as those who actually did have breakfast. Dinner was more formal, but that was to be expected. Soon after we sat in the nearly-empty Hall, Quin's owl paid me a visit bearing a letter and a box from my guardian(s):

_Remus,_

_We're heading down to France for a short time. Remember the French werewolf pack from a few years back? The Alpha, Frédéric, has invited us down to see the village. Remy, imagine! Frédéric has been working with Vincent, the Master Vampyre in the area. The pack and the kiss have worked together, Remy, and their village a haven for such "dark creatures", the first of its kind. Vampyres and werewolves living together. I never thought the day would come._

_I know that I can trust Sirius, James and Peter to help you with the moons – no matter how much you may be confused about Sirius' actions at this time, I can assure you that he does care about you._ (I smiled; Quin and Rian had spent the summer telling me this. And it turns out that they were right – they had a habit of being so.) _So, stop 'mooning' over him and do something about it. I raised you better than that! _

_You're welcome to owl us during our stay ('though expect delays, Doyler__1__ may have problems reading the French road signs. That's a joke, Remy!) Perhaps we can visit again during the summer, if only to keep your French fresh. _

_Be well, take care and don't study too hard (because I know that you will)._

_Love always,_

_Quin and Rian_

I folded up the letter quickly, lest anyone read over my shoulder. The writing was Quin's, although I have no idea how he managed to keep his hand steady enough to write it. The village was his dream-child. No, seriously er, you know what I mean. Not only did he have to press for the legislation to get a village set up with Muggle Obscuring Guards, but he had to coax the vampyres and werewolves to live together in harmony. I knew there were other "dark creatures" living there, but those two were the main ones. A whole pack and a whole kiss agreed to live together. It was, indeed, a landmark victory. I had clippings from _L'oracle Quotidien_, the French version of the _Prophet_, detailing the successes. Most often, the entire project was called 'foolish' or 'dangerous', yet Vincent and Frédéric kept their followers lobbying with Quin finally the results were in.

I welled with pride and I explained the implications to my three British friends. Forgoing the planning momentarily, I began a response to them in French, not because I was writing anything secret, but because I hate when people read over my shoulder. Besides Quin's French was pretty bad (and Rian's was worse). I summarised the past few days and let them divine what they could about Sirius and me. I handed the letter to Doyler and, after I told him firmly to take his time, he was off.

'What's that game, Wormsy?' Sirius was asking, 'the Muggle one.'

Peter brightened up, 'football.'

'Right,' Sirius nodded triumphantly, 'hows about we Transfigure them some footballs.'

'They don't know what… _footballs_ are, though,' James pointed out.

'If it's a lesson for Peter,' I considered, 'all that matters is that _he_ knows what a football looks like. And he has four chances: two Bludgers, the Snitch and the Quaffle.'

They grinned. The Marauders had a plan.

Nonchalantly we headed down to the pitch, As expected, others saw us and came to their own conclusions as to what we were doing. The Map showed that the pitch was empty. James knew, though, that the Slytherins had it book for practise at three. (That was, I suspected, the reason for the prank. He had mentioned something about Conrad wanting to get in another practise that weekend.)

Sirius and I took guard outside the Slytherin's equipment area as James walked Peter through the Transformation. The first Bludger was rather flattened, but the other three turned out to be decent footballs, well, according to Peter they were.

'Brilliant!' James patted Peter on the back. 'See, I knew you could do it!'

'Only 'cause you're there,' Peter whined. 'Having different classes isn't a'tall fair.'

'It builds character,' Sirius laughed. 'I don't think it's fair of us to let you skip out on the practice,' he gestured to a stack of spare broomsticks. They were older models, like the ones First Years learn on, but they were functional enough.

'Cricket bats!' Peter laughed. 'Alright then, here goes.' He proceeded to Transfigure each of the brooms into a short, flat bat just as I saw some movement on the map;

'It's time to get out of here.'

'Right then.'

We ran and laughed like children all the way back to Gryffindor Tower. Once there I forced James and Sirius to get some studying done so that I could do the same. Peter read and reread his notes, the three of us eventually succumbing to helping him out. It was just like it had been before; it was just like we had wanted it to remain. We were the Marauders and it would take more than suspicions and dating to separate us.

1 i  Jamie O'Niell. Therefore, every time i need an owl's name, i shall choose Doyler from _At Swim, Two Boys._


	27. TwentySix: in which enigmatic circumstan...

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbxrl, rianxquin, jp(plus)le, jp(plus)pp, jp(plus)ss

Summary: In which Remus is paranoid... or is he?

Warning: OOC!Dumbledore, sap, fluff

Remember like, way back in Chapter 15, when Remus bumped into what he identified as a Death Eater meeting. We'll, heh, i figured that they had to appear. Woot.

i (heart) Perri Baxley. i did mention that she was my rp character from last year. My pb was Natalie Portman, she wasn't quite that pretty. If, for whatever reason, you want her bio, feel free to ask. i felt the need to include her. Remus needs more intelligent people to talk to and the rp died before i got to know Perri too well.

audi

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**Chapter Twenty-Six**  
_In which enigmatic circumstances evolve._

Monday. I headed down to the Hall, as I had for the past six years, significantly earlier than my roommates. Granted, Sirius woke when I left, but he was still slow in getting up. I sat, as I always did, with Lily and Jemmying. They silenced me when I sat, and gestured with their heads to the Slytherin table.

'A sickle says it was Black's idea,' Jemmying snickered.

'Two sickles say it was Potter's,' Lily countered.

'Two it is,' she agreed. The two looked at my expectantly.

I laughed into my tea cup. 'What? It wasn't my idea.' Lily kicked me under the table. 'Okay, so maybe I did the planning, but it wouldn't have worked if I hadn't.'

'But whose idea was it?'

'James,' I shrugged. Jemmying rolled her eyes and pulled out the sickles. 'Sirius and I were asleep at the time.'

''Morning,' Perri slipped in next to me. Since it was breakfast on a Monday and the Slytherins were making a scene, no one seemed to notice (or care about) the Ravenclaw prefect now sitting at the Gryffindors' table. 'Have you read The Prophet yet?' the three of us shook our heads to the negative. 'Here,' she slid an opened copy under my nose.

_ MUGGLE MURDERER AT LARGE _

_ A Muggle investigation in London conducted by the group known as Scotland Yard continues today after a thirteenth body mysteriously appears in the Kensington area. Investigations have taken hold and searches are skirting the Diagon Alley area, so wizards just outside the barriers are warned to be careful. _

_ Each of the thirteen bodies was found by the roadside shortly after daybreak. The Muggle coroners, or post-mortem investigators, could find no plausible cause of death. Each body appeared healthy and there were no signs of any disease, cancer or poison (hazardous potion). As of now, they are listed under 'cause of death unknown' but that will not stop the investigation. _

_ When asked for their opinion on the baffling death of the Muggles last week, Ministry officials refused to comment. However, after the appearance of more bodies, they are starting an investigation of their own. It is marked as low-priority and, as expected, completely independent of Scotland Yard's. _

Lily had found a copy and she and Jemmying were reading. As Muggle-borns they took a personal interest. But it just, well, it didn't read right. Sirius sat, gave me a kiss and stole a bite of my toast. I pushed the article to him.

'See, that's the problem with Muggles, they can't stop killing each other.'

'Shut it, Black,' Lily hissed.

'I don't think it's Muggles,' I whispered, hating the taste of the words.

''Course it's the Muggles, Moony, the article says so.'

I rolled my eyes. 'That sounds,' I choked, 'like,' I lowered my voice to where the others had to strain to hear me, 'Avada Kedavra.'

Sirius laughed and patted my back scrupulously. 'Now you're being paranoid.'

'That's what I thought,' Perri sighed. 'What else leaves no sign of death?'

'The Unforgivable Curses,' Lily reread the article, her eyes glazing over the words as if she were trying to get more. 'Do you think the Ministry is hiding something?'

Perri shrugged, 'if someone is out there using the Unforgivable Curses like this, I think so.'

I gave Perri's copy back to her and took my own. 'Class,' I muttered as I gave Sirius a kiss on his cheek.

'Wait!' Perri stood. We had Defence together. 'Who would do that?' she asked me as we made our trek.

'I don't know, Perri, and I have a feeling that I don't want to, either.'

Fourth Year, I ran into a group of Slytherins. I identified Malfoy by his hair, his back was to me. He was standing up, talking to the others, who were sitting. Snape was among them, and Rosier. Crabbe and Goyle. The two Lestrange boys. Rockwook and Bole. Parkinson and Zabini. Bletchley and… Oh yes. The three Blacks; Regulus, Bellatrix and Narcissa. The audience noticed me, and Lucius felt the attention leave him, he turned to face me.

I shook my head. That couldn't be it. Still the memory plagued me. It had when it had happened, too, but remembering hurt. Something was not right about it. Something was not right about the killings, too. 'Not right' as in, 'seriously not supposed to happen'.

I stopped walking and Perri did, too. 'Remus?' I bit my lip and turned the other way. 'Um, class is this way,'

'Go to class, I… need to see Dumbledore.'

'I'm going with you.'

'No, go to class, take notes for me.'

'As if you need them!'

'Perri!'

'Uh-uh,' she childishly shook her head. 'C'mon!' She took my arm and started back towards his office. I could pull from her grip, but it didn't seem worth it. There we were, two prefects running though the halls to see the Headmaster and… and what? I didn't have a plan and I knew that.

She knocked at the statue obscuring his office, asking to be let it. It does seem like the best way. (The other, of course, is to randomly start listing candy flavours.) The stairway was revealed – he had heard us. We tread up to find him sitting in an overstuffed chair talking to his phoenix, Fawks.

'Good morning, Monsieur Lupin, Miss Baxley,' he gestured for us to sit, we did so.

'Headmaster,' I began, 'there was something interesting in The Prophet this morning.'

'I do believe the answer is "thestral".' Perri and I blanched. 'In the crossword, 58-down, "dead man's horse".'

'No, have a look at this,' I pushed the article to him.

'"Muggle murderer at large"?' He read the article and when he looked up we asked him what he thought. He gave the question back to us:

'It sounds to us like Avada Kedavra,' I replied.

'Avada Kedavra,' Dumbledore considered. 'It's not for you to worry about besides.'

I told him what I saw, eliminating the names, I told him I was worried.

'I fear the Ministry knows something,' Perri put in.

'To class,' he pressed, 'as of now there is nothing to fear.'

We didn't speak on the way back and we didn't stop thinking about it all day. I was at the point of distraction. It didn't feel right. Eventually, when we were studying in our room after class, Sirius threw a pillow at me.

'Oi! Paddy!'

'Where've you been?'

'I, sorry,' I shook my head. 'S'nothing.'

He pulled me into his arms. 'No, it's something. Tell me?'

'The article.'

'Now that's nothing.'

'I don't think so, Siri. I've a feeling.'

'Article?' James asked.

'The one Evans was talking about this morning.' James and Peter nodded.

'I've a feeling,' I mumbled. I told them what I had told Dumbledore. 'Maybe it's cause I'm a "dark creature", but there's something wrong out there. I'm suddenly not so happy Quin and Rian are in France.'

The other three exchange glances. 'You're no dark creature,' Sirius said into my hair.

'Everything'll be fine,' James added.

''Hope so,' I sighed, not believing it at all.


	28. TwentySeven: in which people learn new t

Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.

Pairings: sbxrl, rianxquin, jp(plus)le, jp(plus)pp, jp(plus)ss

Summary: In which three prefects look into the current events

Warning: AU, sap, fluff Okay, so, i read HBP and am slapping a 'AU' tag on my story. i like my canon better, it's more fluent.

audi

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**Chapter Twenty-Seven**  
_In which people learn new things._

A white and black object (later identified as one of the footballs that Peter had transfigured) forcefully hit James' head. Sirius caught it as it bounced and glared to see one of the Slytherin chasers, Lukas Schwartz.

'Cheating Gryffindors,' Schwartz sneered as he neared Sirius and James (Peter was meeting a Hufflepuff for a project). 'Honestly, what did you have to gain by damaging our equipment?' I was with Lily and Perri, walking towards them. Or, rather, we were walking towards the Hall and they were standing at the entrance.

'I did nothing to your precious equipment, Schwartz,' James rolled his eyes as he rubbed his head. 'You've a bad enough team as it is.'

'Care to make a wager on that one, Potter?'

'Boys,' Lily sighed as we watched, just out of their sight.

'We already know who did it,' Perri sighed.

I feigned shock; 'you didn't tell him, did you?'

'Certainly not!' she laughed, 'that would ruin all the fun!' Perri was dating Schwartz. Or something like that. She claimed that he wasn't a normal Slytherin. Well, he didn't bother the Gryffindors much and Snape made a better target. We more or less left him alone. Good thing too, because marauding on Schwartz would cost Perri's friendship. Quidditch, however, was fair game – as long as it remained a fair game.

'Five galleons,' Schwartz repeated James' wager. 'Five for today's game,' he nodded slowly and then held his hand out in an outwardly Muggle fashion. James shook it.

'Hey, Moony, fancy some chocolates?' Sirius called, finally recognising my presence. 'Jamie can buy us some after the game.'

Schwartz snorted.

'Now I almost want them to loose,' Lily snickered, 'if only to see their expressions at handing money to a Slytherin!'

'I'm always right, Evans,' James smiled (his Potter Seeker Smile™, it was James' new way at 'winning the girls').

'Let's hit the library while we've time,' I suggested not wanting to see where the situation was heading. Three Quidditch players in two rival houses, a boyfriend of one player and a girlfriend of another and the (not-quite-so) secret crush of the final player. No, it was not a good situation.

Glancing apologetically at Sirius as we left, we made our way to the library. Theoretically students weren't supposed to be there at that time. It was Saturday morning on the day of a Gryffindor/Slytherin Quidditch match, but no one would question the actions of three prefects.

It had been almost a week since the article in the _Prophet_. Lily had written her parents asking if they would send her the _Times_ and the _Herald._ I got Quin to send me _L'oracle Quotidien_ and _Libération _(a French paper). The three of us found what we could about the attacks, following them religiously. Something didn't seem _right_. We knew that Dumbledore knew more than we did. He always knew what was going on. Besides, he never said that there wasn't anything going on, just that it didn't concern us. However, he wasn't about to tell us anything. Our plan, then, was to go to him with solid evidence and then ask for answers.

Deny not the prefect answers!

The other Marauders were indifferent to the situation. They saw it as a Muggle serial killer on the loose. The authorities would deal with it soon enough. Since when has a serial killer warranted continuous coverage in wizarding newspapers?

We spread the papers out on a table alongside spell books. We knew we weren't supposed to know much about the Forbidden Curses, but, well, we all had a habit of reading much more than good for us. Every account we read, every image we saw only confirmed our belief more. There was _some kind_ of wizard out there flaunting a forbidden curse. Killing Muggles. Neither the Ministry nor the Muggle police could catch him.

How?

Or, rather

Why?

Sure some purebloods hate Muggles, they always have. But _killing_ them… That was just. It was beyond our comprehension. Perri lives with her father's family, pureblooded Slytherin pricks to the extreme, and she can't even see them doing it – and she hates them. We came to a realisation, separately but at the same time. I was the one that voiced it:

'There's more than one wizard out there.' The words were like poison on my tongue. One. One was bad. Two. Two was worse. A group of them, though. That was down right scary.

'It doesn't make sense,' Lily protested mildly.

'I honestly doubt they care,' Perri retorted sighing.

'None of us no the… community enough to suspect anyone.'

'Remus, maybe Black…?'

'Sirius is not involved!' I protested.

The girls exchanged a glance. 'I know,' Lily replied, 'but he might have a better idea.'

'He tries not to talk to or about his family. And they don't exactly tell him anything. Besides, he thinks it's just a crazy Muggle serial killer.'

'Ask Schwartz?' Lily suggested.

Perri laughed. 'Lukas is like the pseudo-Slytherin. He's about as likely to know as Black is.'

'Let's think on it then, gather from the Sunday paper and talk tomorrow evening?' I suggested standing. It was almost time for the match and I knew I couldn't let Peter alone in the stands. We made our way then, Perri to the Ravenclaw stands and Lily and myself to the Gryffindor ones.

'I can't help but feel upset over this,' Lily commented as we reached the stands. Peter had saved a spot for us.

'You and me both, Lily.'

In the end, Lukas Schwartz ended up paying for our trip to Honeydukes after the game. At my insistence, James lent me his Cloak so I could poke around the Three Broomsticks while they went to Zonkos. The other Marauders thought I'd finally gone nutters, and perhaps I had, but I needed to know.

'You're obsessed, Moony,' Sirius claimed later. We were cuddled together in his bed. James was tutoring Peter on the other side of the room.

I shook my head, 'I just feel that this is something that I need to know.'

'You haven't stopped thinking about it since the _Prophet_ article.'

'I have, too!'

He kissed my forehead and ruffled my hair, 'let's put it this way, you've put it above _schoolwork_.'

'It means he's serious about this,' James interrupted. 'You really are serious about this, aren't you, Moony?' I nodded miserably. 'Dumbledore wouldn't keep it a secret if something was wrong.'

'Are you so sure?'

'Hogwarts is the safest place there is.'

'From someone who casts Avada Kedavra as he wishes?' I pointed out.

'But then you'd have to assume that it is, in fact, Avada Kedavra.'

'I do.' James, Sirius and Peter exchanged a glance. 'Hopefully I'm being over paranoid,' I added, 'but the signs all point in that direction.'

'To where?'

'That someone – or a_ group of people_ – is using Avada Kedavra to kill off Muggles. This is unheard of, James.'

'Leave it to the Muggles?' That was Sirius.

'That's not fair,' I protested. 'If it's not a Muggle killer, and it seriously looks like it's not, even to the Muggles, then how can they be left to deal with people that have abilities that they are not fit to deal with?'

'That's the Ministry's job,' Peter added, 'and the Aurors.'

'If they know, then they're not telling anyone,' I narrowed my eyes. 'Why is it so bad that I want to know what's happening?'

Sirius smoothed my hair, 'it's not. You're just, not yourself. You weren't even listening when James was outlining some ideas for Halloween mayhem. It's unhealthy.'

'Siri…'

'It's true, you can't deny it.'

My sleep was littered with nightmares. Maybe it was because I'm a dark creature or maybe just because I got myself worked up. Thankfully I was sleeping in Sirius' bed, more than once through the night he pulled me out of my nightmares with soothing words, gently running his hands along my back. Quin and Rian were my pack, as were James and Peter. Sirius was my chosen mate and being close to him calmed me down enough. Funny that all he had to do was be there, holding me, and I felt like soaring.

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